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Hand hold please?

(36 Posts)
Cheeseandnunion Mon 20-Mar-17 11:07:43

A very close relative of DPs is in prison for possession of indecent images of children. We've had no contact with him since he pleaded guilty. The family member and a few other members of the family are very unhappy with us for cutting contact. That was all fine, their loss.

Except today I find out that they've been going round telling people that the person in prison took the fall for me and DP and that we planted the images!

I can't cope. What do I do? DP has lost his family and now this. A rumour like this could ruin our lives. I have a young child. I can't calm down.

Cheeseandnunion Mon 20-Mar-17 12:13:40

I'm embarrassed to bump but I really would like to talk to someone.

WellieWanger Mon 20-Mar-17 12:16:40

Sorry this must be absolutely awful. I have nothing constructive to offer but could you talk to them and say that you have heard the false rumours they are spreading and that they need to set the record straight before you look at reporting them for defammaion of character/slander. Or something? Hold your head up high. flowers

QuinoaKeen Mon 20-Mar-17 12:24:24

Anyone with even a quarter of a brain, would hear this and know it is nonsense, as the police would have found it out.

Sorry to hear you are going through this OP. It sounds like you are better off without all of them.

Cheeseandnunion Mon 20-Mar-17 12:30:40

I just don't know how to walk out my front door and think anyone could have been told this.

Our house was searched at the time, we voluntarily let them search. (I think he dropped our name in an interview so they wanted to rule us out)

We had all our stuff back in two days and that was that. But people did see police vans outside and I just worry they'll put two and two together and get seven.

He's such a manipulative bastard that he's kept so much of it from them. But none of them will talk to us to actually find out the whole truth of what he's done.

I thought we could just move on and it was more fool for them but now this.

QuinoaKeen Mon 20-Mar-17 12:34:41

You walk out with your head high as YOU HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG.

You actually deserve sympathy for the awful shock you have had.

Cheeseandnunion Mon 20-Mar-17 12:38:07

I've calmed down a bit now. We are going to ask for a written retraction and apology.

I work with children (career break at the moment with DS)

A rumour like this could well stop me being hired

Cheeseandnunion Mon 20-Mar-17 12:39:05

Thank you, I just needed to get it out to someone.

AnnieAnoniMouse Mon 20-Mar-17 12:42:32

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I'd speak to the police and get legal advice. I wouldn't just ignore it.

I'd tell my friends what was going on & anyone else who would stand by us.

Cheeseandnunion Mon 20-Mar-17 12:49:58

We definitely won't ignore it. It's an unforgivable accusation. I'd rather settle it with an apology and retraction letter but I'll absolutely take it to court if I need to. My biggest concern at the moment is where the lie has originated from.

DPs Godmother has told the lie to a friend of mine. But did she get it from the family member in prison or make it up herself.

PollytheDolly Mon 20-Mar-17 13:33:52

That's a disgusting thing to do. I am so sorry. I hope you get it sorted soon xx

Cheeseandnunion Mon 20-Mar-17 20:58:51

Update. There's a whole bloody group of people that believe it. We've just had a huge rant towards us and everything we've done towards the man in prison. We should've stood by him and it's all a conspiracy apparently. These people brought my DP up for goodness sake. I can't stop crying. They haven't spoken to us about this once, they're getting all their information from a convicted pedophile and taking it as fact.

WingsofNylon Mon 20-Mar-17 21:34:46

Couldn't read without posting. I'm so so sorry. Is yhere any way to distance yourself from what they are saying? To give yourselves a break from the stress? It is great that you have each other and i knowbit probably feels like a lot of people are against you but there will be lots of others who will know you and the truth.

Cheeseandnunion Mon 20-Mar-17 22:12:42

Wings I think you've hit the nail on the head. The people we care about aren't so naive as to believe the lies. They are the people we want in our lives. It wasn't easy for my DP to go NC with his father (the person in prison) but it was the right one. They all live about a half hour drive away and we never see them. Blocking them on social media and that's that.

