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I want to move, DH doesn't agree

(4 Posts)
chocolatey123 Tue 18-Apr-17 11:10:53

I moved to my DH's area as he runs his own business and is the main breadwinner of the family. We live 45 minutes from my home, which I appreciate is no time at all for most people, but I come from a closely knit family all living in or around the same village. For that reason I feel like a bit of a stranger at times, but this was my choice to make before I married DH and I am happy to accept this and stand by my decision. I have worked hard to meet people and make a life for myself there and am lucky to have a small group of really close friends and a wider group of people I know and am friendly with.

We live on the edge of a smallish town. I like the general area that we live in, but hate the town itself. It is rundown and scruffy and there are very few shops or facilities. There really isn't much going for it and it is very unlikely to change - it was featured on one of those Mary Portass programs where she tried to turn the town around, but nothing changed unfortunately. The schools are poor and although our DC is not at school age just yet, this is obviously something that is on the horizon. In essence, there is just nothing there for me and it isn't the place I see my future. There are plenty of nice villages in the surrounding area, with great schools, achievable house prices, people we know nearby etc etc that I would be very happy to live in and are only 10 minutes or so from DH's work.

Financially we can afford to move. We aren't rolling in it by any means, but it's certainly achievable.

I would really like to move in the near future. My DH says fine but not at the moment because he wants to wait for the right property to come up. I do see where he is coming from and I wouldn't want to rush into buying the wrong property, but whenever I suggest properties that I have seen for sale or try to discuss what our criteria is, our budget etc, the conversation either ends in an argument or him changing the subject. This makes me think that he has no intention of moving and that he is just saying we will to pacify me.

He grew up in this town and everything he needs (parents, work, friends, hobbies) is right on his doorstep. I would like to involve myself in a community that I feel happy and settled in, to be able to make further contacts and develop friendships for both myself and my DC.

Am I being unreasonable to think it would be a fair compromise for my DH to move to somewhere I feel more settled in which still allows him to carry on doing all the things he wants to do? Should I have a bit more faith in him and accept that if he says we will move one day, we will?

I know I am very lucky to have a DH and a DC and that 45 minutes really isn't far compared to some people who are hundreds of miles away from home, but it is starting to eat me up and I just want to know whether I am being a bit of a plonker or whether I need to stand my ground.

user1491572121 Tue 18-Apr-17 13:15:24

How old is your DC? You need to get the Ofsted reports of the local school he or she would attend and show them to him if they're bad. The school issue alone is enough to move for.

chocolatey123 Tue 18-Apr-17 15:19:39

Only 18 months, but all of the local villages have lovely playgroups attached to their primary schools and I'd love to start as we mean to go on and get integrated into the community, as well as the school itself.

Good idea to get Ofsted reports though. I know that the schools in our town are rated needing improvement, whereas the local village schools are all rated outstanding. I know things can change and by the time DC is school age the schools may have improved, but they have had bad ratings for a very long time so it is perhaps less likely that things will turn around that much in that time. You are right though that reading the full report might make it a bit more real than just seeing a rating.

summerlovinggirl Wed 19-Apr-17 16:00:22

I think it's a man thing!! They don't like moving, they don't like all the hassle that comes with moving!!
I was desperate to move a few years ago; DH didn't. Couldn't see what was wrong with where we lived, couldn't see we'd grown out of it, didn't mind living in a town etc etc!!
What I would suggest (I do this a lot with my DH as we're both quite firey!) is sit down together and allow one another 5 minutes talking without the other interrupting, then allow the other their time. You write pro's/ cons etc down so both parties can see. He may have genuine reasons to stay that you haven't considered or he may not realise just how important it is for you.
Before you start you have to agree to not shout and get moody with one another and accept that it'll be an open conversation.
With my DH I have to really spell out my feelings - he's wonderful but has no idea how a woman's mind / heart works!! 😂 yours may just need some serious coaching and mentoring too!
Btw - we did move!! Persistence and nagging also works!! 😜

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