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I spend more time with other people's kids than my own

(235 Posts)
user71017 Mon 06-Nov-17 05:42:33

That's just fundamentally wrong.

I took dd2 (3) to a party yesterday and was so upset because I didn't know a single other mum. Why? Because I've never been able to take my youngest to preschool.

Dd1 (7) had her first netball match on Friday. She was the only team member not to have mummy watching.

I know the parents of the kids in my class more than the parents of my friends kids. I see the kids in my class more than I see my own.

This is all with being part time but being screwed over with working 3.5 days over 5.

DamsonGin Mon 06-Nov-17 05:58:58

I'm sorry, that must be hard. You're not alone in that, it happens outside of teaching for other working parents too. However, working 3.5 days, you should get some bit of your week free, how's that not happening? Or is it just the inflexibility of it?

MiniTheMinx Mon 06-Nov-17 06:03:41

Snap. I've just started work as a RSW with looked after children. I'm missing my own. Most of my colleagues don't have children and have no understanding of the way you can feel torn. I gave up work when DS1 was about a year old because of this. Now 15 years later I felt it was time to go back to it but I still feel conflicted. I'm planning to go part time in 6m so I can do MA, but also so I can see the DCs.

Is there anyway you can cut your hours down and loose a day? most working mothers don't face the same feeling of being yorn. They may miss out, but they probably don't feel guilty or conflicted in the same way.

frenchfancy17 Mon 06-Nov-17 06:04:28

Do something about it.Life is too short x

acornsandnuts Mon 06-Nov-17 06:04:42

Lots of parents miss out on school runs and extra curricular stuff. It’s shit I agree, but it certainly isn’t just teaching. At least you have school holidays.

user71017 Mon 06-Nov-17 06:05:03

Yes I get to collect my oldest on 3 days. The youngest is mornings only so I have childcare collecting her. They are both taken by someone else every morning. Means I miss assemblies and all sorts. I know other jobs are similar but in teaching there's no flexibility because we get "all the holidays" elsewhere. I just want to jack it in tbh.

user71017 Mon 06-Nov-17 06:05:51

It's the fact they're so young. If they were older I wouldn't feel so guilty.

BarchesterFlowers Mon 06-Nov-17 06:08:19

I don't see DD during the week until Thursday evening. I am often gone before she gets up and home late, tonight for instance I will get home at 10pm (although I am not leaving until 8:30am today).

Many working parents are in the same boat, not many jobs are massively flexible.

As acorns said, I don't get school holidays off either.

user71017 Mon 06-Nov-17 06:11:17

I'm not saying teaching is the only inflexible job. I'm just saying that I think it's shit. (Shit for many many reasons as a profession).

BanyanTree Mon 06-Nov-17 06:17:16

If you are a teacher, don't you get 13+ weeks off a year?

Cantseethewoods Mon 06-Nov-17 06:20:56

Ok, but (sorry if this comes across as harsh) you get 13 weeks holiday as pay off for that lack of termtime flexibility, and also at least you know it's the nature of the beast and not just your employer being a wanker. There are many other jobs which have neither the holiday or the flexibility. If you quit teaching and got a different job, then you'd see less of your dc overall and you'll have to pay for holiday childcare. With your youngest approaching school age, it seems crazy to switch now.

Haskell Mon 06-Nov-17 06:25:54

I work in education, but not as a teacher. I work full year (52 weeks), with usual no of holiday days, but cannot take any off in term time, nor can I be off after third Wednesday in august, due to results.
I never pick children up from school, or drop them.
For about half the average pay of a teacher...

Brokenbiscuit Mon 06-Nov-17 06:28:49

I'm usually sympathetic to teachers on here, because I know that the workload is often massively underestimated, but tbh, you sound a bit whiny. You do get the school holidays with your dc, which is more than many working parents get, and there are lots of jobs where people don't have the flexibility to attend assemblies or sports matches etc.