It feels like a massive injustice that they can believe something so abhorrent about us. But it only actually matters if we care. So I refuse to. Me and my DP are going to be the best example to our son is this situation. Right now that means keeping him well away from all this and holding our heads up high.

It's been an awful two years since FIL was charged. I refuse to let them drag this out further.

AnnieAnoniMouse Tue 21-Mar-17 00:01:34


I suppose it's easier for them to believe it's anyone, even your DH, rather than their husband, Dad, Grandad...whatever. The things people will convince themselves is true when they want to, is unbelievable.

I really feel for you both, it's bad enough he was in your life (& possibly a risk to your DS, maybe your DH as a child) & all those things, without this.

I would still go to the police & a lawyer/solicitor. They can write to his lawyer/solicitor & get something more official done.

Hopefully they'll leave his cell door open, other inmates don't take too kindly to blokes inside for stuff like that.

(Yes, I know some of you will think that makes me an awful person & he just needs understanding blah blah, but I'm fine with my own opinion on rough justice thanks)

Cheeseandnunion Tue 21-Mar-17 05:37:46

I can't get back to sleep for worrying about it. I thought I could just not care what they thought but I do. I'll speak to the probation officer today. Maybe they could at least call the family and explain that it's without a shadow of a doubt not him being framed for something he didn't do.

He was sentenced for creating them but they seem to think he was only done for possession. (I.e he didn't download them himself) so think we just snuck in a put the memory stick there. But there was other stuff he wasn't convicted for. (Web searches)

I have anxiety and finally went to the doctors a few months ago. My life was completely changed by meds and now I can feel myself scared to leave the house again.

Rainbowqueeen Tue 21-Mar-17 05:48:04

Good luck with the probation officer.
Another thing you could do is speak to the court and ask for a document that lists the charges and what he was found guilty for. I don't live in uk but work in another country in the court and we have done this for someone - different circumstances but they also had a good reason for wanting formal proof.
This must be so horrible for you but I really believe that most people will know it's not true

eviethehamster Tue 21-Mar-17 05:55:18

I second the legal advice. Has anything about you been put in writing?

Cheeseandnunion Tue 21-Mar-17 05:57:06

Thank you that's a good idea. He pleaded guilty at the start of his trial so all the evidence wasn't brought up.

There is another family member with children who has gone NC and is also receiving vitriol. So we all have each other at least.

Cheeseandnunion Tue 21-Mar-17 06:00:30

Nothing in writing unfortunately. It was insinuated in a message but not clearly enough that we could do anything with it. We have about four witnesses who heard the accusation though so that's something.

I actually really think the convicted person would back peddle very quickly if he suspected a legal battle. I doubt he wants his guilt confirming for a second time.

TesticlesInTheBlender Tue 21-Mar-17 06:00:57

You absolutely need to get legal advice. Do not engage any further with them.

Cheeseandnunion Tue 21-Mar-17 06:11:50

To be completely blunt. We are on one income of £20,000 and there's no legal aid in defamation cases. I don't know if we can afford it.

Cheeseandnunion Tue 21-Mar-17 06:13:30

Testicles I like your name grin

picklemepopcorn Tue 21-Mar-17 06:21:27

What a terrible position to be in. Can you and the other family member make more public what FIL has done? I know you wouldn't have wanted to be seen to be connected to it at all, but if you are being accused then that bird has flown.

Try the parole officer, the legal letter (someone on the legal threads might help you word it?). Then let rip on social media how disgusted you are that a family member has this conviction, that you have gone NC, that they will never hear or see you and DCs again because they have not taken it seriously and you feel you can't protect your chldren from it. How devastated you are that your family has been traumatised by the rest of the stupidity of the rest of the family.

Not pretty, but as a last resort?

TesticlesInTheBlender Tue 21-Mar-17 06:26:36

Thank you!

Hopefully there will be somebody around who can advise you about the legal side. Would CAB be able to help?

Is he due for parole soon - would this kind of behaviour affect it?

The sensible thing to do is to block them all out. Social media, phones, e-mails. True friends would not believe any of this. Concentrate on what matters.

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