hate being at home but really scared of going back to teaching

[Suzie567]

I’m really going crazy being at home with my kids but at same time I’m really nervous even thinking about starting supply teaching and leaving my baby. I feel no one including my husband understands my turmoil.

I joined up agencies today and I’ve got a horrible feeling in my stomach as I’m going to miss my baby, but same time I’m fed up with day to day of running to school drop offs then dealing with screaming baby, feeding him, having literally 30 mins to myself a day which I use to quickly clean. Even going toilet I have to carry him with me as he screams for me. I’m really stressed and overwhelmed all the time, I really thought leaving my previous job would be good but why am I still so unhappy. Maybe it wasn’t teaching making me unhappy maybe it’s just me. I don’t know if supply will be any better but I was close to a nervous breakdown in my previous job that’s why I didn’t return

[astuz]

Would it be possible to start small, so eg. tell the agency you will only work one day a week, pick a day that suits you best and only do work if it comes up on that day - don't know how awkward it would be to get childcare in this situation.

I was a nervous wreck when I went back after a career break. My children were older though (youngest in Y1), but when I first signed up to some agencies, I must have turned down the first 5 offers of work, purely due to nerves. I was then offered 2 days a week in a school for a term, which worked really well for me. Staff were lovely fortunately, but behaviour at the school was shocking, so I politely turned down working there any longer than the one term. It got my confidence back though.

The reason I left for a career break was also, like you, due to almost having a nervous breakdown from the stress and in hindsight I think I was suffering from PTSD for a good couple of years afterwards. It was only counselling that got me past it.

You sound very stressed - have you thought about seeing your GP?

[Suzie567]

@astuz
I did say to agency people I want to work 3 days but they made it sound like they can’t find anything part time and all role full time. Childcare will be okay as my eldest will go after school and breakfast club and baby will be with my mum-in-law so I’m lucky in terms of childcare but I don’t wan’t to leave baby with her 5 days as it won’t be fair on her.

[Piixxiiee]

Oh I completely understand. I've been at home with my kids and now about to go back to teaching- terrified and overwhelmed. Youngest is nursery age and we've had to get a childminder to drop off pick up..... oh the guilt! But I need to work for sanity, but definitely lacking confidence in classroom and about the logistic of childcare!!

I would definitely start small. I'd say you're available 2 days a week and see what comes your way. How old is your baby? Are you primary or secondary? I did supply for a while- obviously theres ups and downs but it's how I got my last job. Also less bureaucracy and paperwork. Just make sure you have enough to keep the class busy as often work isn't left even when its stated it is. Have a good online resource for games etc. And a bag full of resources. Sorry if I'm telling you things you know. But I do understand your turmoil. I'm living it.

[Piixxiiee]

Sorry crossed posts. Agencies always push for 5 days. I would stick to 3. Great that you have mil and childcare sorted.

[Suzie567]

@ Piixxiiee thanks for the tips great ideas. I feel like I’ve lost my confidence and only been one year, so well done you! Goodluck and hope it goes really well for you x

I’m also feeling that agencies will pay me less as they can hear my anxiety level and know I’m stressed. If u don’t mind me asking what roughly should a London teacher doing supply be earning? I was on UPS2 when I left last job

[Piixxiiee]

Sorry not sure about pay, I'm doing a maternity leave and going back at same level as I left. Has the agency not indicted a level yet? I'd push them up on whatever they start on especially as it's only been 1 year and you were at a good level. Good luck! Xx

[astuz]

I was on about £140 a day, but that was 4 years ago and not in London, so it should be a fair bit more than that. They will try to push the pay down, but you need to stand your ground.

They did the same with me on the number of days - insisted they only had full-time, long term posts. Just ignore them and stick to your guns. Lots of part-timers also go off sick long term, so part-time does come up. Also, go to more than one agency. I signed up to 3 in the end.

The 2 day a week contract that I got was supposed to be full-time, but they couldn't get anyone to do it, so I did it as a job share with another supply teacher who wanted 3 days a week. Just stick to what you want and wait it out.

The agency people are sales people and are very manipulative. Just be very clear in your mind about what you want. I refused to do any more than 2 days per week when I started and work appeared eventually. I knew I would have had a breakdown if I'd gone straight in on full-time, so it wouldn't have been in the agencies' or the schools' interests for me to do that, and I told them as much.