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Scummy mummy

(16 Posts)
ScummyMummyBitch Sat 27-May-17 15:22:52

I have never met or spoken to this neighbour. The side of her house is at the end of my garden and from her kitchen and bedroom windows she can see in to my garden and kitchen but I cannot see her because we are lower down.

Last night I was out with my 6 year old in the garden. It was 7:10pm and we were watering the flowers, chatting about stuff and just having a relaxing half hour before bed.

The garden is not fenced in. I can't afford to put a fence up right now and landlord will only allow a 5ft fence anyway so my dogs get put on long lines attached to stakes in the ground otherwise they will sometimes run down the street and in to the park. I know this is not ideal but it keeps them safe when I have to do something other than watch them closely. They are walked 2-4 times a day but in this heat they prefer to go early in the morning (5-6am) and right before bed (9-10pm) and then they spend most of the day lying either in the kitchen where it's cool or on the lawn. The lines are long enough they can come and go as they please. If the back door is open and the weather is nice they want to be outside. I put their spare beds outside, they have a parasol and water bowls but they quite like sunbathing. I don't force them to be outside. They are big dogs of the pointy nose variety but they are quite lazy, prefer to snooze most of the time.

Anyway, my child and I were sitting on chairs at the end of our garden just chatting and the dogs were eating their bedtime treat of duck necks on the lawn when I became aware of my neighbour swearing quite loudly.

She clearly meant for me to hear every word she said. It was very obvious. Things like:

"Look at those poor dogs! Disgusting the way she treats them. It makes my blood boil. She doesn't deserve the poor things. If I had any say they'd be taken off her. Tied up outside like that, never walked. Big dogs like that, it's unfair. Fucking lazy bitch makes me sick." Then in the next breath she said "Poor dogs, Fucking bitch keeps them locked inside all day, never lets them play, lazy fat bitch, look at her, makes me so angry."

She called me a lazy/sick/fat/vile bitch quite a few times.

The she started ranting about how my child is neglected. That they "Never goes outside, never sees sunlight, always locked in the house. Poor fucking kid, disgusting bitch doesn't deserve to have a child. Fucking scummy mummy. I don't know why the social leave him with her, he needs taking away."

I was so shocked I just froze but when she said my child needed to be taken away I just burst in to tears and so did my child and we went in to the house. DC was incredibly upset and I feel awful that they heard so much before I got them inside. We chatted a lot about how sometimes people can be nasty and say horrible things just to hurt other people and DC felt better and after cuddles and several stories they went to sleep and today they have been happy and acting normally.

I can't stop thinking about what she said, though. We had a visit from social services 3 years ago, when we first moved to this house, and they found no issues with my parenting and were happy my child was well cared for. They agreed the complaint was most probably malicious and have never been back. We've also had several visits from the RSPCA, who always say what good condition the dogs are in, especially considering the age and past trauma of one of the dogs, but they have to check out every complaint that gets made.

I feel so sick. Every time I think about it all I start crying. I keep thinking I am those things. I wanted to die last night. I kept thinking my child will be better off without me. I've been too scared to let DC play out in the garden in case she starts again. The dogs have been begging to go out there too but I'm worried. We've been to the park and played games inside but it feels so unfair to stay inside in such beautiful weather but I can't seem to pull myself together.

Maybe I am a horrible, vile, lazy, scummy mummy. Maybe I don't deserve my child or my dogs.

I'm scared to post this because I don't want to be accused of being a troll or, even worse, be ripped to shreds but I have no one else to talk to and the more I keep it to myself the more I think perhaps my neighbour is right. I feel so down and afraid that there will be a knock at my door and my child will be taken away.

I am struggling with mild antenatal depression at the minute but I am being treated for it.

i just feel like a piece of shit.

neonrainbow Sat 27-May-17 15:27:54

Sounds like she is probably behind the reports! The rspca don't just turn up out of the blue after all.

ScummyMummyBitch Sat 27-May-17 15:32:44

Yes, I now have no doubt she is behind the reports. My other neighbours are friendly enough and we often chat small talk but I have spent 3 years being worried it was one of them that kept reporting me and it's been difficult. I've been starting to relax more this year and not worry about my child crying or how they will be when this baby is born but those worries have all come flooding back.

