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Should I now go no contact for good?

(15 Posts)
Notonetodance Sun 14-May-17 23:42:22

Long story short, I finally told my crush of eight years, (did have a brief thing eight years ago and he has stayed in contact at vague points over the years although no sex involved) that I still had feelings after all this time.

He has form for just disappearing off and going NC for long periods of time as friends or otherwise.

We met up had a great time. He really pushed for a second meet up and I agreed. Last week we arranged a day. When it got to the day I messaged to confirm and heard nothing and nothing and nothing all day. And so he had once again disappeared after making arrangements.

Now, I actually was so damn pleased because I just knew this was going to happen and I had been proven right. Really a leopard never changes it's spots. It was just so predictably perfect.
So now what, the guy that I spilled my feelings to, then he pushed to met up more than I had planned and then disappeared without so much as a 'sorry I'm busy' text. There will be some elaborate excuse.
This absolutely isn't the first time over the years, as I say he has form.
So how do I, if and when he contacts me again?

Do I reciprocate or would you now go NC for good?

HurricaneHalle Sun 14-May-17 23:46:12

I wouldn't waste your time or energy. He clearly does not feel the same way nor does he have any decency or respect to even cancel.

JakeBallardswife Sun 14-May-17 23:48:58

I'd go NC, if he was super interested he'd have stayed in touch more frequently.

sproutsmum Sun 14-May-17 23:50:12

I agree , if he was bothered he'd have worked at letting you know and made the effort and time for you.

ProphetOfDoom Sun 14-May-17 23:50:36

If you can't stay immune to him knowing all that you do - or your feelings for him are preventing you falling for someone else, then NC definitely seems to be the way to go. Do what is best for you. His feelings can't be a consideration since he doesn't show any consideration for yours. You deserve a whole lot better.

Trb17 Mon 15-May-17 06:39:43

I'd block him from contacting you on both your phone and social media and go completely NC. He clearly has no thought for your feelings and has treated you horribly. Why would you want a ban that treats you like that?! You do deserve better.

stumblymonkeyreturns Mon 15-May-17 06:53:34

How is your self esteem generally?

I'm not saying this to be mean, but to be teach people how to treat you. You've taught this guy over a number of years that he can ghost you and then pick you back up.

Please teach him that you have self respect and that he actually can't do this.

Notonetodance Mon 15-May-17 08:18:26

I am my own worst enemy as i knew this was the type of behaviour that he does and i know its unacceptable. I guess when i told him how i felt, let me add, i did clearly state at the time that i didnt want a relationship, i just needed to get the thoughts and feelings out in the open IYSWIM after all this time.

I didnt really want to meet again as i knew something like this would happen and that id be disappointed. But he pushed and pushed and pushed for it so i thought aw well, id give it a go and now this. Im actually getting quite cross about it and think now after all these years its time to let go and move on.

MadreRumba Mon 15-May-17 08:28:32

Let the frustration drive you to spending time with supportive people who are worth your energy instead of the ones who sap you of the positive and warm stuff. You are too good for him and he doesn't deserve the place in your headspace.

I've been there, OP, and I know the strength it takes to stay away. We live in hope that these people will change, but they remain flaky. It's the surprise element that draws us back: "oh! We are on again, are we?" Humans are sensitive to unknowing.

Draft yourself an email as though you were writing to him in complaint. DO NOT SEND but keep in drafts folder & read in moments of weakness.

sproutsmum Mon 15-May-17 08:32:13

It's hard, the persistence was a killer for me. Your head does one thing but you just can't help it if you catch "the feels" , just bin and don't look back.
There are billions of people on the planet ,go have fun and bump into one that builds you up not breaks you down .

Notonetodance Mon 15-May-17 08:33:05

If he appears on my doorstep one day what do i say or do now though? It has been known.

stumblymonkeyreturns Mon 15-May-17 08:43:39

Open door

<Let out big dramatic sigh with cross face>

Ask him why he's here....tell him his past behaviour has demonstrated that he can't be the man you want.

Close door. Make tea.

MadreRumba Mon 15-May-17 09:08:59

Worry about it when it happens. Spend the 'what if' time doing more positive, concrete things.

sproutsmum Mon 15-May-17 12:10:51

Look at him and think about why he's REALLY there, he's chancing for a shag and to bin you off again , otherwise he'd have been there all along making you feel like a million dollars and not like shit.
Open door, say thanks but no thanks , you had your chance and you showed me exactly the sort of shit I can expect if I get with you.
Then close the door.

Notonetodance Mon 15-May-17 12:53:09

Thank you everyone! Xx

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