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Can you be happy without friends?

(13 Posts)
CharlieLala Wed 12-Apr-17 18:51:36

Just that really...I'm in my early 30s and have never really had a 'best friend' but have always had a couple of friends I can meet up with & chat too, however, over the last 2 years I have lost contact with the 3 friends I did have & now I am down to none!

I've been obsessing over it for ages and trying to see the positives in my life instead, I have a DH & 2 DC all of whom I love very much, I have a good relationship with my sister/siblings, i have a job I enjoy & a nice home.

Unless I'm with my family I'm not great in social situations and feel really anxious, I always feel I'm not good enough (what I'm wearing & what I look like) & my mind goes blank & I have no idea what to say so end up saying nothing & then come across as unfriendly I'm sure!

Can I be happy with no friends? I feel like I should be so grateful that I'm married at all & that I have DC and a nice little house but it just doesn't seem enough (and that makes me feel awful & sound it I'm sure)

NoMudNoLotus2 Wed 12-Apr-17 18:57:36

I'm not sure "true" friendship really exists or if it does it's very rare. If you're slightly socially anxious or quite/shy etc, it seems to go against you as people don't not like you but you're easily over looked or forgotten.

That's my experience anyway smile

CharlieLala Wed 12-Apr-17 19:08:23

Thanks for your reply, what you're saying makes a lot of sense, rather than mourning my lost friendships I should be working on my own anxieties, I just wish there was an easy way to do this. I just feel like there is something missing x

ColdCottage Wed 12-Apr-17 21:46:41

I don't have loads of close friends but I do treasure the ones I do have. I think it is important to have a safe outlet to talk about things you may not always want to speak to family about. Say a moan about DH, family might read more into it than just a vent.

Can you reconnect with the three friends who have become a bit more distant or maybe work on a connection you feel with a parent of any of your DC?

If you are anxious your GP can offer advice or ask for someone in the surgery who specialises in this area. I am confident in many ways but have social anxiety at times (questioning how people have taken what I have said when they probably think nothing of it) I am happy with my management of this as it's not too bad but I have a friend who suffers more than I do and a mild anti anxiety drug really helps her.

Do you have a hobby just for you? Maybe from something you enjoy on your own you might be able to join a group and build a natural friendship with a new person or group of people. You will need this more as your children get older and then leave home.

Smeaton Wed 12-Apr-17 21:52:11

I don't have friends.
When I did, they just wanted stuff from me. Money, help with cars or PCs etc. And yet times when I needed help they would suddenly be busy.
More or less every text I ever got from friends started with,
"Hiya mate, sorry its been a while but can you lend me / have a look at...."

Catherinebee85 Wed 12-Apr-17 21:52:23

That could have been written by me, apart from the DH, children and close siblings. Anyone would say I'm a lovely friendly person, I just have no idea how to progress nice conversations to a friendship. I'm so awkward and so scared of rejection.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs Wed 12-Apr-17 21:58:31

I have lots of "friends", accumulated through various stages of my life, many of whom were hugely important to me at the time, but I am crap at keeping in touch, and I can never be bothered to organise nights out etc, so I hardly ever see them. My best mate lives abroad now too. I feel a bit sad about not having anyone that I could call at 3am if the need arose, but I have my family I guess.

I think it gets difficult to devote time to friendships as life gets busier. I work, DH is in the Royal Navy, so away a lot, I have 3 kids with a far busier social life than me...hard to fit friends in! I feel guilty for not making more of an effort, but I'm too lazy to fix it blush

skerrywind Wed 12-Apr-17 22:04:40

Yes!

I am a very happy sociophobe- as is my OH.

I am not anxious- but I find company totally draining.

HappyGirl86 Wed 12-Apr-17 22:08:03

I'm so similar to you Charlie, and I know how you feel. I keep trying to say "ah it doesn't matter" but I still feel like it does matter and I'm missing something. It's quite a sad feeling really!

Emphasise Wed 12-Apr-17 22:09:43

I've never had a lot of friends. It takes me a really long time to get close enough to someone to consider them proper friends. I have one good friend, but she's much more out going than me and has loads of good friends so she's not exclusively mine iyswim, which is fine.

Sounds corny but DH us my best friend and I "use" him in all the situations a best friend is required.

However, over the last decade I have become very involved in am interest and know loads of people through that so I have lots of people to provide "company" even though I don't feel particularly close to them. My life is undoubtedly richer for that.

crunched Wed 12-Apr-17 22:11:06

I could be happy without friends but I guess only you can speak for you.

You are not isolated, it sounds like your DH and your siblings provide the support, laughter etc. that others may need friends for.

OdinsLoveChild Wed 12-Apr-17 22:18:02

Yes you can be happy. You need to realise that you don't need anyone else's approval to be a good/happy/nice person. Once you know this you can become happier in yourself.

Friends often have expectations that may not make you happy. My ex friends always relied on me to help, lend, advise etc and it was draining because I couldn't say no. Once I realised that I didn't need them I was so much happier but it took a long time to realise this. I started saying no and they dropped me. They weren't true friends after all. I just couldn't see it.

CharlieLala Thu 13-Apr-17 11:47:00

Thank you for the replies, unfortunately I can't reconnect with those friends that I have lost, I have tried and have had messages/calls ignored or just very non commital responses, the one friend that I was closest with basically replaced me ☹️, she made a new friend and had less and less time for me until it turned into none. It does worry me that I am the common denominator here, i just wish I knew what I was doing wrong?

Like I say I know I should be happy with the relationships I have with family, I just really wish I had friends too, and like another poster said as much as I try to tell myself I don't need them, I do feel like something is missing in my life.

I've tried to strike up friendships with dc friends mums but to be honest although they are very friendly people they are so busy & all already seem to have a close network of friends.

A hobby is a good idea, I don't have one so I'll have to try and think of something that I would enjoy, thanks again for the replies (and apologies for any spelling mistakes!)

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