Ultimately, if the lack of flexibility during term-time bothers you, you can quit and do something else instead.

bastedyoungturkey Mon 06-Nov-17 06:34:11

OP, (I say this as a teacher) go elsewhere with your moan, as however shit you and I think your situation is, Teachers don’t get to moan on mumsnet. Even in the staffrooom.

NovemberWitch Mon 06-Nov-17 06:34:18

How much time does daddy get with them? It’s the job, if it doesn’t suit you, then change it. But most working women have the same problem.

BarchesterFlowers Mon 06-Nov-17 06:35:59

A working parent who gets to do pick up three days a week and has the school holidays at home?

Most working parents don't get to do that. The alternative is not working.

OutandIntoday Mon 06-Nov-17 06:37:36

Many many people work full time and get 4-5 wks leave with some bank holidays thrown in- myself included. You are right, there is more flexibility to take days off, however, the leave is so precious and school holidays so challenging to cover assemblies and netball matches don't get a look in - not with me anyway. I think you might have slightly rose tinted glasses about how other working parents have it. I would focus on seeing if you can review your 3.5 day split to get a full day off and proper part time benefits. Does your DH work in teaching too? If not, can he cover some school events if your dds want someone there?

acornsandnuts Mon 06-Nov-17 06:40:57

Jack it in then. Go and get a 9-5 —if there is such a thing— unpaid overtime because it’s expected with 20 days holiday, and Christmas is always great working until Christmas Eve unless you take said holidays.

And as for flexibility, if you work with men and regularly ask for time off for school assemblies or to finish early for a sports event, you WILL be looked over for promotion because John has never asked for time off for such nonsense.

ourkidmolly Mon 06-Nov-17 06:41:11

I thought this area was for teachers to have a moan etc. and discuss matters pertaining to education and school? What’s with all the pious rhetoric from others working harder?

susannahmoodie Mon 06-Nov-17 06:42:27

Sorry OP, I’m a FT HoD with dcs aged 6 and 4. I’ve never done the school run but I do have breakfast with them every morning, spend around 3 hours with them most nights, put them to bed and read them stories AND I get all the holidays off with them. I see a lot more of them than friends who work ft in other fields because I can be home by half 4 and mark/plan etc after they have gone to bed. I can’t see what you have to moan about frankly.

DamsonGin Mon 06-Nov-17 06:43:02

Is it more that you just miss your children because you work rather than the job you're doing? And the fact that you work with other people's children just rubs it in?

Brokenbiscuit Mon 06-Nov-17 06:44:30

however shit you and I think your situation is, Teachers don’t get to moan on mumsnet.

Whether it's in "the staffroom" or not, it pops up on active threads, and most people don't notice what board it's on. It isn't that teachers aren't allowed to moan in any case, but are the rest of us just supposed to say yes, yes, teachers have it worse than everyone?

There are some teacher moans that are entirely justified, but that doesn't make them all justified. It sounds like the OP sees her kids far more than many working parents. If she wants to see them more, she needs to do something different.

I have turned down many career opportunities over the years because I value the generous leave entitlement and flexibility that my current job offers. There are things that I don't like about my current job, but ultimately, we all decide our priorities and we make our choices accordingly.

NovemberWitch Mon 06-Nov-17 06:44:32

I am a teacher, have been ft for decades. OP is just going to find it harder as the years roll by. The fact that teaching isn’t family-friendly isn’t a secret and isn’t going to change.

MaisyPops Mon 06-Nov-17 06:47:39

I hear your frustration OP.
You chose to go to 3.5 days to allow you time to do things and what you've ended up with is working over 5 days.
It probably feels like you're not getting the benefit of your reduced hours.

Ignire people being awful. This is a space you can let kff steam and moan.

BeingATwatItsABingThing Mon 06-Nov-17 06:48:56

Can I just throw in that teachers are not paid for 13 weeks holiday?

We get the same amount of paid holiday as everyone else and our pay is spread across the year so we aren’t short some months.

I also get given a ridiculous workload over the half terms so it’s working from home really.

Working parents just get a shit time of it, not just teachers.

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