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Really rubbish at conflict

(7 Posts)
Pjsandslippers Tue 16-May-17 22:34:51

I've had a horrible day at work with a colleague being particularly agressive with me for no good reason. The first time was in front of another colleague and the second time on my own. I'm always trying to be nice to her and ask how her weekend has been etc. She treated another colleague the same way last year and they now don't have to work together.

I felt upset most of the day and had to hide in the toilet to pull myself together. I'm really over sensitive and hate any conflict. It's pretty pathetic really since im 36 years of age. How do I stop being such a people pleaser and stand up for myself? I'm going over it all on my head tonight wishing I hadn't apologised to her both times for no reason and said something back. She is very loud and opinionated and I know she would have a quicker angrier response than I could ever have.

minesapintofwine Tue 16-May-17 23:07:33

It's not pathetic if shows that you are a nice person. I too hate conflict, if I can go through the rest of my life without it I'll be content.

One thing I have learnt is to remind myself they are the one with the problem, and walk away from the situation with dignity. I used to work with someone similar, she loved a row for the sake of it. hmm

You are just fine, but DO NOT let her get to you.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners Tue 16-May-17 23:12:27

Do you have access to any professional development such as conflict resolution or dealing with difficult conversations/situations? I am very introverted and used to dread conflict but learned some good strategies about how to diffuse situations and knowing when to be assertive and when to walk away.

Pjsandslippers Wed 17-May-17 03:54:53

Thank you both for your lovely replies. I'm still awake thinking about it. I'm going to be great fun in work tomorrow confused thankfully it's my other work so no having to deal with her until next week. I had to walk away from her today the second time as it wasn't fair having this conflict amongst our patients at work. Wish I didn't have to be the better person some times.

minesapintofwine Wed 17-May-17 09:24:27

Really, you shouldn't lose sleep over it! I'm very similar to you but I have anxiety. I think it would be worth you looking at ways to deal with anxiety as if you lose sleep your health may suffer. That colleague is just a small fish in a big pond you can choose to ignore her. Who knows what is going through her mind? I doubt she's even given your conflict a second thought, so it's not fair that YOU are the one to suffer

DisorderedAllsorts Thu 18-May-17 02:57:19

I had a similar situation with two colleagues and I event left because the low key bullying increased over time. You need to find ways of managing the situation and pulling her up on it each time.

* be professional rather than nice. She's not your friend so don't ask about her weekend etc.

* keep all communication with her brief and work related only and follow up with an email regarding projects you're working on together. Anything you've agreed verbally must always be confirmed by email. These people will find ways to sabotage your work and stitch you up so protect yourself.

* foster good working relationships with your other colleagues and don't discuss her with others. Be really professional at all times so people can see who is being unreasonable here.

* cultivate networking opportunities and see if you can transfer to another position/job

* sign up for assertiveness and conflict management skills training

DisorderedAllsorts Thu 18-May-17 02:59:21

If she is being openly hostile towards you in front of patients then report her to your manager for unprofessional conduct

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