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If you earn a lot more than your sister would you expect

(35 Posts)
Howlandbreathe Mon 10-Apr-17 08:22:37

Them to pay for everything if you spent a weekend with them ?

I'm talking a lot more... say like 6 times more. Where school fees, second homes and multiple cars are the norm... just so you get the picture

Howlandbreathe Mon 10-Apr-17 08:24:34

No no no ... so if you were the poorer relative would you expect the more affluent relative to pay for everything or would you contribute at all ?

Okite Mon 10-Apr-17 08:26:00

We have a lot more than our siblings, we never spend weekends just with the siblings (parents or in laws are usually there too) but we pay for more than half of whatever is going on. E.g. If we have a meal out, we'd pay for it, or go to an event, we'd pay for that. We wouldn't necessarily pay for food if we were eating at their home.

Okite Mon 10-Apr-17 08:26:32

Oh and it's never expected, but we would always offer

Howlandbreathe Mon 10-Apr-17 08:28:10

So everybody else contributes a little something ? You as the more affluent family are not expected to pick up the bill every. Single. Time. ?

newmumwithquestions Mon 10-Apr-17 08:28:21

No I wouldn't expect it.
I would hope that family would help each other out in a tight spot, and sometimes treat.
Expect them to pay for anything? No.

DoItTooJulia Mon 10-Apr-17 08:29:08

It depends, doesn't it. If I was the wealthier one and I'd invited them away, I'd probably stick my hand in my pocket and pay for a fair bit so that we could do the same stuff.

If I was the less wealthy one, I'd try to pay for as much as possible-so a round of drinks if wealthy sis was buying dinner out.

It all depends on the set up though, doesn't it? And the nature of the sisters. I am a generous person, and would find it difficult to be tight with money if I was either one of them.

Which are you?

YoullNeverWeeAlone Mon 10-Apr-17 08:29:40

If i was the poorer relative i wouldn't expect it.

If i was the wealthier one i would offer it.

Although if weekend is being hosted at one parties home, I'd expect them to cover the in-house costs. Outings etc I'd split BUT would check with other party they were happy with plans, not just book a restaurant and expect them to pay their share.

blueskyinmarch Mon 10-Apr-17 08:31:56

In our family we are the better off ones. There is no expectation that we pick up the bill for things. My DB and i took our DP out for lunch recently. I paid for my own meal and one of my parents meals. My DB paid for the meals for his wife and child and the other parents meals. He would never have expected me to pay more and he known to be a bit of a tightwad at times!

Vanillamanilla1 Mon 10-Apr-17 08:33:43

No I wouldn't expect them to pay for everything
Id expect them to pay for the in house costs if they invited us to their home but eating out, no , Id split the bill
Plus Id be mindful of eating out in particularly expensive restaurants if I were the wealthier one , unless I specifically made it a treat for all of us

user1471558436 Mon 10-Apr-17 08:34:00

The expectation would be that we all pay the same regardless of income. Locations would be decided with everyone's budget in mind.

However one of my sisters treated all siblings a cottage for 4 nights. 10 years ago. Unexpected and a one off.

chantico Mon 10-Apr-17 08:36:43

No. There should be no expectations, and supisters should be able to sort this out between themselves.

Well, perhaps if a little sis who was still at university was staying with big sis who was working, then perhaps big sis should pay. But once working, then both contribute, but affluent one has to realise that she cannot arrange things that are beyond other sis's ability to pay. So they go halves for dinner at the sort of restaurant that less-affluent frequents anyhow, but affluent sis gets the tab if they go (at her instigation) to somewhere other sis could rarely if ever afford.

user1471558436 Mon 10-Apr-17 08:37:09

My poorest sibling is quite a scrounger. Has dire budgeting abilities and so blows cash on stuff he can't afford. My parents constantly have to pay his share.

All my other siblings are very fare

OreosOreosOreos Mon 10-Apr-17 08:40:46

My sister earns a lot more than me - I'm a SAHM and although DH has a good salary our household income is only about half of hers (plus she's a lot older than us and at a stage of life with a lot more disposable income).

When we see her I know she likes to treat us - if she reaches for the bill I'm not going to fight her for it, but I would try to at least pay for one thing whilst she was visiting - I'd try and pay for the coffee and cake rather than the 3 course meal though!

Definitely not expected though, and there are plenty of times when we just go halves on stuff.

sobeyondthehills Mon 10-Apr-17 08:40:56

Both my sister's earn a lot more than myself (I believe) and no I wouldn't expect it.

