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I've slept with my divorce lawyer!

(38 Posts)
user1491939638 Tue 11-Apr-17 20:53:28

Long term lurker, occasional poster and created a new profile because I've forgotten the password for my email account to reset my old one!

I am currently going through a very messy divorce. After a couple of weeks of ignoring and downplaying advances and inappropriate texts from my solicitor I ended up sleeping with him over the weekend. Of all the stupid things I have ever done this is probably quite high up there. He has since ceased all communication. I have no idea whatsoever where I stand. It was exciting and fun and a real boost for my shattered self esteem, but now I'm left feeling even worse than before. I have no idea if he will even (or can even?) continue to represent me?

I don't know what I'm asking for here but basically what would you do in this situation?

Aroseforemily Tue 11-Apr-17 20:56:26

I'd find a new divorce lawyer. It sounds like he's taken advantage of you.

FuzzyOwl Tue 11-Apr-17 20:57:29

I agree with Arose.

Heirhelp Tue 11-Apr-17 20:58:46

^ Agree

ilovesooty Tue 11-Apr-17 21:01:20

Surely lawyers must have some code of practice which vetoes sexual relationships with clients?

Find someone else to act for you.

tomatoplantproject Tue 11-Apr-17 21:02:00

Get a new lawyer. You need to have complete trust and faith in your divorce lawyer and know 100% they are on your side. I would sack mine in a heartbeat if I felt she had abused my trust in any way (what with her knowing more about some parts of my life than anyone else).

werekitty Tue 11-Apr-17 21:02:05

This is definitely in violation of the SRA code of conduct, you should look at the client care letter you received and complain about him to the partner listed.

FatOldBag Tue 11-Apr-17 21:03:59

First of all <high five> because shagging your divorce lawyer is just an awesome thing to have done. Unforch, now you have to deal with the consequences, which at the very least means an awkward conversation along the lines of "let's forget about that and move on professionally now it's out of our systems". At worst, if you can't look him in the eye, you need a new lawyer, and they might ask you why you're changing lawyers at this stage - brazen it out "I shagged the last one!" they'll think you're awesome too, I promise.

Vaus Tue 11-Apr-17 21:07:14

Report to the SRA.

childmaintenanceserviceinquiry Tue 11-Apr-17 21:13:27

please report. you are vulnerable and he has taken advantage. Gross unprofessional conduct on his part. No matter what you did or how you behaved he needed to remain professional.

BigGrannyPants Tue 11-Apr-17 21:16:30

I would report him for taking advantage of a vulnerable client! You are probably not the first, sorry OP... find a new solicitor... an ugly one grin

pilates Tue 11-Apr-17 21:23:34

Definitely report to SRA

Cloudylemons Tue 11-Apr-17 21:25:29

This happened to a good friend of mine, and it turned out that her solicitor had a history of the same behaviour with a number of his (vulnerable) female clients. I'd find a new lawyer as soon as you can.

HeteronormativeHaybales Tue 11-Apr-17 21:27:41

This is really not that far off a doctor or therapist doing the same, in terms of exploitativeness and reprehensibility.

user1491939638 Tue 11-Apr-17 21:35:02

I don't feel taken advantage of. I had ample opportunity to stop it happening. I'm mostly just annoyed that I have no idea where I now stand!

thequeenoftarts Tue 11-Apr-17 21:35:23

Look you were both adults, although depending on the reasons for your divorce, you may have been vulnerable/exploited by mr shit hot lawyer. If that was the case then by all means report him for taking advantage of you. However if it was not for those reasons and you were both consenting adults I would probably laugh it off, mark up a notch on my bedpost and move on. Arrange a meeting in a cafe with him, and ask for him to transfer your case to another partner and move on. No harm done. Put your sensible head on lol and don't be shagging the solicitors in future

Polisee Tue 11-Apr-17 21:39:40

I don't understand why some posters are saying the OP was vulnerable or that the lawyer took advantage. He wasn't her Doctor or teacher and she isn't a child.

Presumably she slept with him because she wanted too. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know the OP says she downplayed the lawyers texts but somehow she got from that point to sleeping with him within two weeks.

OP, I think he sounds an idiot to have slept with you while he is working for you and I don't think I'd want an idiot to be my lawyer.

Vaus Tue 11-Apr-17 23:11:41

He is still her lawyer, this didn't happen before or after he agreed to represent. This needs to be reported, you may not consider yourself vulnerable but you are. As a lawyer this is extremely bad conduct, God only knows how many other people he is manipulating.

totalidiotapparently Thu 13-Apr-17 09:46:26

I cannot believe that a divorce lawyer would do something so stupid (I can believe it, I just mean in an omg what was he thinking way).

Sex with someone who is not your spouse is adultery in England & Wales, even if it takes place after the separation date. So, this has the potential to affect your divorce proceedings. Something to think about if you were reporting him, which I agree would be a completely legitimate thing to do. Personally, I would be inclined to change solicitors and leave it there (but don't stand for him contacting you again - he has imperilled your legal position).

flyingaspidistra Thu 13-Apr-17 10:42:40

A bit irresponsible of you, OP? You are fighting a major battle with your divorce so try not to expose yourself to friendly fire. Your self esteem will be boosted well enough when you get a good settlement smile

MariafromMalmo Thu 13-Apr-17 11:44:56

Good on you OP. At least you'll get a massive discount on your bill now😀.

Seriously though, ask them to move you to a different person in their firm.

Norland Thu 13-Apr-17 11:58:02

As he's a solicitor, he'll work in 6' increments (1/10th of an hour) so if you drop him a line with bullet-points, he'll understand where you're coming from.

- was this a one-off?
- will your time shagging me be added to my bill?
- as I was appreciative of your efforts, will I receive a discount?
- does your wife know?
- does anybody in your firm know?
- are you confident you can still represent me to the best possible outcome for me in court?

Glad you had a good weekend and your self-confidence has had a boost. If he's not married/engaged/living with someone then it might be worth trying for a repeat performance on the grounds he might do a better job for you and get you a better settlement, if he thinks you're about to become somewhat wealthier than when he first met you.

Stormtreader Thu 13-Apr-17 12:01:11

I cant help but picture the scenario in court.

"I see one of your points is infidelity within the marriage, when did this occur?"
"About 20 minutes ago, with Dave"
Dave waves awkwardly

kathkim Thu 13-Apr-17 12:02:07

Well, now that you've got that out of your system, OP wink I think you need a new lawyer. Would just be less awkward all round. It may also be a sign this guy is not very professional and you need him to be to get this divorce done right.

Gileswithachainsaw Thu 13-Apr-17 12:04:10

This is exactly the kinda stuff I'd do blush

Despite messages always being clearly jokey or full of deflections I still somehow manage to end up with pics in a very short space of time..hmm

I'd find a new lawyer. and go for a round 2 if you can handle him being a dick

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