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Balancing being a good parent and a good teacher

(34 Posts)
Changerofname987654321 Thu 14-Sep-17 13:05:40

How do you do it? Can it be managed? I feel that I can't do either well.

parrotonmyshoulder Thu 14-Sep-17 16:44:38

I can't.
I'm a better teacher than a parent.
I couldn't do either part time so am full time.

I'm an okay parent. Which is a shame.

hollytom Thu 14-Sep-17 17:03:19

I think it is impossible to be a full time teacher and parent well now. I find teaching just sucks me in completely in term time.When I was teaching full time I felt it was making me ill. I am part time now and don't feel as much part of the school and I am compromising A LOT in class to make the job share work. But I would rather compromise at work than at home.

melonribenia Thu 14-Sep-17 17:06:20

I can't do it.
I'm part time - 3 days.
I literally don't do anything other than school for those three days and nights and then during my days off I still do work in the evening but its shared with my job share so is not a full class responsibility etc.
I don't know how you'd do it full time

rainbowpie Thu 14-Sep-17 17:06:55

I couldn't so I left. On mat leave with DC2 atm and will be going back on supply until I decide what to do long term.

showergel1 Thu 14-Sep-17 17:09:28

I barely function as a good human being as well as a good teacher.

Sorry that's no help l!

susannahmoodie Thu 14-Sep-17 17:16:32

Do you think male teachers feel that it is impossible to be a good teacher and a good parent?

I am a FT HOD or a core subject and I have 2 dcs aged 4 and 6. I think I do ok. Well more than ok, I am bloody good at both.

However, I am lucky to have following things which help

DH is pt and flexible and does all school runs and most domestic chores

Retired parents and PIL on call for sickness emergencies.

Short commute.

Supportive school which is v conscious of workload.

parrotonmyshoulder Thu 14-Sep-17 17:16:51

I'm a much better teacher now than before I was a parent though. But I don't do as much paperwork!

parrotonmyshoulder Thu 14-Sep-17 17:18:55

You do have some advantages there, Susannah. Lucky!
My DH works (more than) full time.
We are 200 miles from family.
Commute is 45 mins including kid drop off.

showergel1 Thu 14-Sep-17 17:19:35

I agree moodie When/if I have DC if i stay full time teaching I plan to be the 'dad' and focus on work during the week and children on the weekend. Luckily my DW agrees with this plan.
Otherwise I won't be able to do it.

susannahmoodie Thu 14-Sep-17 17:53:29

I wouldn't say I don't focus on my dc during the week. I try to be home by 5 if I don't have p eve/meetings, and so I have 2.5 hours with them before bedtime. Then I get my marking/laptop out smile

Discotits Thu 14-Sep-17 17:55:58

I couldn't do it, tried doing part time but was too much.

SaDo12 Thu 14-Sep-17 17:59:05

Struggling with this as well - paperwork woes. Trying to get in a better routine though!!

Changerofname987654321 Thu 14-Sep-17 18:07:26

I only work 3 days a week. But I part time staff are expected to do the same number of duties dentention, after school clubs etc. No practical parental support, in fact they need support at at moment.

My line manager is supportive but school on a whole is not supportive. SLT is panicking a about Ofsted and are busy blaming the staff for their mistakes.

I am trying to get my head around the new GCSE, new key stage 3 assessment, new lesson length and moving for every lesson, new behaviour system and whatever else has happened since I have been on maternity leave.

My DD has chicken pox at the moment so things are even more difficult. But I am feed up of the lack of communication, recognition and give and take.

Beelzebop Thu 14-Sep-17 18:08:38

I tried and it gave me a nervous breakdown. Generally, I would say it isn't possible.

PosiePootlePerkins Thu 14-Sep-17 18:14:05

That is why I am a TA. Luckily my DH earns well. My pay is crap but my life work balance is fab, and I get asked to do the odd bit of supply which helps.

MatchsticksForMyEyes Thu 14-Sep-17 18:14:27

I'm also a FT HOD and a single parent. D.C. are 7 and 9. They do 2 sports classes per week. I mark after they are in bed, but not every night as we have adjusted our marking policy to make workload better. I am a bit slack with making sure their homework is done and writing in the reading record etc for them. If I don't do their snacks and any filling in of forms when I first get home I forget.
I think I'm doing a good job at home and work. Not outstanding, but nobody can maintain that.

Acopyofacopy Fri 15-Sep-17 21:10:47

Dh working ft and me working ft as a teacher was crap. I am now pt and it's a bit better, but I still feel that the kids are a bit neglected. Might be different if we had any extended family support, but we don't.

MothratheMighty Fri 15-Sep-17 21:14:01

There are a number of schools I supply in that only have jobshares or nqts other than the head. It isn't a family-friendly job.

Oidog Sat 16-Sep-17 19:18:18

DH and I both full time teachers. I think we do alright. End of term is by far worse than first few weeks of term but we limit work taken home and make weekends family time. Before we had children we ploughed every waking hour into work but have learnt it is all about priorities and things that can be delegated or just wait (at home and at work).

My first year back after second maternity leave was hard. I didn't manage any of it very well and came to the conclusion that I didn't want to waste my life believing I wasn't doing either job very well so just changed my mindset. Feel like a much better teacher and parent for it.

IchFliegeNach Sun 17-Sep-17 16:35:08

Work full time with 1 DC.
Make it possible by:
- having a great childminder who does all 3 meals. So DD is with her from 7.45 to 5.30 and I pick her up at 3.20 on a Friday
- supportive DH who does his share, although he works away sometimes and does long hours. One day a week (Monday) I 7 to 7 in school and then an exercise class.
- I don't work at the weekends at all. This is new, so we'll see how it goes!
- short commute
- school which supports well being so strict hours for emails etc
- refusing to be a martyr and setting up a good system of independent learning for the kids, whole class feedback, etc.
- having actual cut off times and not promising to deliver things I don't think I will be able to
- positive mindset and yoga and good self care
- cleaner, etc
A lot of these are new this year as a result of almost burning out. Am hopeful that they will work!
Also: stay away from the drainers and dramas. Most stress for me came from staff, not workload!

Changerofname987654321 Sun 17-Sep-17 18:41:11

Thanks for the tips. I think the manic beginning of term and chicken pox has totally thrown me.

FartnissEverbeans Mon 25-Sep-17 17:32:19

I work in a lovely international school with small classes and a light timetable. I've built up a huge bank of resources over the years and have asked to teach the same modules at A level as I did last year. I start at 7:30 and usually am able to leave before 4pm.

Come to the Middle East!

Roomba Mon 25-Sep-17 18:14:16

When I taught full time I constantly felt as though I was underperforming at work and underperforming at home. It was incredibly stressful and I felt sorry for my children as they got so little of me. That was with me doing all my marking and planning after they were in bed, so I could maximise time spent with them during evenings (which of course led to physical exhaustion). But they spent so many weekends during term time doing things without me as I was so busy working.

It broke my heart when my 3 year old cried and said, 'You're always, always working, Mummy'. I loved teaching but am glad I'm out of it now.

FartnissEverbeans - I had several friends tell me to go teach in the US or the Middle East, as they loved it there. I was strongly tempted, but my no way was my ex letting me move abroad with his children.

Crumbs1 Mon 25-Sep-17 18:17:17

You're all too hard on yourselves. You only need to be a good enough parent who loves their children and makes decisions in their best interests. Teaching is hard, really hard. Parenting properly is hard, really hard. You're combining the both and surviving so are probably doing both far better than you imagine.

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