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Need advice. WWYD?

(26 Posts)
getsomecatsoutandcalm Thu 14-Dec-17 19:01:32

I accepted a job in October. It is in a different area of the country to the one I live in. I was going to relocate to be with a partner.

Since then, my relationship has ended and a close relative is seriously ill. (It has been a great end to 2017.)

Obviously, the professional thing to do is go ahead with the job and I was going to even when things ended with ex. However, my relatives illness has put another spin on things. Our parents are dead. This will fall on my shoulders and I feel very unsure about leaving.

Should I contact the school and explain the situation ... what should I do? Normally I feel very confident in my decisions but I feel very uncertain and anxious right now.

SpartonDregs Thu 14-Dec-17 19:05:43

When does the job start and can you afford not to start working there?

Be confident, what is the worst that can happen? Just call and explain and I am sure the sooner the better in their eyes.

getsomecatsoutandcalm Thu 14-Dec-17 19:23:06

It starts in January.

My current school would be glad to keep me, I think, but it is the fact it would ultimately be very unprofessional.

Coolaschmoola Thu 14-Dec-17 19:25:39

Work is only a part of life. There are things far more important - family is the main one and it should come first. Anyone with a speck of humanity would understand.

It's not unprofessional, it's life - it happens.

PotteringAlong Thu 14-Dec-17 19:25:52

My current school would be glad to keep me, I think,

Are you sure? Have they not replaced you?

Also, what will the new school do with one week to go? The professional thing to do is go, resign on the first day and leave at easter.

getsomecatsoutandcalm Thu 14-Dec-17 20:01:29

I get that pottering but wouldn’t the (new school) appreciate me saying, look, would you rather I did this, or that?

It might be less disruptive.

Yes, I’m sure. confused There is a teacher shortage and they have not replaced me with anyone permanent.

ItsYuleyme Thu 14-Dec-17 20:08:28

getsome, I would let the school know as soon as possible that due to unforeseen family circumstances you will unfortunately be unable to take the job. Really sorry etc!!!!!
And tell present school you will be staying.
Sort it before the schools break up for Xmas!
You would be totally unreasonable to take the job, (for no reason now, anyway) and then on top of that, leave behind a relative who has discovered they are ill.
No brainer really, I would say...
Btw hope 2018 treats you better!

NovemberWitch Thu 14-Dec-17 20:12:24

Pottering, it’s just a job. confused
If she goes, how can she care for the seriously ill relative? What if they die whilst OP is ‘being professional’? School can get supply and appoint at Easter.

getsomecatsoutandcalm Thu 14-Dec-17 20:25:17

I was thinking of emailing and explaining circumstances have dramatically changed and while I am happy to keep to my side of the contract and then potentially leave at Easter it might be easier and more conducive to not start at all. I really really don’t want to be disruptive to staff or children. Just don’t know what to do!

DumbledoresApprentice Thu 14-Dec-17 20:29:46

I think you should call and speak to the head. Explain what has happened and see what they say.

larrygrylls Thu 14-Dec-17 20:57:39

You are getting some insane advice here.

Your circumstances have dramatically changed and you cannot take the job. There would be nothing professional about starting a job and resigning on the first day. What would you do for one term which would be useful to the school?

The professional thing to do would be to call the head, apologise profusely, and explain what has happened. They will be annoyed but get over it quickly.

That way they can arrange supply teaching while urgently looking for a replacement.

CarrieBlue Thu 14-Dec-17 21:28:09

You may find that you are liable to pay for supply to cover your new post until the school can appoint someone else. You’ll also find that your reputation in that area will be shot through so you need to be sure you won’t want to work there in future.

getsomecatsoutandcalm Thu 14-Dec-17 21:35:31

Thank you. I do understand it isn’t ideal and normally I wouldn’t even entertain it as an idea. But I do not see how I can leave my relative right now. He is extremely vulnerable.

BackforGood Thu 14-Dec-17 21:44:36

That's not going to happen CarrieBlue.
Pick up the phone, and talk to the HT.
Don't mention the relationship, but mention the relative and your change in responsibilities, and take it from there.

marl Thu 14-Dec-17 21:48:06

It sounds like because of the change in relationship status you would not want to move there in the future. Irrespective of your ill relative there was already little reason to now move. I would check with your current school if they will keep you and if they will then email the new head to explain why you can't go. It sounds a new post in an area you don't even want to be in would only add to your load.

CarrieBlue Thu 14-Dec-17 21:56:14

I’ve heard of it happening - hopefully the new head will be understanding, but you will be in breach of contract if you don’t take up your new post (assuming you have signed your new contract).

getsomecatsoutandcalm Thu 14-Dec-17 21:59:00

Yes, but I am giving them the option, Carrie ... I will start, but I think it might be easier for both parties if I don’t so coming to a mutual agreement rather than ‘I’m NOT going’ - do you see what I mean?

MsJaneAusten Thu 14-Dec-17 22:00:54

I’m sorry all this has happened to you flowers

How well do you get on with current head? If I was you, I’d speak to her first, explain the situation, emphasise your long term commitment to the role and check you can stay there.

Then call (this is one time when email really won’t do) the new head, apologise profusely and explain that you can’t take up the role.

Might also be worth talking to your union. I believe new School could charge you recruitment costs, but not sure of the details of that or if it ever happens in real life.

RavenWings Thu 14-Dec-17 22:01:27

It's only a job at the end of the day, family is much more important. I say ring the Head and talk to them about it. If possible I imagine they'd rather hire someone who will stay, rather than take you on knowing you'll leave at Easter.

ItsYuleyme Thu 14-Dec-17 22:03:34

Speak to the Head as soon as poss.
Explain ill relative and that You may have to give notice quite soon.
Ask her, what she wants you to do.
My guess is, she'll tell you to stay where you are.

CarrieBlue Thu 14-Dec-17 22:04:07

Like I said, I really hope the new head is understanding, but you may need to prepare yourself for some financial cost - the school shouldn’t have to pay out because you have changed your mind (even for a perfectly understandable reason).

ItsYuleyme Thu 14-Dec-17 22:29:13

You're not being helpful CarrieBlue.
You're talking out of turn as well. I think you should keep your guesses at how the new head will react or what financial costs could be incurred to yourself.
Have you an axe to grind or something?d
You are very, very negative.

CarrieBlue Fri 15-Dec-17 07:54:50

I’ve known it to happen - with respect, pretending that you know the new head will say it’s ok, we can do without a teacher we’ve been planning for since October is as much a guess. As I said, I hope it will turn out that the head is understanding and doesn’t enforce any penalty, but the op should be aware of all possible consequences. I’m not sure how that is out of turn.

Op, I really do hope that you get a satisfactory resolution, and that you can concentrate on your family which is always the most important thing.

PotteringAlong Fri 15-Dec-17 10:30:07

i don’t think carrie is being negative and talking out of turn - I think she’s being honest about the reality of the situation.

I’ve not seen people be held for breech of contact. I have seen people change their mind post resignation and try to take it back and be told no, even if they haven’t been replaced.

ItsYuleyme Fri 15-Dec-17 14:05:36

Pottering, OP said that she was sure that her current school would be glad to keep her.
So I presume that we have to take her word on that, although you could ask her if she was sure about what she had said.

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