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Is this to be expected or safeguarding gone over the top?

(18 Posts)
gognok Tue 03-Dec-19 19:45:00

I have one of several daughter's in the same school I teach in. It's her birthday soon and she wants some friends over for a sleepover and then some of them to stay over. In this uber safeguarding world we live in (which I am not mocking) I ran this past one of our safeguarding leads. The response being yes go ahead but no photos must be taken, no phones used and no social media! My dd will be 14 - she burst into tears when I told her. What would you do?

OP’s posts: |
Whynotnowbaby Tue 03-Dec-19 19:50:24

I think things involving your dd’s private life have no part of your job and you should feel no more obliged to run it past the safeguarding less than the next parent. Unfortunately, now you have done you are in a difficult situation as she has answered you and to do something other than she has advised could get you into trouble (although I still think you could probably argue that you were just letting her know rather than asking for advice and how you parent is up to you). Perhaps let the other parents know the advice you have been given and ask them if they are happy for photos to be taken and posted. If you do this by email you will then have evidence of what they said in unlikely event this comes back to haunt you.

gognok Tue 03-Dec-19 20:14:29

Thank you Whynotnowbaby that is good advice.

OP’s posts: |
bowchicawowwow Tue 03-Dec-19 20:43:37

You are in a tricky situation as these are pupils of the school where you work but also friends of your daughter. It kind of crosses a boundary. I think our DSL would advise against a sleepover at a teachers house sadly. I can understand your daughters upset though.

LazyFace Tue 03-Dec-19 20:51:59

I think the ' is not needed.

(Runs away...)

Aragog Tue 03-Dec-19 20:58:52

Surely it is only YOU, not your DD, who can't take photographs and show these children on your SM. What your DD and her friends choose to do regarding photographs and SM whilst together is surely up to them? How would you even know for sure they hadn't done so?

I work in a school and we have/had staff who are parents. They have still had friends round for their children, had parties with them there at their own homes, gone on day trips with them, etc.

Don't think any of them ever even considered asking if they were okay to do so. They dealt with the parents not via school, and as their children got older the children dealt with it themselves instead.

raspberrymolakoff Tue 03-Dec-19 21:03:23

I agree with the last poster, surely what your 14 year old and her friends do together in terms of social media and photographs is not something you can police outside school as long as they don't break the law. It seems unfair that you should have to have higher standards than most parents.

I think asking them all to try to get some sleep and asking them to leave phones downstairs might be sensible for all sleepovers but good luck with enforcing it!

Wellmet Tue 03-Dec-19 21:03:35

I think their parents have the final say on whether they're allowed to use social media etc.
I wouldn't worry about it.

Comefromaway Thu 05-Dec-19 09:28:08

Dh was wary of this as he teaches in the same school as dd.

Our solution was for me to make all the arrangements etc when she had someone round. He didn't have any parents of dd's friends on social media etc (though he relaxed this rule once they went into Year 12.

1066vegan Fri 06-Dec-19 23:15:06

When my dd was at primary school, she went to the school where I teach. She regularly had friends from school coming round to the house and also hosted sleepovers.

It wouldn't have crossed my mind to check if it was ok with my DSL or anyone else from school management. I don't think it's any of their business.

SaintEyning Fri 06-Dec-19 23:27:33

My exP is a teacher and his DD only had sleepovers (attended the school & sixth form college he taught at) if I was present. I don’t think we bothered about removing phones/banning photos etc but he was genuinely worried about having kids he may have taught / had contact with in school at his house overnight without an independent adult present before we moved in together. No issues thankfully, but fully understood his concern. I doubt he spoke to the DSL about it, the safeguarding thoughts came from him.

LolaSmiles Sat 07-Dec-19 16:58:13

Staff who have children in my school are the same as any other parent, but they'd generally be a bit more cautious overall, bit that's more about making sure they're dressed in the morning Vs pyjamas etc for breakfast.

They still do sleepovers and social media in a personal capacity with parent friends, but don't add DC friends for the sake of boundaries. Nobody at work has had an issue with it.

cabbageking Fri 13-Dec-19 00:40:26

I wouldn't have asked but now you have I would ensure parents agree with your plans as they are the only ones to complain.

If they give you permission to do x,y z in your own home then who would complain?

Cat1nthehat Fri 13-Dec-19 20:09:52

My daughter goes to the school I teach at and I constantly have a house full of her friends! Never ever would have asked... out of school you are mum..... in school you are teacher.... the only time I would involve safeguarding lead is if I heard something I was uncomfortable with.

Penyu Sat 14-Dec-19 04:37:57

My daughter goes to my school, she's actually in the same year group that I teach in.
I have never once considered it a safeguarding issue having her friends sleepover! We are at an international school though. I am also the daughter of a teacher, so I guess it's all very normal to me. Also I am (a single) female, and I guess it would be different for a male teacher. It shouldn't be, but I can understand that more, male teachers are more vulnerable.
No photos etc on sm, My God. World's gone mad. I can understand not tagging the school into a post, but other than that... 🙄

MiniGuinness Sat 14-Dec-19 05:04:11

I was thinking the same LazyFace. Maybe it is like Mary from the Royle family who forgot she was the dinner lady, not the teacher.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine Wed 18-Dec-19 06:06:36

Same as Cat1nthehat.

LaserShark Wed 18-Dec-19 06:11:05

Is it about protecting you, OP? If students are in your home they could covertly photograph things that could be embarrassing eg ‘Mrs X in a dressing gown’ or something in your house and post it online for ridicule/prurient interest of other students. I would worry to be honest in that situation.

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