Ending a loan agreement

[horseylady]

Am I the only one who feels utterly shit at the impending conversation I've got to have :(

It's justified, they keep threatening to give the pony back as her behaviour is not improving, I'm 23 weeks pregnant so need a new home in place but I feel so guilty.

I know how horrid it is. I remember having ponies go back when I was younger :( but I just can't live in limbo. I keep hoping the parents will finish it but no such luck :(

I don't even know what to properly say I'll probably just cry :(

[Mirage]

I know how you feel.We had newboy on the understanding that the minute we found a more suitable pony,his owner would have him back,and we have emailed back and forth about which ponies we'd seen,asked her opinion and so on.But I still felt bad when I had to email her and say we'd found a replacement,despite her being pleased for us and looking forward to having her 'baby' back.

If it is down to you to end it and the pony really is being naughty,can you say something like 'It isn't fair on you to have to put up with her behaviour and I think it is best if I have her back to try and get to the bottom of it?'

Has she been with them long? What is the age/experience of the rider?

[horseylady]

The ponies fine it's the daughter who's misbehaving :( that's what makes it so hard :( they've had her a year, she's with me but her parents have no interest and I'm left sorting everything else. Just really hard to tell them as the kid loves the pony but I think is losing interest and is just horrid at times!

[horseylady]

To add they have no experience, I take her to shows etc I just want to look after my horses and not have to look after humans either! ESP not with a new baby. They'll call and just expect me to drop things to help them! It's an workable situation I just feel horrid :(

[Mirage]

Blimey! They have got it easy haven't they?.Have they signed a contract,and if so what is the notice period?

You could try saying that the pregnancy is making you feel so rotten/tired/stressed that you can't cope with any other stuff.ie shows,running around for them,and it isn';t going to get easier once the baby has arrived,so it is best to end the loan now?

I think they are taking advantage of you big time,and you shouldn't feel guilty.Your responsibility is your pony and your family,not their/their daughter's feelings.Can you email them,then it is in writing and can't be twisted or misunderstood and there is no option for tears.At the end of the day a loan is just that-a loan,not a permanant arrangement unless both parties agree to it.Thinking about it,they could decide that they don't want the pony any more at any time in future and the closer it is to you having the baby,the more upheaval it will cause you.Do it now,it won't be as bad as you think and you won't have the worry / stress any longer.

Keep us posted.

[horseylady]

Yes their notice is 3 months I don't have to give notice. I can end it today, which I'll not do I'll ask how how long they want (within reason), and start looking for someone else.

I just feel awful. I remember how heartbreaking it was as a kid (and is now!!) but it needs sorting. Will put in writing anyway just need to call them and agree some dates etc.

[Alameda]

good luck, hope the anticipation is worse than the actual deed - these things have a way of seeming terrifying but are somehow not that bad once you've said what has to be said

if they keep threatening to return the pony anyway you are doing them a favour by making the decision for them

let us know how it goes

[Treblesallround]

I had to have the difficult discussion on Sunday with our utterly fabulous part loaners, as we just couldn't run to the other half of pony's costs, or manage to put in the time once winter comes, and we'd had a serious enquiry from a really suitable family for full loan.

I made lovely people cry, and felt utterly awful about it. However, we gave them first refusal, and they've decided to have him full time. We are delighted with the outcome (although I still feel guilty)

[Callisto]

Awful isn't it? But equally your pony needs decent and committed people, and tbh if the daughter is a nightmare, the parents need to follow through with the threats. Could you perhaps speak to the daughter direct, something along the lines of 'Your behaviour etc is making me too stressed out, if you don't sort yourself out in a month I will be taking the pony back and finding someone else to loan him'. Might be the kick up the butt she needs (and which the parents clearly arn't capable of administering). Alternatively, grit your teeth and just say straight 'it isn't working, loan agreement terminated'. You really don't need this stress while you're pregnant.

[horseylady]

Conversation had, all ok and understanding agreed on it not happening for a month but that people can come and view. They will continue to loan if no one has come along by that point but understand it will end.

Feel better now thanks everyone for your help!

[Mirage]

Well Done! I bet you feel better now.

[horseylady]

Loads!! Horrid how things hang over you and that the things you think will be awful go ok and vice versa lol

[Alameda]

great! So it wasn't too bad?

best of luck finding new people