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Child talking about suicide

(78 Posts)
NotTodayBillyRay Mon 17-Apr-17 21:26:34

My 10 year old is being bullied at school, mostly name calling but has been physical while "playing" and Ds comes home from school bruised occasionally. Now it's the Easter holidays and ds goes to the park on his own and they have started the name calling and following him everywhere.

He has said to his brothers that he wants to die, that he's going to kill himself and I'm at a loss as what to do. School have tried to help, they have spoken to the boys who have all denied it. They have set it up so ds can walk out of class at anytime "to calm himself down" so he is spending a lot of time on the corridor.

I will be going back in first thing next Monday to talk to the head but is it worth seeing the gp? Can they help at all??

Wickedstepmum67 Mon 17-Apr-17 21:37:26

I'm so sorry for your poor lad and for you having to see him go through all this- big hugs to you both. Bullying is vile and often not taken anything like seriously enough by schools. I'd try and talk to him, reassure him it's not his fault, and isn't going to be forever. I'd keep him off school too and see your GP. Is there access to a counsellor at his school? Sorry, not up to date with some things, no experience of younger children, but was a bullied child myself once.

NotTodayBillyRay Mon 17-Apr-17 21:43:46

He's been on the waiting list for a school counsellor since the beginning of march when his grand father died, but he'll likely not see one this school year. I just don't know what to do, we talk all the time about these boys, to ignore them and block them out.

MollyHuaCha Mon 17-Apr-17 21:58:08

Yes, def see GP and be assertive about getting urgent counselling. Take your DS's suicide talk seriously. I would second the PP's suggestion of keeping him off school, but not home alone - he needs your company or supportive grandparents. I would stop him going alone to the park where there bullies are. It's not going to be solved with counselling alone, sch needs to help deal with the bullying. Meanwhile, I would suggest that you try to increase your DS's 'feel good' experiences which might help him put the bullying in perspective - take him swimming, cycling, to a climbing wall, to see a fun movie, safari park, country walk, Go Ape etc., all making nice memories.

Wickedstepmum67 Mon 17-Apr-17 21:59:10

So sorry it's taking so long for a counsellor, and with a bereavement too. Unfortunately ignoring and trying to block out bullies tends not to deter them and the hurt is still there. Bullies also have an awful way of isolating those they bully. In school, it really needs adult intervention to support the child and send a clear message bullying won't be tolerated. Doesn't sound like your son's school is doing all they might be - his being sent to hang around in a corridor is not meeting his educational or emotional needs. GP support may give school an extra push and keeping your son away until school works with you to resolve this situation.

wfrances Mon 17-Apr-17 21:59:30

yes , id see the gp ,and the school ,if you don't get any joy from the school contact the local education authority.
could you afford to see a counselor privately ?

Paperdolly Mon 17-Apr-17 22:03:10

If you are waiting for a counsellor there is online help available from charities such as childline and NSPCC. This may help support him and yourself for now.

Littlebunnyboy130 Mon 17-Apr-17 22:14:00

The referral for counselling was made because of his grandfather's death? The referral needs to be remade because of a child protection issue, which is a safeguarding issue- re self harm and suicide. Have the school followed their internal safeguarding procedures with regards to this? It doesn't sound like they have, allowing him to walk out of class isn't good enough. He's struggling and shouldn't be getting to the point of having to leave. I would urgently get him into the GP, ask for a CAHM's referral and ask the school about their safeguarding practice and if they have completed a safeguarding in regards to this. I would keep him off school and nurture as much as you can. Really hope you get some help.

NotTodayBillyRay Mon 17-Apr-17 22:37:19

I will ring gp in the morning for cahms referral. Thanks for that!

I'm really not happy with this school and the attitude to bullying. Ds was bullied from year 1 to year 4 (until this bully left) and they wouldn't/couldn't do anything. He stabbed ds in the arm with a pencil, punched him plus name calling, but school claimed they did all they could as he was special educational needs.

I failed to protect him then but I'm not letting this go, hearing my 10 year old say he wants to die because of 4 boys is heartbreaking.

I can't really afford private counselling but I'd find a way

Wickedstepmum67 Mon 17-Apr-17 22:56:31

The school failed to protect your son, OP, you didn't fail him 💐

Littlebunnyboy130 Mon 17-Apr-17 22:56:57

Sorry I meant CAMHS (child adolescent mental health services) . You need to really make it clear to GP your concerns. Good luck.

Tantpoke Mon 17-Apr-17 23:23:58

Yes you have to see your GP to be referred to camhs now that you feel it's gone to the next level, which clearly it appears to.
I do want to add for what it's worth that your DS going to the park is a positive thing in that he is not locking himself in his room at home. He is still being sociable despite the bullies and of course he does have brothers on his side so he is not isolated. I hope this gets sorted out and he finds good coping strategies and that eventually going to secondary School will help widen his friendship circle

NotTodayBillyRay Tue 18-Apr-17 08:49:39

He's denying he said it to his brothers, but I've heard him say it before.

