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I must've been to blame

(3 Posts)
Mallowmarshmallow Wed 17-May-17 21:28:07

As a child I was sexually abused by a family member. I can't remember what age I was and my memories are mainly very vague but I can remember some elements very distinctly. I think it happened over a sustained period of time.

I'm fairly sure I was also sexually abused by two local girls.

Why did this happen to me from a number of different sources? I must have brought it upon myself to some extent at least. Why is my memory of it so unclear?

I don't think I was particularly vulnerable as a child so I don't understand how or why I was targeted.

My biggest concern now is how to protect my own children from the same fate. How do I ensure they're safe especially when statistics show they're most at risk from the people they know.

NeonMist Wed 17-May-17 22:02:44

A child is never to blame for sexual abuse, but a feeling of blame is very common among victims of sexual abuse. Psychotherapy could help to make sense of your experiences and working through feelings of blame/shame. The thought of one's child being abused or hurt in any way is most parents' worst fears, and unfortunately we can't be there to protect them at every minute of their lives - the only advice I have is being as vigilant and observant as you can!

Ikillallplants Sat 20-May-17 04:14:59

I learnt something helpful in therapy. Imagine in your head a little girl, about the age you thought you were. Think of her running around, playing chase with her friends. Now think whether that little girl could be to blame if someone was sexually inappropriate to her.

When you take yourself out of the equation you absolutely wouldn't blame the child. We punish ourselves. It wasn't your fault, you weren't to blame and I believe you.

I don't remember everything clearly, I was too young when it started. My therapy didn't make me remember. We dealt with the after effects, the way it changed who I should have been. I didn't want to remember details and that was absolutely fine with my counsellor.

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