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Should I move back in with my ex as friends?

(14 Posts)
Dontupsetme Wed 24-May-17 23:05:26

Long story short, we lived together for four years, been together for six years. 12 months ago we split up, moved out of our house and went to live separately. Life, finances and a few bad decisions got in the way and its all been really sad. We have still talked daily and met up occasionally, supported each other and neither or us have had other relationships.
He tells me he still loves me and would be devastated if i moved on.

I have been living with relatives which has been actual hell on earth. It was only ever short term but here i still am all these months later still struggling financially.

I will have to move out at some point and things have reached crisis point now. I have to move out sooner rather than later to avoid my relationship with these relatives getting to the point of of no return.

My ex recently suggested we move back in together as friends with our own rooms.
Now im just not sure. It would be easier than having to struggle out there on my own, if that is, I could even afford it on my own which is hugely doubtful. We know each other and trust each other, so it makes it safer than living amongst strangers or cohabiting with people you barely know.

But is he thinking we could move back in together and then maybe get back together? Im not sure thats what i want. But im in desperate need need a get out clause on my current situation.

Ideally id support myself and live independently but its just not financially viable for me and isnt likely to be in this lifetime.

Wolfiefan Wed 24-May-17 23:07:22

No. He still loves you? Flat mates don't love each other. And if you find someone new and bring them home to have them confronted by the devastated ex. Just no.

outabout Wed 24-May-17 23:14:11

If you really trust each other and set hard rules for/against seeing other people and finances and one or other WOULD move out when circumstances change it MIGHT work but as suggested not ideal. Only you two know the real circumstances why you split last time.

OuchBollocks Wed 24-May-17 23:18:07

NO!! I lived with my ex who still wanted me back for a while. It was a nightmare. Feeling like I had to sneak about, not being able to bring home anyone I was dating, still bloody having the same bloody arguments we split up over with an added helping of "I still love you" guilt-tripping - fuck no. Get a house share instead.

mustiwearabra Wed 24-May-17 23:34:32

No god no. You'll inevitably have sex at least once. He'll be pissed off and moody if you bring someone back or if you don't come home one night because you've stayed over with someone else. You might move in thinking you don't have any feelings left for him but trust me, they'll appear like a slap in the face when he brings someone home. Talking from experience here. Unless you actually want to get back together, don't do it.

F1ipFlopFrus Wed 24-May-17 23:36:05

No. Just no.

expatinscotland Wed 24-May-17 23:37:43

No, no, no! My ex h and I had separated and even filed for divorce. But we'd still get together for sex and spend the night, 'just friends', WTAF? We were married! It fucked with my head big time. It's a BAD idea.

muffinwaggon Wed 24-May-17 23:44:35

If you want to give it another go, then give it another go. But don't move in, when he's still loves you, if you're not sure what you want.

It wouldn't be fair on either of you.

shitgibbon Thu 25-May-17 04:14:10

No no no no no no.

No.

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 25-May-17 04:58:20

Find a room in a house share. It may not be perfect. But it will be the same as living with your ex but without all the hassle. If the relationship with your ex is going to work (or not) the best thing you can do all round is to live somewhere you feel free and not controlled by either your family or your ex.

AstrantiaMajor Thu 25-May-17 06:57:38

I would go for it. Sometimes the strain of the relationship can actually kill it. Living together again you will either, 'fall in love again' or more likely 'just be relaxed together as mates'.

What have you got to lose? I believe that as long as you are absolutely clear and honest with each other and agree what the house rules are it could work.

At the moment you are both unhappy so I think it is worth a try.

AlternativeTentacle Thu 25-May-17 07:04:40

Interesting. I lived with my Ex as friends years back, and as he worked in a record shop, he would pay the rent in vinyl. Still have them all as they were quality records.

To be fair, I wouldn't do that with every ex...and we were both 'over it' as they say.

expatinscotland Thu 25-May-17 08:04:14

Either have another go or find another place to live.

PotteringAlong Thu 25-May-17 08:06:26

Noooooooo.

He loves you. He does not want you to move in as "just friends", he wants to win you over. Are you really going to be able to start a new relationship living there?

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