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(145 Posts)
whatamisupposedtodo Wed 19-Apr-17 11:16:30

I have nc'd for this.

I have no idea what to do. I'm in shock and feel numb.

Me and DP recently went through a rough patch over Christmas and new year. We became close to splitting but thankfully we sorted it out and things have been the best they have been for a long time. Apart from this one time our relationship on the whole has been good.

I woke up randomly at 3am this morning and for whatever reason I decided to go on his phone. I have no idea why...I had no need to suspect anything. I just did it and there in his message was a string of texts going back to June 2016 (way before our rough patch started) from his ex. This is his ex from when he was 16-18 years old. The texts were so hurtful to read. I couldn't even read them. I went to the bathroom and was sick and haven't been able to sleep since.

The last text to her from my DP was...'It's you. It's always been you. I'm excited for us xxx'

I've looked her up on Facebook and from why I can see she has an 8 month old daughter and got engaged last year. What the hell?

I am beside myself and I don't know what to think, say or do

JaxingJump Wed 19-Apr-17 11:20:09

I think you need to screen shot his messages and pack his bags. It's awful. Awful. But for me there would be no coming back from this. Easy to say I know but if you are not married and especially if there are no kids involved you really should walk.

User7654 Wed 19-Apr-17 11:21:04

sad So sorry you're going through this. Can't imagine your pain.

Are you going to confront him? Are you able to access his phone again and take screenshots/forward the messages to yourself?

Hugs flowers

whatamisupposedtodo Wed 19-Apr-17 11:21:10

I'm sorry I should have said. We have 2 DC

histinyhandsarefrozen Wed 19-Apr-17 11:21:33

What a shock. You poor thing.

Let him go, Op (by which I mean get rid of him.) It sounds like he's not been with you - in his heart - for a long time.

whatamisupposedtodo Wed 19-Apr-17 11:24:50

He went to work at 7am and wondered why I was up. I just said that I couldn't sleep. He gave me a kiss and went off to work. I haven't said anything (we don't normally speak whilst he's at work anyway). I don't know what to say to him. I could access his phone again tonight when he is asleep but not sure how I would get the messages to my phone and what I would do with them?

My life has been turned upside down

JaxingJump Wed 19-Apr-17 11:25:48

Oh OP. I'm sorry. It's a bit more complicated then.

To be honest I think the outcome will be the same (of miserable for you long term if you stay) so in some ways you might as well skip to the bit where you tell him to leave and move the fuck forwards.

user1483387154 Wed 19-Apr-17 11:28:03

Is her baby his?
The message would be enough for me to pack his bags and kick him out. Deffinitely take photo evidence of the message.

whatamisupposedtodo Wed 19-Apr-17 11:28:21

Luckily the DC are staying with my parents until Friday as they are on half term.

I've sat in the same spot since 3am unable to move or think.

Madbengalmum Wed 19-Apr-17 11:28:30

My goodness I feel for you. Gather as much information as you can, screenshots of messages, and start planning to kick him out. I would take advice from a solicitor too before you let him know what you know.

whatamisupposedtodo Wed 19-Apr-17 11:30:31

From what I can see on Facebook she got engaged last year and has an 8month old baby so I would assume it's her partners child but now I don't know what to think. From the messages I saw it seems they meet up regularly

whatamisupposedtodo Wed 19-Apr-17 11:31:18

I'm not sure why I need to screen shot the messages? What am I supposed to do with them?

Madbengalmum Wed 19-Apr-17 11:31:39

Get your evidence sorted. You will need it and it will help you.

SquarePegNoHope Wed 19-Apr-17 11:33:17

I've been exactly where you are now.

My dc were all under 6 at the time.

I know exactly how you are feeling. You go numb. You feel paralysed with shock.

We are here x

Collect evidence. Don't be fobbed off. I wish I had kept stuff from the early days-my h lied so well I really did doubt myself.

He's an arse - don't do what I did. Get rid.

Madbengalmum Wed 19-Apr-17 11:33:18

Evidence will help with you case if you need to claim maintenance or if you are married help with divorce. Plus, if you have the info he will struggle to deny it, because if he is sly he will try to deny and delete everything.

SquarePegNoHope Wed 19-Apr-17 11:34:09

Screenshot then send it to your phone.

Then store the image somewhere off your phone (e mail to yourself)

Ducks in a row.

whatamisupposedtodo Wed 19-Apr-17 11:34:14

I feel so stupid. How could I have not known? How long would this have gone on for? When did this all start? How did it start?

I have so many questions that I need answering

Madbengalmum Wed 19-Apr-17 11:36:55

I imagine it is hard, but you must have a clear head. If you follow the advice it will save you alot of aggro. You need to try to get yourself together and get your advice before you confront him.

flibberdy Wed 19-Apr-17 11:49:54

So so sorry to hear this. Practical advice, instead of screenshotting and sending to yourself from his phone take photos of his screen from your own. This saves having to delete screenshots and the messages to you from his phone.. I hope this makes sense.
You must feel so bewildered, I know the feeling well. A sickness deep down. So sorry you're going through this flowers

user1483387154 Wed 19-Apr-17 11:52:37

You are not stupid at all, you have been betrayed. I am so sorry you are going through this.

SquarePegNoHope Wed 19-Apr-17 11:53:12

I was the same. It's very likely you'll get lie after lie my lovely. sadYour efforts should be now in organising yourself and deciding what you do from now on.

See a solicitor as soon as you are able.

It felt like I'd been kicked in the belly the first time as my h was your typical stand up charming guy who'd walk old ladies across the road. None of that matters. What mattered was how badly he treated what should have been his nearest and dearest and that's why I'm half way through my planning to up and fucking leave.

I'm not kidding myself that I won't have stress. I just cannot wait for the joy of not having to wring my hands anymore wondering how many more lies will surface.

Get your evidence-then go from there.

flibberdy Wed 19-Apr-17 11:53:55

As to why you need screenshots. If your DP is anything like my DH he will deny deny deny. At one point my DH claimed someone else must've been on his phone and sent them 🙄. This is a common occurrence with many cheating partners it seems after talking to some betrayed spouses

MissPatty Wed 19-Apr-17 12:10:04

Screenshot the messages and send them to yourself (then delete the evidence that you've done that, obviously!)
Like fibberdy, my husband denied everything and then even when faced with screenshots he accused ME of fabricating them to "make <him> look bad" hmm

whatamisupposedtodo Wed 19-Apr-17 12:46:56

I have to leave don't I? Get the evidence and leave

whatamisupposedtodo Wed 19-Apr-17 12:47:29

We are supposed to be going to his sisters for dinner tonight for her birthday. How on earth am I meant togo and pretend everything is ok?

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