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All too much?

(6 Posts)
3kidslou Tue 13-Nov-12 13:11:28

I have 3 children 3, 6 and 9, 2 horses and 2 dogs (yes mental!), my dh works away during the week so its just me.
Me and my friend share a yard with 4 horses she works 8-2 4 days a week so i have her daughter for half an hr in the morning then take her school and then go to the yard and do the horses. Horses arnt in yet as were having new stables built but the field awfull so were having to give them hay and feed twice a day.
Yesterday it was pouring down, id had 4 children arguing all morning and then had to do all the horses with my poor three yr old striping off in the rain and screaming at me whilst im trying to lug 3 barrows of water to the field, when my friend got to the yard later all she had to do was pop a feed in the field and she was like "oh cheer up, whats up with u", i out of the blue snapped at her telling her i didnt want to do her horses on the two days hollies not at nursery. she was completely shocked and then said that she will go somewhere else where they do morning turnout leaving me on my own. I also told her it would be best if her daughter goes to morning club, and il take her just one day, as its hard enough just getting my three out.
The question is, am i being totally unreasonable?, i feel terrible now but i dont want to be spending hrs at the yard in the winter with my 3yr old in tow, i just want to do mine and go but i feel like because i dont work and she does that i should just do it? Am i being selfish? xx thanku.

mrslaughan Tue 13-Nov-12 14:24:31

No - I don't think you are being unreasonable, but maybe your delivery could have been better..? We have all been there, maybe meet your friend for coffee and explain the situation? That you thought your were super women, but turns out that's not a job you want?

Callisto Tue 13-Nov-12 14:26:07

Well I can totally see why you snapped, this weather is vile, the mud is vile, slogging water through mud and shite is vile, and having a screaming toddler on top of all that is vile also. So I would probably have done the same if someone fresh from a warm, dry and mud-free office had swanned up and told me to cheer up.

Practically, how will it work with just you at the yard, both financially and when you simply can't do the horses? If you can manage (perhaps get a sharer) then it may be time to go your separate ways.

Otherwise, talk it through and see if you can come up with a better arrangement all round. I can see why you're feeling put upon if you do the horses 4 days plus provide childcare. Oh, and just because you don't work doesn't mean that you should contribute more to this arrangement.

I would also see if you can invest in a trough or move the horses closer if possible so that you don't have to do so much of a slog.

Floralnomad Tue 13-Nov-12 15:49:10

What does your friend contribute to this arrangement? Does she pay more , do all the poo picking , do your horses on the days she doesn't work ? If she does nothing for you then you are being completely reasonable and it probably is time to move on.

horseylady Tue 13-Nov-12 18:49:01

Could your friend do the evenings? So you only do the mornings? Or could she do the weekends so you get some time off?

Id have snapped but i do think it's worth calmly talking it over with her. See if you can come to an arrangement.

PoshPenny Tue 13-Nov-12 22:38:55

Noo you're not being unreasonable. I would agree with everything Calisto wrote above. I always think carting water is the worst job of all, (always puts me in a foul mood when I have to do it) and my kids are 17 and 18 so nowhere near as hard work as your little ones.

Does she pull her weight on the 3 days she isn't working, or is it a very uneven "share" in all ways?

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