Kids who annoy you

[roseandviolets]

Yawning Kid.

Yawning Kid gives a huge, loud roaring noise as he yawns. (This species is usually male.) You have to stop speaking to allow Yawning Kid to finish his yawn. You suggest nicely to Yawning Kid that he yawns quietly, and covers his mouth in future. Yawning Kid looks around in absolute disbelief st his friends. "I was only YAWNING," mutters Yawning Kid. "Oh my GOD. Can't even YAWN in 'ere any more ..."

Fuck off, Yawning Kid.

Sensitive Susie.

"Right everyone! Books out, please!"
"Ohhhh," whispers Susie. "Don't SHOUT."


(Sensitive susie has no SEN. Sensitive susie manages to listen without screwing her face up during the deputy heads rants about the inappropriate graffiti in the boys' toilets. Sensitive susie can screech like a banshee. She's just being a pain.) Sensitive Susie is usually female.

Thespian Theo.

Theo knocks his leg against a desk or a chair, or is elbowed by accident by another kid. Thespian Theo yelps loudly and ostentatiously, shrieking and holding the offending body part in "agony." Thespian Theo will often ask for a wet paper towel or claim he cannot possibly write (even if the affected area is thespian Theo's testicles.) Theo is usually male.

Beautiful Beth

Beth is a lovely looking girl. Or, she was in Y7. Now she is in Y9 and is orange and black. She looks at her own face most of the time, either through a mirror or a phone. She brushes her hair constantly. She wears so much Victoria secret perfume that should missing, an average hound could probably track her down within sixty seconds. When you ask Beth to stop putting on her makeup, you get a vague 'huh? Oh ... In a minute!' Beautiful Beth is female. But occasionally her counterpart, Handsome Hugh, will have an elaborate hairstyle.

Touchy Tina

Tina gets a bottle of Pepsi out. You gently remind her fizzy drinks aren't allowed in school. 'Oh my GAWWWWD!' thunders Tina. "This school is per-feck-TICK!"
A group of girls are talking and you say their names - 'Girls? Anna, Tina, Jessica?'
'Oh my god, just pick on ME all the time doncha? Oh my GOD and it wasn't even me TALKIN. Everyone else is talkin' -' (Tina gesticulated to the now silent classroom) 'but yer just pick on ME!'

(This is light hearted and one day I will write about amazing annabel, wonderful William, hilarious Harry, beautiful (inside as well as out) Beatrice.)

But share yours: I need a larf!

[Idontmeanto]

Both Katherine Tate's "Lauren" and Vicky Pollard are real. Too real!

[Idontmeanto]

The kid in year 8 who has yet to enter puberty. Not his fault but so bloody annoying and immature

[SuperPug]

I think most students have good qualities and are rarely truly malicious.
The type that annoys me is the pupil who is arrogant, rude and entitled. If this is encouraged or not dealt with by parents, even worse.

[Idontmeanto]

And why is it the really, really lovely sensible, resourceful boys all go into the forces and not the ones I want to drop into the middle of a war zone?!

[Academicshmacerdemic]

Yuk

[Idontmeanto]

Superpug, that's very true.

[Idontmeanto]

I do hope this thread continues in the lighthearted spirit in which it started!

[HoneyDragon]

What did I do Walter

Flagrantly does something inappropriate and immediately "What? I didn't do ANYTHING". Is not talented at the pre-emptive strike. Usually male.

[yawning801]

Clingy Clare

She will, despite your best attempts to brush her off lightly and send her to some other children, inevitably find her way back to you, as teacher/slightly taller adult human being. Generally female.

(I'm not a teacher but Clingy Clare was me in my early school days! I have a vivid memory of being told to "Go and play, or you'll be In Trouble." by my Year 1 teaching assistant.)

[muckypup73]

I feel you will get someone here for a moan soon.

[LockedOutOfMN]

When there is a very small mess such as one edge of a worksheet that has been cut up or a pen lid on a table and you ask the nearest student, politely, to pick it up, in no way implying they are at any fault and they snap back, "It's not mine." I honestly feel that I hate this more than the children who actually make a mess!

(I then reply, "It's not yours, but you're closest. If you don't pick it up, who will?")

[SuperPug]

Mucky, yes!

[shanefolan29]

students who don't the lo down from the board despite several instructions, students who don't have pens very lesson,students who take home their books and say you have them,students who arrive late for your class, students who won't stop talking when you are trying to talk,students who come into class and sit in a seat they know is not theirs and then take 5 minutes to get into their own seat causing maximum disruption in the process, students who are stressmongers and encourage the ringleaders as much as they can and seek to undermine you at every turn,students who storm out of class when they don't get their own way,students who go home and tell their parents/managers/other teachers a completely false account of what happens to make you look like the bad guy,students who are 'unable' to focus on doing tasks in your lesson but can miraculously focus very well in other classes,students who 'don't get it' when you have have spoon fed them the answer on a handout,students who write a paragraph and argue they've done the work....

if you are in a challenging [euphemism term for badly run/unsupportive] enough school it's hard to know where to begin with this question!

