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I think my toddler is getting bullied at nursery

(36 Posts)
FauxSaux Thu 11-May-17 21:08:36

For a while my 3 year old has come home from nursery and said a couple of odd things and down some odd things that are out of character. When questioned he tells us that another child does it or told him to do it.
Apparently this other (a year older) child also tells my son he's a girl because he likes to dress as a fairy (he's 3) and tells him he's a baby because he sleeps with a teddy (again, he's 3 and still need a nap in the day)
They also taught him how to do a dance to a certain song. The dance they taught him is to take his trousers off and roll on the floor.
I've tried ignoring the part in my head telling me it's horrendous my unfair that this other child is dictating how mine is growing up.
Tonight I'm virtually in tears because of what this other child is doing now. He's making my child humiliate himself for his own kicks. He's telling my son to tell the adults at nursery he's done a poo in his pants (he's fully potty trained) and then they're apparently laughing about it.

My 3 year old like most 3 year olds looks up to older kids and is a bit of a follower and does as they say. I feel like they're toying with him.
But i don't know what i can do about it.
Do i raise my concerns with the nursery? Or tell my toddler to avoid this other child?

Gunpowder Thu 11-May-17 21:12:17

Speak to his key worker. They should sort it out really quickly.

SeaEagleFeather Thu 11-May-17 21:29:13

No this isn't ok. Speak to the nursery, fast.

This isn't the other kid's fault - he's four - he's learning this behaviour from somewhere else. But it can't carry on and your son needs protecting.

user1493022461 Fri 12-May-17 12:40:24

I wouldn't trust what a 3 year old tells you.

FauxSaux Fri 12-May-17 19:58:36

I've spoken to my son about it, and he's usually very good at telling me what's going on. So i do trust most of what i read between the lines of what he says.
Of course i take it with a pinch of salt but when he's actually nervous of going into nursery or his behaviour is very different i question it.
We had a chat about the other incident and he said it was just a game, so i explained it wasn't a nice game to play.

Today he's come home complaining of a headache and has bruises from where this 4 year old has played roughly. (He regularly has bruises from this other child) he has told us this other child told him to play a game involving hitting his head against a wall whenever he was told to.
Yesterday I gave the other child the benefit of the doubt - mainly because i don't know if they were even in yesterday, but this is going too far and i know the other child was in today.
So I'll see if i can have a chat to nursery next week.
I know they can't separate them. And i don't really know what they can do beyond talking to this child when they see him do it. I know the other child has learnt this behaviour form someone else. A big brother maybe or his parents, or YouTube.

Chottie Fri 12-May-17 22:01:07

Please go in and speak to his key worker. You are his mother and have a feeling that something is not right, trust your instinct and follow this up.

I felt really sad reading your post.... Please step up and protect your son.....

SeaEagleFeather Fri 12-May-17 22:56:12

I don't see any reason at all not to believe your son.

If your son is regularly coming home with bruises then the nursery aren't doing their job. This shouldn't be happening in a well run nursery; at this age, the people who work there should be able to see what's going on.

I think you need to speak urgently to the nursery and to record the bruises and so on.

The next step after that is to start researching other nurseries. It isn't normal or right for a small child to come home with bruises regularly.

FauxSaux Sat 13-May-17 02:46:47

I'm not concerned about the nursery itself - they're really good and on the previous times I've mentioned​ this sort of thing they do keep a closer eye on behaviours. This other child only has 1 day a week where they're in the same room as my son for the day and for the most part they're do play together well, it's just lately that I've had the feeling things aren't quite right.

I know if i go in and speak to the nursery they'll listen and keep a close eye on things - but until this child goes to school in September there isn't much they can do.
If i thought there was something they could do or that they were ignoring the issue I'd move him asap. I know i have to protect him. I also know the upheaval of changing nurseries would be a massive blow to him. He loves nursery and the staff and has a lot of good friends there.

Orange80 Sat 13-May-17 03:34:20

Oh this is so sad. Yes, agree with other PPs, you must talk to nursery staff about this as soon as you can!

If there's only a clash one day a week, is there any rejigging you can do? More than one room so your son could go there instead?

If I'm being harsh (and I work in education) your nursery isn't very good if they're not on top of this already. These children are very young, the staff should have noticed on their own. In a good setting, they would have.

If the nursery staff are halfway decent, then they WILL be able to do something about this and make a positive change. Believe me, I know this age group well.

So sorry, op. Like a pp said - please speak up for your little boy.

FauxSaux Sat 13-May-17 06:47:22

I would always speak up for my boy. That was never in question. I just wanted to gather some facts from him first.
The first incident was after a day where this other child wasn't in so i think it was likely just a game that got carried on.
The preschoolers are all in the same room so they can all learn together and the set up works really well for my son.

