Pony ad phrases.....(13 Posts)
I was browsing the yellow ads paper with my friend today, and we were laughing at the descriptions. My favourite is "has seen coloured poles" or "has seen hounds", Friend reckons this actually means "has seen coloured poles/hounds, didnt like them, ran away"!
Feel free to add your own examples for entertainment purposes.......
Manners to burn......... I know what they mean, but where does that come from?
Ohh,I'm sure I can think of a few,learning to decode ads has been an interesting experience.
'forward going'-yes,into the next county if it sees something which it doesn't like.
'Always in the rosettes',if it was only one in the class.
'lives in or out',stands by the gate looking miserable,then kicks the stable to pieces once in.
off to work now,will think of some more.
I think the following ones are pretty special -
"10yr old brood mare would make nice childs pony once backed" (code for nobodies been able to break it for 10yrs so we put it in foal)
or along similar lines...
"3yr old childs pony, school master, done pc/hunting/sj etc..." (code for pony has just been backed and done one little show but we have to justify the price somehow)
"18yr old gelding done a bit of everything ready to excel with the right rider" (code for if you're really bloody determined you might get it over a jump but we didn't want to risk our necks)!
"Not novice ride" is a great get out phrase - obviously it's an impossible ride, but it will always be your fault because you're incapable.
How do you phrase 'not novice ride' then? My mare will dawdle like a donkey with my boyfriend/dad, make me work until I'm puce and put the over-condident, under-skilled on the floor. So in a way she is a novice ride, but she'll put a twat in their place. ;)
my fave is "ridden by a teenager" - as if meant to suggest suitably sensible in a larger horse, all the teenagers i know are madder and more up for a wild ride than the adults
'Placed every time out'. It's only been to one show and managed to get a sixth rosette in the fancy dress.
My friend went to view a 'happy hacker' that had never hacked out...
Ready to bring on - we tried and gave up
Suitable for confident jockey - more like insane jockey
Safe - blind
Safe as houses - blind and deaf
Good hunter - can't stop it
Nice paces - couldn't think of anything else nice about it
Pretty/stunning - see above
Will go far - without rider usually
Bombproof - blind, deaf and lame in all 4 legs
Likes children - for breakfast
Must see - so you can gasp in horror afterwards
First to see will buy - or run away screaming
I have more
SURVIVAL GUIDE TO THE CLASSIFIEDS HORSE ADVERTS
TRUE ALLROUNDER....no girth will fit him
LOADS OF PERSONALITY....decks everyone
ALREADY BROKEN....3 fence posts, 1 gate and 5 buckets
IDEAL STUD PROSPECT....he thinks so
TAKE NEW OWNER TO THE TOP...previous owner didn't get there
CAN DO IT ALL....bite, kick, buck and rear
NOT FOR BEGINNERS....or anyone else for that matter
GENUINE REASON FOR SALE....owner in traction
3 EXCEPTIONAL PACES....walk, halt and park
EASY TO CLIP....when hobbled and sedated
FORWARD GOING....a tale of WWWhhhhoooooaaaaa!
LOADS WELL....after an endurance ride
ELEVATED PACES....ex rodeo
BOMBPROOF....if you don't light the fuse
CAREFUL JUMPER....over paddock fences
SCHOOLMASTER....he's in charge
EASY TO CATCH....if you've got all day
PROFESSIONALLY STARTED....on the race track
EXPERIENCED RIDER ONLY....stunt rider preferred
SNAFFLE MOUTHED.......... Will not go faster than a walk
HOME MORE IMPORTANT THAN PRICE.......I'll give you the darn thing, just take it!
HOME PRODUCED'....No professional will touch it
BIG TROT Can't canter within a 2 mile stretch
NICELY STARTED Lunges, but we don't have enough insurance to ride him yet
TOP SHOW HORSE Won a reserve championship 5 years ago at a show with unusually low entries due to a hurricane
HOME BRED Knows nothing despite being home-grown
GOOD MOVER Runaway
NEEDS INTERMEDIATE RIDER Runaway
NEEDS EXPERIENCED RIDER Runaway
DEAD QUIET Just dead
RECENTLY VETTED Someone else found something badly wrong with this horse
ANY VET CHECK WELCOME Please pay for us to find out what the !@#$ is wrong with him!
BIG BONED Good this has mane and tail or would be mistaken for cow
DOING COURSES When tranquilised to the eyeballs and lunged six hours straight before
WELL MANNERED Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week
PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED Hasn't stepped on, bitten or kicked anyone for a week
TO GOOD HOME ONLY Not really for sale unless you can Pay twice what he is worth Allow current owner to tuck in beddy-bye every night, and Are willing to sign a 10 page legal document
NO VICES Especially when he wears his muzzle
LIGHT CRIBBER We can't afford to build any more stable and fences for this chainsaw NO TIME FOR HIM He's lucky to be fed
EXCELLENT DISPOSITION Never been out of his stable
GOOD TO CLIP, SHOE, BOX Clippety clippety is the sound his hooves make when he drags you across the yard as you try to box him
FOR SALE DUE TO LACK OF TIME Rider cannot afford to spend any more time in hospital
WELL BRED Mother and father are also brother and sister
BLACK Brown and/or dirty
SUIT EVENTING No brakes
SUIT DRESSAGE No accelerator
SUIT ANYONE Except us, we hate him
ALWAYS IN RIBBONS The shows we went to gave complementary rossettes for all who entered
ALWAYS PLACED The shows we went to were so small that there were no more than 3 in each class
GOOD ATSJ All the classes we entered were minimus (jumps under 1 foot)
love it brighthair - you've brightened up my day! now giggling to myself at work and remembering all the H&H adverts have looked at in my time! haven't bought anything from H&H mind you but hey you always have to have a look -..
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