Child not collect from school

[Fullofthought]

If my daughter was not collect from school by her father what would happen at your school. He is responsible for every wed and alternative Friday pick ups? On my days I'm never late to pick her up/ drop off. I'm worried that she's going to get really upset over this and that the school will hold it against me in some way. He has physically said he cannot do it but has been court ordered to do it so has to unless he goes through the solicitor to change the agreement. If social services do get involved would that be with me too or just him? Thanks

[JayneyMc4]

Has he missed pick ups before?
If a parent is late, the school would call emergency contact that they have and ask them to come for the child.

[Perty01234]

If he has said he physically can’t do it not sure how you as a parent could then happily leave your DC in that position knowing she wouldn’t get picked up?
School would ring him... then ring you.... you would then go get her. A SS referral might go in if it happens frequently which probably wouldn’t reflect well on either or you as DC is stuck in the middle of the situation potentially emotionally neglected m?

[Smoggle]

School will call all her emergency contacts. If everyone refuses to collect her then school will have to refer to social services.

[SoyDora]

If you know he’s definitely not going to do it, then why wouldn’t you do it?

[ataleoftwothenthreethenfour]

But if he has been court ordered to do it, then presumably the OP couldn't just chose to get the child as it would break the court order.

[SoyDora]

But if he has been court ordered to do it, then presumably the OP couldn't just chose to get the child as it would break the court order

But surely that would only matter if the Father then complained to the court that the order had been broken? And why would he do that if he has no intention of abiding by it himself?

[Penguinandbear]

At 5pm our primary school would inform relevant authorities. If both parents are refusing to collect and leaving a young child unattended then potentially SS could become involved with both. An older child who is able to walk themselves home, say if secondary age, could be given a key and could wait at home for couple of hours until parent arrives but leaving a say 5 year old with no childcare, unattended and distressed is not acceptable.

[Petalflowers]

The school would contact the next contact, ie yourselvesor whoever he has designated as his second point of call.

The school wouldn’t hold it against you.

Why has he said he can’tbdo It? If he can’t, surely he must arrange for someone to pick her up on his behalf.

[Soubriquet]

Surely, if he really truly physically can’t do it, you as a mother should step in and collect.

Don’t do it just to help him though. Do it for your child

[SoupDragon]

I would explain the situation to the school in advance so that they are awar there might be a problem and that it isn't down to you. What would you like them to do if he didn't turn up?

[RandomMess]

He needs to arrange and pay for childcare or someone else to collect such as family...

Is there a Eason why you couldn't or wouldn't want your DD instead?

[Sirzy]

If he physically can’t do it and you can then why can’t you?

Even if it’s court ordered contact time that doesn’t mean you can change it when both agree

[Orchidflower1]

Surely if he can’t collect ( because if work etc) it’s up to him to arrange appropriate care ie pay for for after school club until he can get there or book a childminder and pay for every wed / fri even he isn’t using the cm.

[CarrieBlue]

If he can’t collect her then he’ll have to do what everyone else does and get her into after school club/childminder/relative picking up. Why should the op do his job for him, I’m sure she has plans in place for the days she needs to collect?

[Stuckforthefourthtime]

Surely if he can’t collect ( because if work etc) it’s up to him to arrange appropriate care ie pay for for after school club until he can get there or book a childminder and pay for every wed / fri even he isn’t using the cm

This. Can't see why so many pps think it should be the mum's problem.

[cocomelon23]

I thought a court order couldn't force a parent to do something. I thought a court order meant that a child has to be available to that parent at the specified times.

[IggyPoppers]

Yes social services will be involved with the child. This absolutely would involve both parents. If you both effectively abandon her at school you may both be deemed unfit to have her. Don't play silly games, OP.

[Lougle]

It's contact time, not "no responsibility for your child" time. You still have parental responsibility for your child 100% of the time. If you know that he isn't going to attend to pick her up, then pick her up, as you would in any other situation.

Be cross with him, keep a note that he didn't fulfill his contact time, if you need to. But don't make your DD a pawn in a game of chess.

[AndromedaPerseus]

Our LA would contact social services if a child was not collected in a reasonable of timeframe and all contacts had been tried and failed. Ss would arrange overnight emergency foster carers for the child and in the morning pursue it as a safeguarding issue.

[SD1978]

This is a tough one. Ultimately they can't force him to have contact with his child, but can force you to facilitate contact- it's a bollocks system where there's no comeback (except court) to decrease time and arrangements for a father who doesn't participate. Are you able to collect on these days last minute if he doesn't turn up? Has he failed to turn up so far? If this was me, and the order stipulated picking up from school and he didn't- I would t be doing it and then handing her over at a time that's convenient for him after my plans being scuppered last minute- I'd be looking to have the court order adjusted to include child minder/after school care as standard for his days.

[TeddyIsaHe]

Situation like this really fuck me off. Why is it op’s problem to sort out when her dd’s father is being a useless piece of shit and refusing to pick his own child up from school? Any decent human would never do that. Op is caring for her child exactly as she should, why are men allowed to slack off and mothers are left to pick up the pieces? And posters on here are implying it would be op’s fault of this happened!! Get out of the 50’s would you?

If he can’t pick up his own child from school then he needs to arrange suitable childcare that he can pick her up from.

[Penguinandbear]

The situation would be exactly the same in reverse - if the mother was refusing would be father's responsibility. Any responsible parent wouldn't leave their child at school distressed with no-one looking after it. It's not fair on school staff or the child, an emergency is different. It's neglect by both parents.

[RandomMess]

It is the fathers responsibility to sort out and pay for childcare!!!!

The op may be working, or the op may wish to collect instead...

[Sirzy]

We can’t judge the father because we don’t know the reasons. The op has said he physically can’t do it but that doesn’t say why he physically can’t. Nor does she say if she is physically able to do it on those days

[AssassinatedBeauty]

I don't think the ex means it is physically impossible for him, by being out of the country or something. I think the OP means that he has personally said to her that he cannot do it, and won't organise anyone else to pick up on his behalf.

Are you able to go to the school and wait with her? When her father doesn't show up you can just take her straight home.

I would also talk to the school. Ask to speak to whoever is the relevant person and explain the situation - that there is a court order in place for those days, but he is highly unlikely to actually pick her up.