ScummyMummyBitch Sat 27-May-17 15:33:59

They are all older and retired and when I am home I feel like I am constantly being watched.

i feel like a stupid, paranoid idiot but I can't seem to stop.

SelfObsessionHoney Sat 27-May-17 15:38:53

So your dogs have access to food, water, shade, stimulation and get regular walks? RSPCA have visited and ok'd everything.
Your child is happy, feels secure and SS have visited and ok'd everything?
Sounds to me like your a mum who has her shit together and is doing a cracking job.
She sounds like a cunt.

watchingitallagain Sat 27-May-17 15:50:37

She's nasty.
Don't let her win.

socialengineering Sat 27-May-17 15:52:56

Call the police and your landlord and complain about her verbally abusive behaviour toward you. Also start writing a diary of any issues or verbal abuse.

lilacskies Sat 27-May-17 15:57:50

Absolutely horrible sounding woman.Obviously i don't know all context but it sounds like you're doing an excellent job of parenting DS. What a piece of work saying such things while fully aware your child is also out there. Not really sure of a solution TBH but, while easier said than done, do not let her get to you she doesn't deserve the gratification, I'm not sure how but could you report her of falsely reporting you and accusing you of things you are cleary not doing. Also does she have any DC of her own?
Anyway wishing you the best through this hard time x

CrispyBathTowel Sat 27-May-17 15:58:14

I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not but could you write a short non-emotive letter to your door briefly outlining the points that Self said (maybe leave out the bit about SS) and that you overheard what she said as you were clearly meant to and you won't tolerate being verbally abused again or having your child exposed to hearing that and you will take the matter further if she does it again.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Sat 27-May-17 16:36:50

The only troll is your neighbour op. flowers
How about a little radio on quietly while you are enjoying your garden? Sing along with dd and relax. . It will block out any of her mad rantings. You dogs sound lived and pampered!! And dd too!! Some people have such sad lives they can't see others living a nice, good one.

MaximaDeWit Sat 27-May-17 20:20:17

So your dogs have access to food, water, shade, stimulation and get regular walks? RSPCA have visited and ok'd everything.
*Your child is happy, feels secure and SS have visited and ok'd everything?
Sounds to me like your a mum who has her shit together and is doing a cracking job.
She sounds like a cunt.*

^^ This!

She sounds like a miserable human being, OP. You sound lovely!

It's not quite the sane but we have a neighbour with mental health issues and alcoholism who takes it upon herself to aggressively "police" the neighbourhood. We are currently in her sights and she regularly drives the 50m from her house (we look out down the street so can see her house) up to ours, parks at th end of our drive for a few seconds then drives back to her own house. It's feels quite violating so I do sympathise with you hugely.

villainousbroodmare Sat 27-May-17 20:26:08

Please change your username to LovelyMummyPrettyface or something. That woman is nuts.

665TheNeighbourOfTheBeast Sun 28-May-17 14:13:09

Your neighbour sounds guilty of harassment, which is now a criminal act.
It might be difficult to prove though, and I would enquire with the police what sort of evidence they would require to take action. It might make you feel a lot better, if she continues with this, to know she is just accumulating evidence towards her own prosecution?

WineAndTiramisu Sun 28-May-17 16:05:19

I may be wrong, but the way you've written what she said sounds quite like someone with a mental health issue, the repetitive nature, the obvious contradictions in what she's saying (saying the dogs are kept inside, then shut outside, that your DC never gets to go outside whilst you're actually sat outside with them etc)

I'd certainly ignore her, who cares if she did report you, no one else seems concerned at all. Another option is to record her on your phone if it escalates, even if just for evidence later on if she escalates further.

ScummyMummyBitch Sun 28-May-17 21:24:52

Thanks all.

I am feeling better today. Still upsets me a bit though.

DH thinks she might have mental health issues too. He said she once shouted at our then 3yr old to "shut the fuck up" through the fence because he was singing a song he learned at nursery. It's not like he was disturbing her in her garden since hers is on the other side of her house.

I don't know.

wheresthel1ght Sun 28-May-17 22:22:26

You poor thing, she sounds awful! You however sound lovely. A great pet owner and a fab mum.

My dogs get walked when no one else is around as one is terrified of men and the other is iffy with other dogs when on his lead. It probably looks to our neighbours like we never walk them, they have free run of the house and garden in this weather, and our youngest dog loves nothing more than bouncing on the trampoline with dd (3)

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