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How to terminate share agreement?

(11 Posts)
MitchiestInge Mon 11-Jul-11 13:04:49

Spinelessnosity blush

There is nothing wrong with sharer B, she's a lovely rider, but I'm not happy and I don't need her financial contribution as desperately as before we moved. Just haven't clicked with her. They are really really minor things. Anyway, how can I do it without hurting her feelings? I didn't think she would like the new place but it has worked its magic on her and she was saying how much she loves it, argh.

I'm on brink of letting sharer A have pony on full loan, don't need help with the horse and he's costing nothing to keep. For some irrational reason am terrified of having the conversation with her, am I being ridiculous? Might she feel rejected?

seeker Mon 11-Jul-11 13:10:47

I think you need to be prepared for her to want to know why - so you either have to come up with a few reasons, or just tough it out.

The owner of the pony my dd was sharing when she was 12 texted her while she was Christmas shopping one Thursday telling her the pony was leaving the yard on the next day so if she wanted to say goodbye she would have to go up to the yard straight away sad. Anything you do will be better than that!!

olderyetwider Mon 11-Jul-11 13:17:48

Why not just say that you'd like your horse to yourself now? Make it a decision you've made for positive reasons, rather than telling her the things that don't work for you. I'd give her some notice, and thank her for all the positive things (be specific) she's brought to the share. Hopefully then you can part company on good terms. Just don't change your mind and get another sharer in the near future if she's likely to find out!

olderyetwider Mon 11-Jul-11 13:48:48

Meant to say, I'm in a similar position; when I bought my mare early this year her then owner hadn't got much time so had a nice woman who we both know ride her once a week. She asked me if she could carry on, and I said yes, as it took me a while to find my confidence. So she still rides her every Tuesday evening. There's no financial contribution (she didn't offer, I didn't ask).

I was glad of her riding when I couldn't for a couple of weeks, and in the early days. I know it sounds mean, it is only once a week but I am starting to want my pony to myself now. I don't know whether I've got the spine to end the arrangement though. Do you think I'm being mean?

Sorry for the hijack Mitchie!

MitchiestInge Mon 11-Jul-11 14:03:18

Oh it's very very similar, so am glad you added that. Except I might want antihero sharer, later, but not someone who still rides at our old yard and drip feeds information about me to them - I can't prove this, and am probably being irrational but I did move to get away from the gossipy stuff.

Seeker that's awful, I couldn't do that. I was thinking of a month's notice or something, time for her to look for another share.

LisaD1 Mon 11-Jul-11 14:20:53

Hi Mitchie,

If you think you will want another sharer at a later date and this girl i good aside from the gossip, can you not just deal with that issue?

I had a sharer that used to do the same and I went nuts, I am very clear that my business is just that and my life is not their gossip fodder!, Girl I am referring too ignored my warning and was told to go the next time it happened.

Decent sharers are hard to find (speaks the weary voice of experience) so for me if this was the only issue I would attempt to resolve it. If you just don't want a sharer for now then tell her you want your horse to yourself, give her notice and wish her luck.

MitchiestInge Mon 11-Jul-11 15:15:22

Why has my iPad started replacing another with antihero? Argh, twice today.

Anyway, yes maybe that is a good point. She hasn't quite grasped how cheap the new livery is so is covering all of it at the moment, even though I told her hundreds of times that it is actually just £50 a month plus shoes, plus feed when that becomes necessary again. So just in that sense she is valuable. My horse likes her, and it is no fun doing it all on your own in the winter. I'm just not spineful enough to say 'please stop discussing me/the horses with people at old yard' because, I don't know. She's not being spiteful and doesn't realise how upsetting it is because why should it be?

Hate realizing how irrational I am abbot some things. sad

MitchiestInge Mon 11-Jul-11 15:15:46

about about about

arrgh

LisaD1 Mon 11-Jul-11 15:26:39

Mitchie, find your spine, winter is coming and is long/cold/expensive wink

Have a wine and then a chat with her.

Good luck, you can do it!

MitchiestInge Mon 11-Jul-11 16:53:49

Will have that drink, very good idea!

I think I shouldn't care whether a change of bit is discussed at length or not, or any of my decisions about feeding, the condition and behaviour of my horses, the amount and type of work they do. I think sharer B has a tendency to think there are right and wrong ways of doing things, that there is an ultimate authority to turn to when of course no consensus exists for about 99% of possible situations. I don't like feeling the influence of my old yard owner creeping into my day to day life, I suppose I can choose to ignore that or challenge it more creatively without losing someone who is otherwise quite an asset.

HerMajestysSecretCervix Wed 13-Jul-11 07:30:08

I find the expression, "there are many roads to Rome," incredibly useful in the situation you describe.

A good sharer that pays and is good with your horse is invaluable. Try to ignore the gossip and repeat the above phrase as many times as necessary. It worked for me when I moved away from under the thumb of a domineering riding instructor who would do long distance critiques of everything I did. It used to really piss me off until I perfected the tinkly laugh and, "Oh, there are many roads to Rome you know. Suchandauch is very set on her way isn't she?"

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