Don't know what to do now. Will try and talk to him later when it's just us, but going to try and have a fun day today

vgiraffe Tue 18-Apr-17 11:10:40

Think I lost my last pay but apologies if I a mistake posting twice.

Definitely get your son to the GP, ask for an urgent appt if necessary so you're not waiting for weeks. Also try googling young persons counselling in your area. There are two organisations in my area that offer counselling for ages 9-25 I think which is low cost or you just pay what you can afford.

castleontheground Tue 18-Apr-17 11:39:20

The Children's Bereavement Centre was brilliant for us. I phoned them up - hardly any wait. No cost but we have given them a donation. My daughter was getting picked on and was low already because her grandpa had died. Her resilience was zero. They made an analogy with a glass being full of water with a person full of stress so the glass can't take anymore water (stressors) as the water overflows. Hopefully having lots of lovely family time and support will help to empty that glass a bit. I did phone up one of the parents a vaguely knew and blubbed down the phone about her grandparent. The boy stopped immediately.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Tue 18-Apr-17 11:45:34

Are his brothers old enough to follow him and scare the shit out of them?
No way would my older ds not get verbally involved. .
I was bullied at school terribly until a relative cornered her and told her less than politely to stop.

Funnyonion17 Tue 18-Apr-17 11:56:16

This is so sad, made me want to cry. Why on earth is he being made to leave the class if he's the victim?

Have you tried the police OP? I would remove my DC from any situation like this as it's extreme and the consequences don't bare thinking about. Please don't tell your DC to ignore them, he is being abused and nobody who is the victim of abuse should ignore it. I can appreciate not every child will fight back either, but if he was my DS i would remove him from the school and do everything in my power to make the school answer to their failings. Can he goto a new school Op? I would let him know that you won't let them bully him no more, no child should have to live like this.

castleontheground Tue 18-Apr-17 13:14:15

....just had to add that your ds situation is obviously more physical so I would be getting photos of bruises and document stuff. His older brothers sound like a source of support too. Hopefully they will be at the same school next year if your ds is Yr6. it is amazing how siblings can be awful to one another but in bullying situations older ones always help the younger ones in my experience.

NotTodayBillyRay Wed 19-Apr-17 16:26:05

Ds is still denying he said it.

GP's were useless, couldn't get an appointment so spoke on phone and he wouldn't refer him. So I have an appointment next week with his gp who is amazing.

Ds went to the park today, first time since Sunday and came home after 30 minutes crying. Two of the boys were there calling him names and taking his football. His older brother is going out with him tomorrow and will look after him (he's 12).

Ds is in year 5 so another year at this school, we've been asking since year 3 to change his class but they won't do it. There is another school half a mile away but that means changing schools for his younger brother and sister. I will do it if I have to, but want to leave that for a last resort.

At the moment Ds is cuddled up with me quietly sobbing sad

Foldedtshirt Wed 19-Apr-17 16:42:08

Don't let him go to the park alone again. In an ideal world he wouldn't be being bullied but it's not an ideal world, so do what you can do to protect him and keep him at home alternately, send him, hover out of sight and then appear and punch the boys in the face
flowers

NotTodayBillyRay Fri 21-Apr-17 12:09:25

He's not allowed to the park alone.

The side of our garden is on the side of a street (corner hous) and we've just had the little brats shouting at my Ds, so now he won't even go into his own garden!!

I've had enough!!!

ihatethecold Fri 21-Apr-17 13:12:25

your son was assaulted by the bully, That is enough for you to go to the police, the school are sticking their head in the sand.

My DD13 was bullied so badly on Social Media by a school "friend" that we got the police involved. The bully was given a Community resolution order by the police.
The bullying stopped after this.

I would recommend you look up the schools anti bullying policy and quote it to them.

The after effects of bullying are horrendous and i really feel for your son.

NotTodayBillyRay Fri 21-Apr-17 14:19:06

I've reported them to the police, they are classing it as anti social behaviour. Also got some really good advice. Was told to not let him return to school Monday, but take him in to talk to someone but to not leave him there.

Also I cried down the phone to my gp receptionist and we have an appointment this afternoon. He's not denying he said he wanted to kill himself anymore.

ihatethecold Fri 21-Apr-17 16:07:25

Ok. That fact he has told you is a good thing.
Just to prepare you though. Camhs really isn't great.
They are so underfunded and the waiting list is long.
Can you contact a charity that helps with grief or bullying?
I would be asking the police about what they intend to do about the crime.
Why are they classing it as anti social instead of harassment or abuse?

NotTodayBillyRay Fri 21-Apr-17 21:41:21

He has been referred to cyps and she said to expect a call next week.

The woman I spoke to on 101 said it's anti social behaviour but I'm waiting for a call back to discuss with an officer. To be honest I didn't think there was anything to involve the police with so I'm happy there is something.

Ds told the doctor he still feels like lolling himself so she said to not leave him alone for too long, do some fun things and take his mind away from what's going on.

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