[roseandviolets]

I had a clingy Claire last year, only it was clingy Clive

Enthusiastic Eric

'Shakespeare has Macbeth say great Neptune here ... anyone know who -'
MISS. That's a planet innit?
'Yes, it is, but here Shakespeare -'
'And it's nearest to Pluto. My auntie told me, miss, she teaches science at Other High School and she says you need a medal, miss, and she's got a dog and -'

Eric. SHUT UP for a second!

[MycatsaPirate]

Teachers, I would like to apologise to you for my DD1 who was an absolute angel until she turned 15 and then turned into a rebellious little shit and was the absolute bane of the teacher's lives.

However, thank you for sticking with her, getting her through all her exams and A levels and not throwing her out as you threatened to on a few occasions in the last year of sixth form. I am truly grateful.

She is now a student paramedic and despite just being diagnosed dyslexic is doing just fine with both her placements and uni work.

So thank you for not giving up even though she was a fucking pain in the arse both at home and at school.

[AnneofGreenGablesAgain]

I'm sure somewhere there is a counterpart teachers thread written by the kids on:

Shouty Sue
Too Cool for School Caroline (so down with the kids)
Bossy Bridget

Etc etc

[roseandviolets]

Mr Halitosis Harrison ('sir, STOP drinking coffee!')

Mrs Dozy Davies ('john, stop that? Oh, you're called James? Well, who is John then? Oh. We don't have a John!')

Miss Patient and Positive Peters ('Michael, please stop spitting at sarah. I know you are a clever and well behaved young man' - kids look at Miss Peters incredulously - 'so make the RIGHT choice please!')

[HoneyDragon]

Don't forget Mr "hey kids call me Phil".....
Universally loathed by students he thinks he's on a level with. Is ALWAYS male.

[MaisyPops]

Teachers:
Mr Cool Clive/cool claire are irritating. The type who let's the students listen to music on their phones (which aren't allowed) and has 'banter'. If they behave then they let students out before the bell so they can irritate those of us who are actually still teaching. Don't follow school policies and procedures and are usually at the end of a sentence that goes 'but miss!!! Mr/Mrs Cool...'

Miss Ditzy Demelza - female teacher under 35 who specialises is acting a little dim and daft because it makes her relatable to the students in her eyes. Is infuriating to work with because said persona ends up coming into the staff room and we're all expected to laugh along.

[Redsippycup]

Miss Consistently Inconsistent Collins : Peter please stop shouting / flicking spit balls / banging book on desk / elbowing James - if you do it again you'll be sent out / get detention / call your parents.

Peter don't do that if you do it again....

And repeat for the whole lesson. Every week.

[PurpleDaisies]

Mr can't be arsed who constantly shows up to assembly without certificates for the kids, hasn't planned his aspect of the scheme of work, relies on everyone else to pick up his slack and then takes credit for your work when you bail him out.

[PurpleDaisies]

Miss Consistently Inconsistent Collins : Peter please stop shouting / flicking spit balls / banging book on desk / elbowing James - if you do it again you'll be sent out / get detention / call your parents.

Peter don't do that if you do it again....

And repeat for the whole lesson. Every week.

Oh this with bells on! And then they complain that students don't behave for them.

[AnneofGreenGablesAgain]

[MaisyPops]

Mr/Mrs Firm but Fair who isn't going to win popularity contests with the students but is well respected and liked because of it. The sort of teacher students are happy to see on their timetable because 'they're decent' but who equally said students moan about throughout the year.

Mr/Miss NQT (who has a one way ticket to burn out) - always reinventing the wheel, thinks that it's their job to try any faddy thing to engage the students, covers their books in excessive written marking. They are desperate to do well and are great teachers but they'll be signed off with stress or illness unless they learn a healthy middle ground.

[leccybill]

What is it with some kids who cannot walk through a doorway without pushing/jostling/stumbling/swaying? Just walk in ffs. It's not difficult.

Also:
"Josh, could you turn around please"

"Josh, please face the front"

"Josh"
"OH MY GOD, BUT I'VE DONE THE WORK, IT WASN'T EVEN ME TALKING, I HATE THIS SCHOOL, I CAN'T WAIT TO LEAVE"
Good. Off you fuck. T'ra.