However they are both very mindful where we might go for family get together.

Also, while I assume they earn a lot more, they might not after bills, all of us have different priorities in life. So I actually might be the one with more money at the end of the month, while they rely on credit cards. We have never gone into it

AyeAmarok Mon 10-Apr-17 08:41:47

No, not unless we were doing extravagant things that the richer sibling knew (or ought to have known) that we couldn't afford.

Typically, I'd just expect to do things that everyone could afford.

mysteryfairy Mon 10-Apr-17 08:49:09

We probably have an income around 4 times that of my sister's households but would split the billl. Her and her DH both have professional jobs so are not actually poor. I do buy bits and pieces for her DC that she wouldn't buy, but I think that's a priorities thing.

DH has a couple of siblings that are actually quite poor, both single parents. We wouldn't expect them to pay and do help them out in other ways e.g. allowance for one of their DSs at university to make sure he eats over summer.

So in short it depends on the exact circumstances.

Howlandbreathe Mon 10-Apr-17 08:51:08

I'm the wealthier one, but let's just get this in perspective my sister and her partner are not particularly poor. They are both in their late 40s, good jobs and no children and their most recent holidays have been to the Bahamas, Mexico and there is an upcoming Easter trip to lake como. She also has a fondness for champagne and owns 2 mulberry handbags - so she's not exactly on the breadline but neither are we grin

BUT I'm getting so irritated that every time they come and stay with us they never put their hands in their pockets and pay like anything ! I like to think I'm a generous person ( and dh hasn't said anything about being taken advantage of ) but I feel it's all very one sided. We don't go to their because there isn't really the room.

Most recently they stayed with us for a weekend as one of my children was in something. There were 10 of us including my mother, my friend of 40 years and one of my children's girlfriends.

We met in a restaurant as my mother was leaving directly from there. My best friend ( bless her ) paid her share but we picked up the bill for everybody else. Im not expecting a 50:50 split but a contribution would have been appreciated.

This comes after another incident where she damaged an expensive item of furniture by allowing the pet to sit on it. We are not covered by the house insurance for pet damage but she is claiming we have a dirty house and it's mice !!!!

Well why ffs do you still keep coming and enjoying our hospitality if you think we live like slatterns.

It's quite therapeutic having a rant. Thank you grin

Donthate Mon 10-Apr-17 08:52:36

Are you the richer sibling?

Howlandbreathe Mon 10-Apr-17 08:53:20

Im happy to pay for all in- house foods etc but a token bottle of wine or flowered is always appreciated

Willow2017 Mon 10-Apr-17 09:33:00

No I wouldnt expect it at all.

I would be happy to go to a reasonably nice place and expect to pay my share if it was within my means if it wasnt I would decline.

But sounds like your sister is taking the p. Next time just ask them to pay for something as they are never going to do it on their own. Its hugely bad manners to expect the host to fork out for everything when you stay with them or to go out and pay for absolutely nothing.

If they have money to burn on fancy hols and handbags then they can pay their share of a night out.

Just shame them next time. Tell them in advance we are all sharing the cost of the meal at 'restaurant' on friday. After the meal say "X & Y your share of the meal/night out is £z thanks" say it casually in front of everyone else as everyone else seems to get the idea that its normal to share costs when out with friends. If they wont then dont invite them back. You are subsidising their lifestyle, they get the holidays and other luxuries and you are paying for their social life!

I would be mortified if someone else was always paying for me. If I stayed with someone I would pay for a meal out or a takeaway and some wine/beers during the stay to say thanks for having me and I would think nothing of it.

Howlandbreathe Mon 10-Apr-17 10:27:08

WIllow that is EXACTLY what I think and how I would behave

The restaurant we went to was one my sister chose. She'd been there with us before and was totally within sensible price range say £15 per head.

Thinking about it they both had 3 courses too and multiple drinks whilst they waited for us to arrive ( they were earlier than planned ) - the rest of us had starters only


Howlandbreathe Mon 10-Apr-17 10:28:56

£15 for a main course not everything !

Honeyandfizz Mon 10-Apr-17 10:31:43

No way would I expect it. My dmil has always paid for meals out, holidays etc but in no way would I ever expect her to do it. We always offer and she always insists on paying.

BerylStreep Tue 11-Apr-17 02:00:58

Well, I think you need to start rethinking what plans you make. If booking restaurants, say in advance - 'XX place is nice - it is about £15 per head - I hope that suits everyone.' Or even better, go for somewhere with a set menu, say £18 for 2 courses so the amount is specified.

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