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WIBU to ask someone to an event H is refusing to go to?

(55 Posts)
OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 21:00:08

H and I have been asked to an event, an evening thing, dressing up, dinner and dancing.

I want to go, he is adamant he won't "not his thing".

We never go out cos of this. It's a coupley thing. We have a friend who would take me, but it will annoy h,,.should I ask him anyway?

terrylene Tue 16-May-17 21:03:29

I would ask a dancey friend, but run it past DH on the offchance he would back down...........

ScarlettFreestone Tue 16-May-17 21:05:30

I would say "I really want to go, I'd much prefer to go with you but if you won't come I'm going to ask X"

I regularly go to stuff for my DH which "isn't my thing" and vice versa. It's not a great excuse really.

OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 21:06:32

He won't back down. Absolute refusal. Not sure why, I feel hurt and embarrassed, and would be much more fun with a partner.

He has the suit, and not a money thing.

WyfOfBathe Tue 16-May-17 21:06:50

I wouldn't ask another male if it's a "coupley thing" and would annoy your DH. Bringing a female friend might be better.

OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 21:08:58

I wondered if it was unduly confrontational to ask someone else to take me.

I was going to say I wouldn't go, but I enjoy a night out and getting glam, and like the friends who have asked us.

ajandjjmum Tue 16-May-17 21:10:27

I would ask your DH if he would mind if you invited ??? as you really would like to go.

If he doesn't back down gracefully, he's a pretty selfish individual.

OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 21:12:22

I can go myself.. but would be so much nicer with someone.

OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 21:13:23

Went myself last year.

somethingwitty3432 Tue 16-May-17 21:13:34

If you have a friend who'd go with you (male or female doesn't matter) and who'd enjoy it then definitely ask them. No reason your H should stop everyone else enjoying themselves! Tell (don't ask) him first that you're going to ask a friend so he has chance to back down otherwise go & enjoy yourself 💃🏼

OfficerVanHalen Tue 16-May-17 21:14:38

I'd go with the other person tbh.

What would you do if it was vice versa, something he really wanted to go to but you didn't fancy? I am sure you would either a) put your big girls pants on and go and do something you'd rather not for a few hours or b) wave him off to it with a friend without being arsey about it.

OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 21:16:36

That's easy: I would go! Happy to do lots of stuff, even if not my thing, I enjoy new experiences and different things, and also want to make people happy

OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 21:29:51

I'm scared to say it to him as itv will,lead to An Atmosphere

somethingwitty3432 Tue 16-May-17 21:41:29

That's crazy. You can deal with (ignore) an atmosphere. Don't let him control you with his passive aggressiveness. Go enjoy yourself x

OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 21:43:40

Thanks! I know, but I am easily controlled by the thought of an atmosphere....

Will feel better if I am confident it's him, not me though.

MilesHuntsWig Tue 16-May-17 21:44:02

Don't let him have the power by accepting "an atmosphere". He has a choice: go or accept you'll go with someone else. That's it.

Do not accept the weird controlling behaviour, it is not reasonable at all.

OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 21:47:47

Thank you, this is so refreshing, I suspect he controls me a lot in exactly this sort of way, but doubt myself.

OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 21:48:48

All I want is to put my gladrags on and have a glam evening....

somethingwitty3432 Tue 16-May-17 21:52:16

So do it!

Haggisfish Tue 16-May-17 21:54:27

Just go. My dh doesn't like this sort of thing at all but is happy for me to go with someone else. He might say he wasn't too happy a lot it but wouldn't stop me. I would respect that and make sure I was home at a decent time etc.

HildaOg Tue 16-May-17 22:04:08

Take a female friend. If you go with a male friend, then you have to expect a fallout for doing coupley partner things with another man.

mycheeksarerosy Tue 16-May-17 22:06:26

We all do things at times to support our partners. Sometimes that includes going to events we would prefer not to. Most normal people would go anyway for you because he is suppose to love you, plaster a smile on and get on with it and probably have a nice time.

I would definitely take your friend. No question.

OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 22:07:14

That's my worry, Hilda.

Sigh. Think will just go alone and be a bit sad.

Or leave him before it and go with someone who might actually want to go with me!

Haggisfish Tue 16-May-17 22:08:40

I would go for your latter suggestion! Cba with partners who control others.

OldLibrary Tue 16-May-17 22:10:35

It's so subtle though, and there's no discussing it, I end up feeling like a nutter.

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