Pony ad phrases.....

[Saggyoldclothcatpuss]

I was browsing the yellow ads paper with my friend today, and we were laughing at the descriptions. My favourite is "has seen coloured poles" or "has seen hounds", Friend reckons this actually means "has seen coloured poles/hounds, didnt like them, ran away"!
Feel free to add your own examples for entertainment purposes.......

[frostyfingers]

Manners to burn......... I know what they mean, but where does that come from?

[Mirage]

Ohh,I'm sure I can think of a few,learning to decode ads has been an interesting experience.
'forward going'-yes,into the next county if it sees something which it doesn't like.
'Always in the rosettes',if it was only one in the class.
'lives in or out',stands by the gate looking miserable,then kicks the stable to pieces once in.

off to work now,will think of some more.

[dappleton]

I think the following ones are pretty special -
"10yr old brood mare would make nice childs pony once backed" (code for nobodies been able to break it for 10yrs so we put it in foal)
or along similar lines...
"3yr old childs pony, school master, done pc/hunting/sj etc..." (code for pony has just been backed and done one little show but we have to justify the price somehow)
or even....
"18yr old gelding done a bit of everything ready to excel with the right rider" (code for if you're really bloody determined you might get it over a jump but we didn't want to risk our necks)!

[frostyfingers]

"Not novice ride" is a great get out phrase - obviously it's an impossible ride, but it will always be your fault because you're incapable.

[AlpinePony]

How do you phrase 'not novice ride' then? My mare will dawdle like a donkey with my boyfriend/dad, make me work until I'm puce and put the over-condident, under-skilled on the floor. So in a way she is a novice ride, but she'll put a twat in their place. ;)

[Loshad]

my fave is "ridden by a teenager" - as if meant to suggest suitably sensible in a larger horse, all the teenagers i know are madder and more up for a wild ride than the adults

[Pixel]

'Placed every time out'. It's only been to one show and managed to get a sixth rosette in the fancy dress.

[Mayandbump23]

My friend went to view a 'happy hacker' that had never hacked out...

[brighthair]

Ready to bring on - we tried and gave up
Suitable for confident jockey - more like insane jockey
Safe - blind
Safe as houses - blind and deaf
Good hunter - can't stop it
Nice paces - couldn't think of anything else nice about it
Pretty/stunning - see above
Will go far - without rider usually
Bombproof - blind, deaf and lame in all 4 legs
Likes children - for breakfast
Must see - so you can gasp in horror afterwards
First to see will buy - or run away screaming

[Saggyoldclothcatpuss]

@ Brighthair

[brighthair]

I have more


SURVIVAL GUIDE TO THE CLASSIFIEDS HORSE ADVERTS

TRUE ALLROUNDER....no girth will fit him

LOADS OF PERSONALITY....decks everyone

ALREADY BROKEN....3 fence posts, 1 gate and 5 buckets

IDEAL STUD PROSPECT....he thinks so

TAKE NEW OWNER TO THE TOP...previous owner didn't get there

CAN DO IT ALL....bite, kick, buck and rear

NOT FOR BEGINNERS....or anyone else for that matter

GENUINE REASON FOR SALE....owner in traction

3 EXCEPTIONAL PACES....walk, halt and park

EASY TO CLIP....when hobbled and sedated

FORWARD GOING....a tale of WWWhhhhoooooaaaaa!

LOADS WELL....after an endurance ride

ELEVATED PACES....ex rodeo

BOMBPROOF....if you don't light the fuse

CAREFUL JUMPER....over paddock fences

SCHOOLMASTER....he's in charge

EASY TO CATCH....if you've got all day

PROFESSIONALLY STARTED....on the race track

EXPERIENCED RIDER ONLY....stunt rider preferred


SNAFFLE MOUTHED.......... Will not go faster than a walk

HOME MORE IMPORTANT THAN PRICE.......I'll give you the darn thing, just take it!

HOME PRODUCED'....No professional will touch it

BIG TROT Can't canter within a 2 mile stretch

NICELY STARTED Lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet

TOP SHOW HORSE Won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to a hurricane

HOME BRED Knows nothing despite being home-grown

BOLD Runaway

GOOD MOVER Runaway

ATHLETIC Runaway

NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER Runaway

NEEDS EXPERIENCED RIDER Runaway

DEAD QUIET Just dead

SPIRITED Psychotic

RECENTLY VETTED Someone else found something badly wrong with this horse

ANY VET CHECK WELCOME Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!

BIG BONED Good this has mane and tail or would be mistaken for cow

DOING COURSES When tranquilised to the eyeballs and lunged six hours straight before
WELL MANNERED Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week

PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week

TO GOOD HOME ONLY Not really for sale unless you can Pay twice what he is worth Allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night, and Are willing to sign a 10 page legal document

NO VICES Especially when he wears his muzzle

LIGHT CRIBBER We can't afford to build any more stable and fences for this chainsaw NO TIME FOR HIM He's lucky to be fed
EXCELLENT DISPOSITION Never been out of his stable

GOOD TO CLIP, SHOE, BOX Clippety clippety is the sound his hooves make when he drags you across the yard as you try to box him

FOR SALE DUE TO LACK OF TIME Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in hospital

WELL BRED Mother and father are also brother and sister
BLACK Brown and/or dirty

SUIT EVENTING No brakes

SUIT DRESSAGE No accelerator

SUIT ANYONE Except us, we hate him

ALWAYS IN RIBBONS The shows we went to gave complementary rossettes for all who entered

ALWAYS PLACED The shows we went to were so small that there were no more than 3 in each class

GOOD ATSJ All the classes we entered were minimus (jumps under 1 foot)

[galonthefarm]

love it brighthair - you've brightened up my day! now giggling to myself at work and remembering all the H&H adverts have looked at in my time! haven't bought anything from H&H mind you but hey you always have to have a look -..