I am a primary school teacher in my third year in a school and team that I literally love.
When I myself was at school, I was always behind, bewildered and eventually just plain naughty and mainly immature.
I had a shocking home life and spent my twenties having counselling, therapy and travelled the world, nannying and 'finding' myself.
In my late twenties I went to college, got my GCSEs and A levels then took a 3 year teaching degree. I trained really hard, always did brilliantly well on placements and even managed to pass the QTS tests first time with a lot of revision.
I graduated on my thirtieth birthday and managed to land a job in one of the last existing schools that isn't full of workaholic burnt out teachers. It's 'Outstanding' and I enjoy the vibrant atmosphere.
BUT...
That bewildered inner-me still exists. I constantly feel like I'm not good enough, that people will think of me as sloppy (even though the head openly admits she is 'creative' therefore bits of paper everywhere etc) That one day, my discomfort around numeracy will be exposed and I will be put on capability (I only teach Key stage 1 so this insecurity is crazy considering I passed the QTS test which was so hard)
I worry that I sometimes find the officiousness of one of the teachers basically infuriating. He loves policies, implementing convoluted new systems to tick health and safety boxes and being generally dominating.
I also find that planning takes me a REALLY long time and I honestly don't see the point in taking more time to plan that it takes to deliver the lesson so I don't, because none checks. Or I might but it doesn't have differentiation written on etc because I know that I will do that through my teaching practice so I don't see why I need to write it down. But then I worry that I'll one day be caught out for this.
I procrastinate over marking, I forget things, I just don't feel on top form.
I know I'm passionate and that when I'm with the children I have a great rapport with them and I also get very good results (SATs wise)
Will I settle into it, will maths always bore me a bit, do I need to take a different path?
Thank you.
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Will I ever feel comfortable as a teacher?
14 replies
everythingisempty · 14/12/2017 21:51
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