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Struggling with fact that dh used to kiss his sister as a child

(73 Posts)
ShortWig Tue 11-Apr-17 16:55:20

I've namechanged because my posting history is extensive and I can't have this linked back to me.
I found out a few months back that dh, aged around 9 or 10, used to kiss his sister, naked, over a period of time. She's marginally older, and knows that I know now.
I've not had a great deal of contact with her recently, but over the last 2 weeks or so have been in close company a few times.

Past of me (the larger, rational part) thinks, they were just kids, they both know it was wrong and have beat themselves up over it for years since.

However, there's a part of me that feels physically sick when I saw them together. They've obviously had years and years to try and reconcile this with themselves, and I'm afraid I just can't sad

I just don't know what I can do, I can't help the way I feel.

neonrainbow Tue 11-Apr-17 16:57:22


MapMyMum Tue 11-Apr-17 16:59:37

Did he kiss her just on the lips and did it go further than kissing?

ShortWig Tue 11-Apr-17 17:01:09

No, it went (slightly) further.

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 11-Apr-17 17:01:57

I'm not sure what to say but sorry you're having a rough time. How did you find out? Did your DH tell you? Are you worried there are other things you don't know or just trying to process the revelations to date?

ShortWig Tue 11-Apr-17 17:01:59

I think it was a fairly short period of time.

neonrainbow Tue 11-Apr-17 17:02:39

Im confused as to what you're suggesting or why you've posted this really.

ShortWig Tue 11-Apr-17 17:03:52

Dh did tell me, but I could tell he was struggling to do so. I'm just finding it much harder to deal with after having them both in the same room.

wowbutter Tue 11-Apr-17 17:04:20

If you are struggling with this, you need to speak to your husband.
Really, it's happened now, so you have two option: get over it or leave him.

I think as children we all did weird, dangerous, silly, or unacceptable things. He experimented sexually with his sibling, before he knew it was wrong.

ShortWig Tue 11-Apr-17 17:04:34

I'm not suggesting anything rainbow, I've put down what happened.

ShortWig Tue 11-Apr-17 17:05:26

But I think about when I was that age, and couldn't imagine even entertaining that sort of scenario with my sibling.

gamerchick Tue 11-Apr-17 17:05:52

So they did some mild practically incest and you've just found out?

What do you want to happen? To cut her off?

summerfling Tue 11-Apr-17 17:06:03

Went slightly further than kissing?

What did they do at that age??

ShortWig Tue 11-Apr-17 17:06:05

I suppose it is a put up or leave scenario.

summerfling Tue 11-Apr-17 17:07:48

I used to kiss my brother when we were kids. The usual, kiss on the lips, we loved each other back then.....I don't view it as weird or incestuous hmm

ShortWig Tue 11-Apr-17 17:07:58

I really like her, she's a lovely person. I wouldn't want to cut her off, but I can't help feeling sick at the moment.

ShortWig Tue 11-Apr-17 17:08:46

Well, it was naked kissing, under covers and, I suppose touching each other up.

MysweetAudrina Tue 11-Apr-17 17:09:13

Kids do stuff I don't think it means anything other than they were kids and crossed boundaries that you would prefer your kids not to cross. I don't understand why it is affecting you though. Am sure it goes on more than people admit. They were experimenting. I'm really not sure what the issue is?

LettuceMash Tue 11-Apr-17 17:11:13

I'm not sure I get it, do you want to stop contact?

HecateAntaia Tue 11-Apr-17 17:12:25

it sounds like it goes beyond normal children's 'you show me yours and i'll show you mine"
i think he would benefit from counselling. working through it with a trained professional might benefit him.

ShortWig Tue 11-Apr-17 17:12:30

I don't actually see her that often, but having thought I was dealing with it ok, realised I'm not. Maybe it's just me.

Platimum Tue 11-Apr-17 17:14:31

I'm surprised that they wanted to. That's the part I'd struggle with.
I have a brother who is a bit younger than I am and I just wouldn't have wanted that so I think in your shoes I'd be struggling to understand what motivated them.

Ignore the snippy posts. This IS a difficult thing to accept and understand imo

ApplePaltrow21 Tue 11-Apr-17 17:16:04

oh is there where mumsnet cool wives all shame you for feeling weird about actual incest... oh, i participated in all family orgies. nbd. maybe you'd prefer netmums.

well, i'd feel bloody weird about it. they didn't really do anything wrong i think (they were kids) BUT it's okay for you to feel odd about it.

ShortWig Tue 11-Apr-17 17:16:12

Yes, platimum...They must both have wanted to. And it's really hard to understand.

Platimum Tue 11-Apr-17 17:18:42

ps, I think you did an excellent job of really dispassionately setting out what happened. You put the facts down.

To suggest that you ''accept it or leave'' makes me chuckle in despair. There is a worthwhile journey between accept it or leave. THAT is where the discussion lies. THAT is why you posted!

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