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Would this be fine with you or not?

(9 Posts)
ProsAndCons Tue 14-Mar-17 02:07:17

Long story short: I have had a recent MS relapse and currently have a raging sore throat at the moment (which doesn't help with the physical depletion) but my husband asked me the other day when my period is due, obviously trying to figure out when his next shag is due.

The day after he asked, I had a tiny moment of feeling I could spare some energy for a quick shag so, about an hour before bedtime, I presented myself naked as a tease. This usually sparks his interest straight away and we get down to it. His eyes widened and he grinned but this time his reaction was to send me off to bed to wait for him while he: takes his medication, feeds the cat, locks up, gets his bike out for tomorrow, and generally gets his night-time routine going. I said "sod that!" and got dressed, withdrawing the offer. I knew that if I waited in bed I'd fall asleep (I am still so desperately tired), and it seemed a bit weird to expect that of me to be honest - I'd made it clear I could only manage a quicky and this was suddenly looking like a prolonged, drawn-out effort that I couldn't deliver. Besides, I think I'd have got bored and turned off, it was a bit of an anticlimax.

He followed me to bed (I'd asked that he leaves me to go to bed alone then, thanks very much) and proceeded to keep asking for a cuddle. I asked him to respect my wish to be left alone but he rolled right over into my side of the bed. I rolled away a bit but he just rolled even further into my space and began stroking my head and then my back. After a few minutes he asked for a cuddle again. Half of me wondered if he was trying to win me over - he never offers head or back rub without it leading to sex. Yet the other half of me felt like this was yet another way he is demonstrating his complete lack of respect for my wishes (something he seems to do quite a lot) and it made me feel quite resistant.

However, here's the rub. I'm rubbish at gauging whether to feel sorry for him and welcome him with open arms, or whether he deserves to be banished to the dog shed. I so easily doubt my reality and can get bulldozed by his version of events if I'm not careful.

pincha Tue 14-Mar-17 02:20:42

Nope, not fine. You made it pretty clear more than once you had changed your mind.

I'm not sure what you were supposed to be feeling sorry for him about?

How was the situation resolved?

ProsAndCons Tue 14-Mar-17 02:28:19

I suppose sorry for him that I had made an offer then withdrawn it so 'easily'. I know it's my prerogative, but it's also my right to enter a home-buying chain and back out for no good reason, but I wouldn't want to do that either! Ok, silly example, but you get my gist.
I don't like mucking people about, I guess.

Also sorry for him that he might have been trying to make amends but was getting the cold shoulder. Give the guy a chance, sort of thing. Arrghhh... I dunno 🤷‍♀️ I just automatically assume if we disagree I'm probably wrong!

ProsAndCons Tue 14-Mar-17 02:29:12

It wasn't resolved as such, but he eventually backed off and turned his back to me then fell asleep.

RiverdaleJughead Tue 14-Mar-17 03:09:18

He could've had a quickly and then sorted his stuff out after but anticipated he'd fall asleep straight after which tbh is a bit pathetic. I hate the fact that many people often feel guilty because of sex and the feeling that they owe it or are letting the relationship down ( I feel this often) because we have different sex drives but the other half never feels guilt for not trying to get us in the mood x sorry maybe I projected a bit then

damnedgrubble Tue 14-Mar-17 03:14:22

I guess on the one hand he could have been giving you the opportunity for some physical contact without sex but on the other hand, you'd withdrawn the offer and that needs to be respected. It could be either really, without knowing your husband it's hard to say which. He needs to accept that no means no, presumably he does?

ProsAndCons Tue 14-Mar-17 06:59:47

Yeah I wondered if he anticipated wanting to sleep after, but it was an hour before his (usually very early) bedtime, so I would be surprised if that was really it. Maybe he just wasn't up for it, or maybe he'd just whacked one out earlier, anticipating 10 days of drought - who knows. I bet even he doesn't.

ProsAndCons Tue 14-Mar-17 09:55:25

We're also fine today, normal in fact. So it's not like it has carried over into a new day.

I'd still like to know if people would find it ok or not though, as a learning point.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 Tue 14-Mar-17 11:19:43

By withdrawing your offer of a quickie you made it a bit clinical - as if you were doing him a favour!!
He locked up etc to be able to devote the time necessary to make it a better event for you too!!
You effectively cut your nose off to spite your face as they say!!
He made the effort to 'woo' you and you rebuffed him. .

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