I'll call them on Monday morning

FastForward2 Sat 13-May-17 07:07:26

The nursery staff can and should do something about this. Separating them is not the only option. They need to tell the other kids to stop this sort of game, it is wrong, they need to learn how to treat other people. I am amazed they have not noticed already.When you talk to them just give a list of the incidents as evidence, see what they say. I did this at school once, they acted very quickly.

TheWitchAndTrevor Sat 13-May-17 07:22:49

I'm not concerned about the nursery itself - they're really good and on the previous times I've mentioned​ this sort of thing they do keep a closer eye on behaviours

Well no they aren't really good are they? if these problems keep reappearing time and time again.

I would definitely be concerned about the nursery, if my 3 year was nervous of attending, comes home with bruises from rough play, is used as the stooge in older children's jokes, all on a regular basis.

Find a new nursery, do not subject your child to anymore of this.

Xmasbaby11 Sat 13-May-17 07:26:27

The nursery is not doing its job. They must be routinely not noticing bad behaviour. Really after one incident they should have been all over it. At nursery the children are closely supervised and there should be no room for bullying. I second pp saying go to the nursery and ask them to act on it quickly. If nothing is improved, move nurseries.

SeaEagleFeather Sat 13-May-17 07:58:57

Reading that the other boy is only there 1 day a week does make some difference especially if your son is happy and settled there otherwise.

But the nursery should indeed be on top of this. I think your plan of ringing them on monday is the right way to go. Tell them precisely what's happened, the 'games' this boy tries to get your son to do and the bruises. Make a note with time and date of any further incidents / bruises.

The 'jokes' and 'play' of this little boy are really not normal and he is learning them from somewhere. There is some cause for concern about what his own situation is. But all you can do is flag those concerns up to the nursery - and make sure they are a LOT more on the ball than they have been.

deai Sat 13-May-17 08:07:12

I'd he weary of believing exactly what a 3yo tells you! My 3yo told me repeatedly that 'm' hit him, was mean to him, wasnt nice to him, steals from him, gets him in trouble etc etc etc Then we were at the library play area the same time as M- turns out they are best friends and play brilliantly together

Lomninfid Sat 13-May-17 08:33:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lomninfid Sat 13-May-17 08:33:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FauxSaux Sat 13-May-17 08:42:11

I do take what he says with a pinch of salt and i know when he says this child hit him he's lying when the child isn't in.
He's very good in that if he's not happy he will tell an adult at nursery and they respond.
The things the 4yr old comes out with (via my son) are quite strange and it's evident he's been watching some strange things on you tube (especially as YouTube has a tendency to randomly play something after a video ends) - he was going on about cutting people's heads off the other day!

user1493022461 Sat 13-May-17 10:06:40

I think you have an over active imagination. There are nursery rhymes that mention chopping off heads, why on earth would you leap to watching inappropriate videos? confused

FauxSaux Sat 13-May-17 11:34:34

There's no nursery rhymes i remember that involve zombies...

user1493022461 Sat 13-May-17 11:36:05

And what has that go to do with youtube either? Have you heard of Halloween? Cartoons?
You're making assumptions on no evidence.

FauxSaux Sat 13-May-17 11:54:25

There's specific things he's said that I've put into Google and a video comes up with exactly what he's going on about. He was talking about something that happened in frozen and then said her head got cut off. Or something similar. There's a 'fan' made YouTube video of this. He's spoken about peppa pig being zombies etc There's others as well but I'm not going into more detail.

Halloween has been and gone. All he was interested in was pumpkins. Nursery go with traditional monsters and don't do zombies (presumably because if a child uses Google for zombies they're almost certainly going to find something more horrible than they would if they looked up witch or vampire)

user1493022461 Sat 13-May-17 11:56:13

Whatever. You've already decided about this child, even when you know he isn't even there when your very young child says he did somethng, you're still determined to think the absolute worse.
Knock yourself out.

FauxSaux Sat 13-May-17 12:02:42

I'm not sure whether you're deliberately not reading what I've written/can't understand what I've written or just trying to wind me up because you've nothing better to do.

The strange behaviours are most prominent after a day with this other child. My child consistently tells me it's this child who has told him these things. I've also seen how this child plays when ive gone to pick my son up, I've heard him telling others about videos he's watched. The staff do all they can to teach him and tell him to stop and use time out but they literally can't be everywhere at once.

user1493022461 Sat 13-May-17 12:32:42

So now you know what the staff are doing about him even though you haven't talked to the nursery about your concerns? That's odd.

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