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Unsupportive trainer

(20 Posts)
CheshireCait Wed 15-Apr-15 19:03:36

I joined a gym three weeks ago, not really knowing what I wanted to do, just that I needed to lose a lot of weight.

I've come to the conclusion (with the help of a LOT of online research!) that I'm better off doing weights. One of the trainers agrees with me, gave me a programme to follow, showed me how to do everything on it and discussed nutrition. He says strength training is streets ahead of cardio for what I want to achieve.

The other trainer (who runs the gym) says he wants me to do cardio and nothing else. He says he 'doesn't want me getting distracted by this weights thing' and that I'll never lose the weight if I don't do cardio. He says that even if he does let me do weights, I'm only to use light ones (he suggested 2.5kg for a bicep curl - I can do 3x10 of them with 7.5kg!) because I'm a girl and I'll get bulky ('we don't want to get bulky, now, do we?') He said he doesn't want me to do squats (even though I've already done them with the other trainer using the bar) and has flat-out forbidden me to deadlift.

I've had the same conversation with him every evening for the last three weeks and I'm getting sick of it. Nothing I say makes any difference - he's sure that his way is the only way and clearly thinks that I'm just an idiotic know-it-all fat girl.

Do I give in and just do hours of cardio every week for the next year and lose what muscle I actually have, brazen it out and hope that he gives up (I don't think he will; he likes things to be done his way - he told DH the day we joined that it's a lovely friendly gym, and that once there was this one guy who was grumpy and only grunted when people said hello to him so he rescinded his membership!), or just ask for my money back and join another gym that's much less convenient and more expensive?

I'm feeling to positive about finally changing my body and being healthy and he's destroying my enthusiasm.

bagelfiend Wed 15-Apr-15 19:10:29

He sounds like an utter cock. Bloody good for you for feeling good about this and going for it! Do it your way and hold your head up high!

shewept Wed 15-Apr-15 19:18:17

He is a dick. Sorry to be blunt. Cardio is important but only to a point. I have lost 9 stoneish (hard to say exactly as I have added muscle and ditched the scales) with weights and cardio.

If you want fat loss cardio will help, but its not the be all and end all. Having a shit trainer is awful. My pt (although I think of him more as a coach as he is more than a PT for me, very supportive) is amazing. I have had pts before and just thought it was tough if I didn't like them. Now I wouldn't train with anyone else.

The 'girls shouldn't do heavy weights' is a very old school train of thought, he needs to update his knowledge. Girls do not get bulky from lifting weights. The female body builders in the heavy categories need alot of 'help' to get that big. And honestly it pisses me off when people say it, especially trainers.

Definitely do not cave to his demands and don't let him effect you. Have you paid for sessions with him upfront? If so ask him for the money back as you aren't happy and go elsewhere. You may get back the money for unused sessions, maybe it all if he is reasonable (but I don't think he is).

No point staying there as you will end up just not going. No one wants to be somewhere they are made to feel crap.

I would join another gym asap, before he kills your confidence.

suzannecanthecan Wed 15-Apr-15 19:19:12

If it was me I'd not use a gym where the staff spouted such utter drivel, seriously did you travel back in time to some place from 1890

how can they run a business like thatconfused

shewept Wed 15-Apr-15 19:19:32

Can you not switch to the more supportive trainer who gave you the original plan?

CheshireCait Wed 15-Apr-15 19:35:40

It's a tiny gym so there's only ever one trainer there at a time, so three nights a week it's this guy.

I've only paid for gym membership, I didn't go for the personal trainer option at all, so really he should be butting out and leaving me to it. Instead he's killing my buzz and making parts of the gym off limits!

Vivacia Wed 15-Apr-15 19:37:39

Why are they all having such a say in your training? confused Stick with the trainer who is actually listening to you.

suzannecanthecan Wed 15-Apr-15 19:46:20

it all sounds highly irregular hmm

CheshireCait Wed 15-Apr-15 19:50:00

I can't stick with the trainer who listens, he's only there wednesday, thursday and friday. The other guy is there the rest of the time.

suzannecanthecan Wed 15-Apr-15 19:53:29

are you sure you're not training in some blokes garage? grin

CheshireCait Wed 15-Apr-15 19:56:00


It's a bit like that. It's one room in a football clubhouse. There are two treadmills, two bikes, a cross trainer and a rowing machine; 4 weight machines (I don't know the names - two army ones and two leggy ones!) and a load of free weights, plus the big thing you drag.

It's cheap though, and 8 minutes' walk away.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 15-Apr-15 19:57:51

Ignore him. He's a twat.

shewept Wed 15-Apr-15 19:59:44

Tbf it sounds a bit like mine. Minimal cardio, lots of weights. But we have the functional fitness stuff too. people expect it to be a 'mans' gym. But its not. So you don't pay this guy, he just hangs around and tells you you are doing it wrong. Either tell him to piss off, or leave.

I couldn't be doing with this shit. He has no idea what he is talking about.

shewept Wed 15-Apr-15 20:02:54

Tbf it sounds a bit like mine. Minimal cardio, lots of weights. But we have the functional fitness stuff too. people expect it to be a 'mans' gym. But its not. So you don't pay this guy, he just hangs around and tells you you are doing it wrong. Either tell him to piss off, or leave.

I couldn't be doing with this shit. He has no idea what he is talking about.

shewept Wed 15-Apr-15 20:04:09

How cheap? They should be paying you to put up with this shit grin

CheshireCait Wed 15-Apr-15 20:24:41

€230 for a year.

I can't completely ignore him, he runs the place. So if he tells me not to do something and I do it, by the sound of it he'll chuck me out.

Vivacia Wed 15-Apr-15 20:43:06

Doing a "wrong" routine is not the same as doing a move wrong/dangerously.

I'd ask the other trainer for advice.

shewept Thu 16-Apr-15 06:18:05

To be honest. If I felt like that, I wouldn't go. I would tell him why and ask for my money back. The other trainers are probably aware of his attitude and won't be surprised. I can't imagine my gym owner cancelling anyone's membership because they didn't do what he said. If you were putting yourself or others in danger, or damaging equipment and he cancelled it, fair enough. But that's not the case, he is wrong and his knowledge is from the stone age. Its so out dated I would want to know what qualifications he had and because I suspect its either very old or he has none at all.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Thu 16-Apr-15 07:08:10

Have you tried the broken record approach? Just repeat the same answer to each question or comment "X [the other trainer] gave me a program to follow that I'm really happy with."

Or turn up with noise cancelling headphones plugged into something really loud.

Or tell him you're training to enter a Strongwoman competition.

He sounds utterly insufferable.and unfortunately if he owns the place he's not going to go away.

EarSlaps Thu 16-Apr-15 09:53:56

Have you spoken to any other women at the gym? I'm wondering if he has that attitude towards all women weight training or just larger ones?

Unfortunately a lot of people do still seem to think you should get 'skinny' at the gym with lots of cardio before you attempt anything else, which is probably why so many people end up quitting gyms in despair as it doesn't work for lots of people. However, a bloody trainer should know better and his attitude absolutely stinks. Very few women will get 'bulky' from weights as we just don't have the testosterone needed to build lots of muscle.

Cardio is great as an addition to weights (especially HIIT, which has shown in some studies to burn more fat than steady state), especially as you need to rest your muscles between weights sessions. But weight training will really help change your body shape for the better.

Only you know if you are happy to ignore his drivel or if you can put up with it. But if he starts to put you off going to the gym then please quit straight away and get to a decent gym with decent trainers- make sure you also write to the owners if you do that explaining why you quit grin.

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