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Delicate situation with a student

(28 Posts)
faithinthesound Thu 15-Mar-18 02:44:07

So I've been teaching a very, very short time, so this is the first time this happened to me. I've got my first student who evidently has a crush on me.

Now OBVIOUSLY nothing will happen. The child is eleven, and I'm not a disgusting human being!!! So when I say I want advice, I need it to be clear and understood, I'm not a criminal, not a pedophile, and not a troll.

What I'm asking is how best to proceed and not hurt the child's feelings. It's painfully obvious that the crush exists (it has been remarked on by other teachers). I've done nothing to encourage it (that I'm aware of).

However, a potential mitigating factor is that my partner - my female partner - recently came to school to drop off a forgotten lunch for me, and in the process sort of met my class... and this particular student is also female. As in, there's the potential that I've maybe normalized the whole girl/girl relationship thing by modeling one, however inadvertently?

So. To recap. First student with a crush, don't want to hurt her feelings, want to be sensitive to her feelings, I've recently "come out" as it were, and the student in question is female.

How have others proceeded in similar situations? I know "keep calm and carry on" is the best advice but also I don't want to do anything to upset the child if you see what I mean.

I see the huge potential for people thinking this is a troll post don't worry. All I can do is promise I'm not one.

OP’s posts: |
Mustang27 Thu 15-Mar-18 02:59:00

Don't do anything. She is 11, I think most of us have crushed on teachers at some point. I doubt you will sway her sexuality choice for demonstrating a same sex relationship and if women turn out to be her preference then that will be her choice not the fact that she had a teacher once that was.

Honestly this is a non issue. Unless she starts behaving inappropriately in some way just carry on and pay no heed. You should discuss this with your peers and management though if you are genuinely concerned. That way if this does become an issue then it was also already flagged as a potential risk.

BedtimeTea Thu 15-Mar-18 03:08:04

You carry on teaching and just treat all of the students the same way.

Labradoodliedoodoo Thu 15-Mar-18 03:14:09

I would just ignore the situation and be very normal with her.

Labradoodliedoodoo Thu 15-Mar-18 03:15:21

Lots of kids have crushes on teachers. Just treat her like everyone else. Don’t be alone together.

SD1978 Thu 15-Mar-18 03:30:04

Ensure your head of dept, supervisor is aware, and treat her the same as any other pupil. It doesn’t need to be acknowledged, as long as you are aware and ensure that the situation is kept under control and you have the required support, I’d leave it at this. Many kids crush on teachers- it is a part of growing up.

Rockandrollwithit Thu 15-Mar-18 10:41:06

I would inform your line manager but seriously do nothing. It's a non issue, just treat her the same as everyone else.

sonjadog Thu 15-Mar-18 16:27:08

Just carry on as normal, treat her as you do everyone else. If you feel she is manufacturing situations to be alone with you, then be wise to that and make sure it doesn't happen. The crush will pass.

BossWitch Thu 15-Mar-18 16:29:20

Ignore, treat her like everyone else, don't be alone with her ever.

cansu Thu 15-Mar-18 18:22:57

Exactly as Bosswitch says.

faithinthesound Fri 16-Mar-18 02:02:27

Thanks for the advice smile

OP’s posts: |
Petitepamplemousse Sat 17-Mar-18 18:47:22

How long have you been teaching? You seem to be overreacting to a non-issue. Kids get crushes. It's normal, you ignore it and don't even bother thinking about it! This wouldn't even register on my list of many things to worry about after a hectic day of teaching.

raindropsandsunshine Sat 17-Mar-18 18:55:11

Tell your headteacher now, as soon as you can.

Noeuf Sat 17-Mar-18 18:58:48

op says clearly a very short time and first situation like this.

Haggisfish Sat 17-Mar-18 19:34:29

I would also let your line manager know, by email. Ensure you leave door open and try not to be alone with student.

trinity0097 Mon 19-Mar-18 21:04:26

First thing to do is fill out a low level concern (or whatever you School calls them), that there is the potential for concern, and pass to your DSL, who will then advise.

moonmaker Mon 19-Mar-18 21:07:56

How is it painfully obvious ?

ParadiseCity Mon 19-Mar-18 21:12:29

Surely you have had safeguarding training, why on earth do you need to ask the internet?

Muddyhems Mon 19-Mar-18 21:19:41

Make sure you inform you line manager. Make sure you are never alone with the child (for your sake). These innocent unrequited crushes can put teachers in vulnerable situations if they are not careful so be very careful to act in a way which puts you beyond reproach. You will be protecting the child and yourself in that way.

threeelephants Mon 19-Mar-18 21:22:32

Yes I was going to ask where your safeguarding training was. How long have you been teaching? I don't know any teacher who would react like this to a very minor situation.

TarzansPlasticCrocodile Mon 19-Mar-18 21:33:37

Agree you should have covered this in safeguarding training (presumably you are in secondary not primary?). If you are new to teaching you should get clarification from your line manager about safeguarding rules. Appreciate you need advice but it should be from your place of work not from here.

BettyBettyBetty Mon 19-Mar-18 22:57:23

Ah OP, I've been in your shoes. I came out to a student who then developed a crush on me and I worried terribly I'd somehow normalised being gay for her. Then I realised that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I was hopelessly in love with a (female) maths teacher when I was at school. She treated me like an annoyance! grin

I'd not fret about it- treat the same way you would if she was a boy and not overthink it at all. Tell your line manager. As a DSP I'd say there's no need for a cause for concern form, but I'd make sure I wasn't alone with her if I was you.

BettyBettyBetty Mon 19-Mar-18 22:58:41

@paradisecity I think you need to look at why Mumsnet exists in the first place!

faithinthesound Tue 20-Mar-18 02:58:08

I've had the safeguarding training, so I know to steer well clear of being alone with her, tell the appropriate people, etc. That's not the issue. The issue is her feelings! I don't want a situation where I'm trying so hard to protect her and myself that she ends up thinking I think she's a nuisance, as a PP described. THAT was the advice I was after.

I'm new to teaching but I'm not so silly as to forget all my training... it's just that no one seems to tell you about the emotional side of it for them. They're all too busy making sure we can't be accused of "interfering" with them.

OP’s posts: |
TarzansPlasticCrocodile Tue 20-Mar-18 06:18:52

I think you just ignore the crush and treat her exactly like every other student. That is the professional way forward. Too much attention could be misconstrued, too little attention is unnecessary just treat her exactly the same as everyone else, eventually the crush will wear off and that will be that. She won’t want to be confronted about the crush by other members of staff - humiliating for her - so just carrry on as normal unless her conduct became inappropriate (which I very much doubt it will) in which case you would need to involve a pastoral member of staff.

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