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Handhold for leaving teaching? Crying over my QTS certificate!

(15 Posts)
Masonbee Tue 30-Jan-18 14:33:23

Or maybe just tell me to get a grip!

I made the decision to leave teaching over three years ago but since then have been doing bits of supply between retraining, volunteering and other temp work.

I start my brand new permanent non teaching job next week and I've been really excited! Tidying away my bag of supply goodies today I burst into tears over my QTS certificate. I feel like I've failed and I feel like teaching as a profession has failed me.

At times I have been judged outstanding, had parents say I made a huge difference to them and their children and I've loved watching my pupils grow, learn and develop.

At other times I've been told by managers I'm not good enough, been judged satisfactory or inadequate, felt like I can't get out of bed and driven to school hoping the car would crash so I could go to hospital and rest (sorry if that's dramatic or triggering to anyone, but in the moment that was my thought)

Along the supply stuff were some resources I made in my Nqt year, more than 10 years ago and I'm just so sad to think it ended the way it did.

Anyone else feel this way? I'm hoping is the last vestiges of sadness before my new life begins!

OP’s posts: |
Eolian Tue 30-Jan-18 14:39:34

Aww OP! I haven't done 'proper' teaching for years now. I do bits and bobs of supply, tutoring etc, but it's not the same (in both good ways and bad ways). If I'm honest, I'd really love to do what you're doing, make a clean break and do something totally different. Try and look back fondly on the good bits and look forward to your new career. If it's not too nosy of me, what kind of work are you going into?

Masonbee Tue 30-Jan-18 15:01:44

Thank you, I'm already feeling better for typing it out. I thought I would be nothing but excited, I suppose we are more complicated than that and it had been a sizable part of my identity for all my adult life!

I'm going into university admin, (sorry, I don't want to say the specific role but working directly with students and supporting them) It should be easier, interesting and I'm already booked on a training course so lots of new things that will hopefully keep me stimulated...

When I decided to leave I made a list of all the food and bad things about my job, maybe I should do another one with a bit of distance!

I did look at staying in related-to-teaching jobs but I felt like I needed a clean slate so to speak. I'm glad you found a way to make it work for you!

OP’s posts: |
sakura06 Tue 30-Jan-18 20:21:26

It's completely understandable to feel emotional. Teaching is a very up and down job, and I recognise many of your highs and lows! All the best in your new role.

pieceofpurplesky Tue 30-Jan-18 20:29:08

I feel you pain OP. I have been teaching for 20 years and only now do I feel so judged. I am used to observations and all that but now it is ridiculous. So far I am failing my Year 11s as they were not on target with their mocks - I have to show a detailed plan of every lesson and write up what I am doing for each kid. The four who failed to make the grade are not often in school - all have less than 80% attendance. Obviously not my fault but i need to ensure the grades.
This week I failed an observation - my books were well marked, the pupils on target - my crime? I talked (to an SEND low ability group) for 14 minutes - 4 minutes over the ofsted guidelines. It was an SEND class ... they get extra time in exam but I don't get extra time to explain??
I hate it at the moment

hoochymama1 Tue 30-Jan-18 20:47:08

Oh, bless you Mason I left teaching a few years ago too, and now have a job I love. Teaching will always be there for you, and you clearly are a superb teacher! Maybe just allow yourself a little break thanks

Masonbee Wed 31-Jan-18 14:12:59

Thank you all, feeling a little embarrassed about being so melodramatic now but it suddenly hit me in that moment. @pieceofpurplesky yes I recognise many of the same issues and wish you luck with it all.
a break is what's needed, I'd like to think I could go back into it some day!

OP’s posts: |
NotAgainYoda Wed 31-Jan-18 17:06:31

It took me years to fully get over leaving the profession (not teaching) I had trained for for years, would have been quite good at, had I persisted, but which stressed me out so much that I developed panic attacks and then depression.

Over the years I have considered going back but it leaves me with such residual bad feelings I definitely don't want to

I now work in a school and love it. But I see that teaching comes with very similar pressures. I find it extraordinary how people cope with it - I could not.

Give yourself lots and lots of time to get over this. Do not rush. You have not failed; you've made a choice

And in time you may go back or you may now - no-one but you is holding a gun to your head.

ElfrideSwancourt Wed 31-Jan-18 19:38:19

I'm leaving at Easter after almost 4 years in the job- and I can't wait. I feel guilty for putting my family through the stress of a PGCE but I have to stop before I completely break.
Apparently I don't have enough presence- it's hard to have when depression is bad. I handed in my notice and they said please don't leave even though had just told me I'm rubbish. I pretended to consider for a couple of days and then said I'm leaving.
I will really miss the children but that's all. I don't even feel like doing supply at the moment.

SweetSummerchild Sat 03-Feb-18 11:34:17

I completely understand, OP. After 13.5 years in the profession, I crashed and burned at Christmas. There’s no going back for me, ever, as I’ve taken ill health retirement. In some ways the confirmation that I’m permanently unfit to teach for medical reasons fells like a vindication, but I still feel like a failure.

My pension isn’t that impressive. With my particular disability my employment prospects are pretty much non-existent (OH doctor confirmed this on my IHR application form). Tutoring is out the question even through the demand would be massive (A level in a STEM subject) as I would then lose my pension.

My QTS certificate and all the resources that I kept are shoved in the loft. I can’t bear to look at them.

NotAgainYoda Sat 03-Feb-18 12:05:11

Sweet

I felt the same as you. It took me years (20!!!) to throw all my course work away but it was finally cathartic.
I got back into work via volunteer work completely unrelated to what I'd done before. I'd taken several months to get strong - I exercised for the first time during that period, and that really helped then went into volunteering.

I was really lucky to have someone at my vol. job who mentored me and built my confidence again.

I wish you well flowers

SweetSummerchild Sat 03-Feb-18 12:49:48

Thank you for the kind words, Yoda. I am sure that my life will take a new and interesting turn, but am at a loss at the moment to think what that may be. I’m taking some time out to have a ‘gap year’ and enjoy going to all my children’s sporting events and family assemblies that I’ve missed over the years. There are lots of voluntary things I’d like to try and maybe, as in your case, it may lead onto something else.

Meanwhile, I’ve by chance ended up helping a bestselling Canadian children’s author with her latest book. It concerns a character with the same medical condition as I have. She was looking for some advice on the condition at it happens that I developed it under the exact same circumstances as the character. We’ve exchanged lots of communications and I’m going to be proof reading her next draft. I may end up with my name in print!

I’m glad to hear you found a new opportunity for paid work that you now find fulfilling.

Goodenoughparent101 Sat 03-Feb-18 13:04:25

Well done you!
It is such a hard profession these days.
There are literally no other careers where you are so constantly scrutinised, where the goal posts are moved so often.

So happy for you, enjoy your new job and well done! 💐

Effic Sat 03-Feb-18 13:09:06

pieceof
There is no Ofsted criteria about time talking to a pupil
What sort of rubbish is your SLT or whoever observed you talking?
Go and read the inspection framework & highlight the bit that talks about there being NO prescribed teaching strategy or marking policy by Ofsted and then hand your resignation in and find a job in a school not run by idiots!

tethersend Sat 03-Feb-18 13:24:00

You know what felt like 'free time' when you were teaching? That's what most other professions call 'work' grin

All the best for your new job. You're taking the skills you've learned with you and you'll develop them further.

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