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When no one is interested

(8 Posts)
whyohwhydelilah Mon 20-Mar-17 12:19:16

Sorry for what I'm sure will end up being a rant like post, I am just so fed up.

6 months ago my DH was made redundant, something we have been through before, though last time we didn't have DD to worry about. Thankfully he has managed to secure another job, though the salary is less than half of his previous job we are glad he has a job and will continue looking for something else. 2 months ago I had to leave my part time job to take a full time role, we just didn't have enough money coming in due to DH being made redundant.

This has meant my DD now has to go to childcare pretty much full time, something she is struggling with, we have tears on a daily basis and 2 months in it doesn't seem to be improving, though I am ever hopeful that she will settle.

I just feel so let down by our friends and family, we are having a bit of a hard time, it is getting us both down and yet, anytime anyone asks how things are, I get as far as saying that DH is still looking for something else, before I can say anything else I am shut down with "at least he's got a job though, that's good isn't it" at which point I just say yes and change the subject. We are really struggling. I know the situation could be far worse, I know we are lucky to both be in employment but the reality is we have far less money coming in and the same outgoings. We also now have a DD who is upset on a daily basis and its just a bit sh1t for now. We are doing all we can, but it would be nice if someone was interested enough to actually listen. I just feel like no one cares.

I met up with a friend at the weekend, someone I supported through some very difficult times, I was there for her, often going round to visit and list to her umpteen times a week. While we were chatting, my DH text once or twice and I replied as he has been pretty down and was having a bad day. I wouldn't usually have my phone out when with a friend but had on this occasion, I could see her looking wondering why I was texting. I apologised saying it was DH and he's having a bit of a hard day, she responded with "oh? I didn't realise he wasn't enjoying it?" I felt like saying "you would know, if you actually took an interest!" Every time she has asked me about his job, she has given me the "oh well, at least he's got a job, it could be worse you know!" line which I seem to get from everyone. Also, it comes from people who have never been made redundant, we've been through this already, we know the reality of it and how hard it can be, we are grateful but we aren't in a great situation.

We get no support from family either who seem to roll out the same line or think that because we have jobs everything is as it was (invites to expensive hotels for family celebrations and are told we are being "ridiculous" when we say we can't afford it.. "you're both working, its a big celebration!").

Sorry, thank you for reading if you have, just getting increasingly fed up!

sonlypuppyfat Mon 20-Mar-17 12:25:41

flowers it's rotten I know, we've been like this. I remember a few years ago our boiler was broken, our car couldn't be repaired because we were skint. DH was poorly and didn't get paid if he was ill. We've 3 big kids to feed and clothe. And my brother in law kicked off because we couldn't afford to go to his daughters wedding which involved hotels etc. Things pass though and stuff does get better

QuinoaKeen Mon 20-Mar-17 12:29:04

That does sound hard. And frustrating flowers.

think you're going to have to be brutally clear and honest when people ask how you are. Really spell it out to them, otherwise they won't know and probably don't like to pry.

QuinoaKeen Mon 20-Mar-17 12:29:22

I think

Flicketyflack Mon 20-Mar-17 12:31:56

I absolutely understand what you are saying whyohwhydelia we have had a similar situation to yourself (redundancy etc) and people are not interested. I am afraid it has made me a little cynical about the world and people in particular! This includes individuals who I thought of as friends and my parents.
My only suggestion as a coping mechanism is to take care of yourself and your family, find other sources of happiness. I found exercise and the odd hour to myself has helped keep a perspective. To protect yourself when things do get better, and they will, is to be very precious with your support time when others have difficulties. This sounds very selfish but I am afraid that care and support is a two way street. Some people just take.

Things will get better in time, hand on in there!

Sunnysky2016 Mon 20-Mar-17 12:37:34

Sorry to hear you are going through such bad time. Is there a friend you could sit down and say 'actually this is our reality'? Would you be entitled to any tax credits etc? That may help even if it is only a small amount

hammyhamster72 Mon 20-Mar-17 12:54:12

OP I can so relate to what you are saying. My husband was made redundant in November and has yet to find something. I get that it could be worse and that he'll get a settlement etc etc but the feeling of uncertainty has hit us for six and is affecting us all. I'm trapped in job I loathe while we wait for his situation to settle.
The feeling of being in limbo is horrible and the effect it has on partner/families is significant. I too have heard plenty of "oh well at least you can keep the house" or "it could be worse" but it's really not what you want to hear. I am fortunate in that not all my family/friends are like this but I understand completely how you feel about the lack of support.
I really hope the new job leads to better things so that your situation improves soon.

whyohwhydelilah Mon 20-Mar-17 13:28:17

Thank you all SO much for responding, it really helps!! Especially those of you who have been through it and can get it, I have to admit, it has made me a little cynical, even when trying to explain to certain people and be totally honest it just doesn't go in/they aren't interested/they don't know how to deal with it. There is nothing anyone can do, just a bit of support and understanding would be nice.

hammyhamster72 I really hope your DH finds something soon, it is a very difficult situation and hope you can find something else too when the time comes. Being stuck in job like that is soul destroying.

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