Planning baby

[ConfusedWannaBeMum]

Good morning,

DH and I are now at a point where we are considering starting to TTC.

I've been teaching in primary for few years and usually do 12 hour days and some work on weekends. It's already become better since doing my nqt year but the work just never seems to stop which I'm sure you'll all understand.

I'm a bit worried about how I'd manage this with a baby. Physically and mentally I'm coping now but not sure I would with sleep deprivation and new responsibilities. Obviously I could try to go part time

[ConfusedWannaBeMum]

Ah I didn't want to post yet.

I could try to go part time but that would still be three long days for a baby in child care. I'm just not sure whether I want to do that somehow?

I'm wondering whether anyone did something different for a few years while they were young? I can't be a childminder as we don't own a property but have considered tutoring, teaching languages etc. It's all a bit vague though.

To be fair I might feel different after a year of maternity leave and want to return but right now I think I'd like to stay home for a while and add to our income in different ways.

Also school just offered to send me on a course. It's a couple of years of cpd and I'd be really interested to do this. I think it would be unfair to start TTC in that time though, right? On the other hand I'm in my 30s so it could take ages to conceive.

Is it worth to gain an extra qualification if I then decide to take a career break after having a baby?

So many questions but I'm just feeling really confused.

I love being a teacher but it's so all consuming and taking over my life. I just don't think I could do it forever and with a young family.

[HariboFrenzy]

Hi, I felt the same as you! Ultimately what decided it for me was the reality that work will be there for many years to come (age 67?) but the window of opportunity to have a child will not. I am now 34 and have ds who is almost 2, and work 0.6 over 4 days. This works for us as we are lucky enough to have family childcare, and by spending an hour or two extra at work each day I don't ever have to take work/planning home.

[Crispmonster1]

Being a stay at home mum is not what it's cracked up to be. After a year at home I'm sure you'll welcome going back to work full or part time. Don't make any drastic changes until you're in that situation. You never know how you'll feel. If you choose a good nursery then your child will be happy and cared for. You will have a mental break from it and probably enjoy your time with child a lot
More.

[ConfusedWannaBeMum]

Thank you for your response, Haribo! I'm glad to see someone else struggled with it all somehow.

We live too far away from family to get any support so we'd have to use paid child care.

I know what you mean, we will be working for such a long time! That's what kinda worries me though. If I don't do the qualifications school offers me now will those opportunities come back after maternity leave?

On the other hand I think I'd just about cope as a 'normal' teacher with children, I don't think I'd want extra responsibilities such as leadership or senco or whatever. (Trying to be vague to make it less identifiable).

I could wait a few years but I feel ready now and am weary that becoming pregnant might not be as easy as people assume. And we'd like more than one child.

[ConfusedWannaBeMum]

I posted while you did, Crisp. Thanks for your opinion. That's a good point. I do love my work and it could be the case of me wanting to return after the year.

[QueenieGoldstein]

With my eldest I went back 3 days a week but in reality I was doing a FT job for a PT wage (I was a HOD) so got extremely stressed trying to be all things to all people.

With my next child I returned to work FT and weirdly it's much easier. I also changed schools and moved sectors (middle to primary). I'm paid a FT wage and feel a lot happier. DD2 has always had me working FT so knows no different and I'm only ever 7 weeks away from a holiday with them both (I only use term time only childcare)

[DitheringDiva]

I'd get on with conceiving - the course is a red herring because if you do the course and wait to conceive, then something else will come up after it, and then another thing will come up, and before you know it your time to have children has gone. I'd still start the course though because you have no idea yet whether you will conceive quickly anyway.

As for not being able to fit in teaching with children, then you're probably right, although you'll never know until you have your baby. After my first, I went back full-time and found it OK but after my second, and with an older child doing lots of activities after school, it was all too much and I took a career break for 3 years.

Generating some income from home is a good idea I think. Other ideas, besides the one you've mentioned: buy a bit of stock and sell it online? (if you have a knack for knowing what sells - I don't!). Doing sales for another company (like Avon?), get a TEFL qualification, if you live in a high immigrant area?

[ConfusedWannaBeMum]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I thought people might think I'm being unprepared or a bit silly but teaching seems quite tricky to combine with a family at times.

Queen is, maybe I ask what childcare you use so it's only term time?

Dithering (ha I should have a username like that!), thank you. I can see what you mean about it becoming harder after the second child.

The course being a red herring-I guess you're right. I just know that at my current school I'm currently being valued a lot and they are helping me progress. I don't think this would be the case after maternity necessarily. I do wonder whether I could start it and then finish it afterwards though.

With irregular periods and family history I do have to assume TTC might not be immediate anyway. So I want to give myself time.

[stuckinthehouse]

I teach one day per week.

Pros:

• dh takes it as one of his days off so we don't have childcare costs.
• my school is flexible enough to allow this.
• I'm also of the opinion that my career will still be there when I'm ready to go back properly and for many years after.
• it keeps my foot in the door professionally and I am still up-to-date with curriculum changes etc.

Cons:

• the salary sucks!
• it takes me until about 11am for my brain to switch into work mode every week.
• my one day at work is an insane one as I have to fit all the 'extras' into just that one day (staff meeting, playground duty, extra-curricular club)...its pretty manic!
• I often miss messages, once turned up at work to discover that SLT were observing lessons that day. Everyone else had had 6 days notice and nobody remembered to let me know.

[MoreThanUs]

DS' year 1 teacher had got a 18 month old. She returned at 4 days a week and has just gone down to 3 days as 4 was too much for her.

I gave up teaching to be a SAHM. Suits me and DH perfectly. Might go back one day but I agree it is all consuming, and although I loved it in my 20s, think I'd struggle to balance with the way I want family life.

[Rockandrollwithit]

Just to offer a different perspective - I went back to full time primary teaching when DS was 9 months. I found it bearable as I was able to work at home after he had gone to bed rather than staying late in work. My DH is a teacher too and we managed much easier than we thought. DS went to family 2 days a week and nursery 3 days a week.

I was also promoted to SLT when DS was around 18 months old, so I only teach 3 days a week alongside 2 days a week of leadership time. This is also fine, but it helps that I work for a HT who also has small children so I'm able to be flexible when I need to be.

I'm currently pregnant with my second and will continue to work full time after. DH is considering becoming a stay at home dad this time.

[fruitpastille]

I've always done part time since having DC. There are pros and cons but it is manageable depending on your school I guess. Think how many teachers you know who have children - it is possible if tough at times! I use a childminder term time only although my current one charges half fees through holidays. There are some that only want term time work though. The cost of childcare can be pretty bad but you have to look at it as a short term thing for a few years. I'm lucky that now I have the grandparents doing one day for us. I considered childminding but in the end decided against it. I didn't want to have to put my own kids in second place when at home with them. I couldn't think of anything else that I could do to bring the money in!

[ConfusedWannaBeMum]

Some great advice and I really appreciate you all sharing your experiences.

I guess I won't know until I've had a baby and maternity leave to see how we'd cope. I prefer planning but looks like this simply isn't possible

[CountryCaterpillar]

There's very few teachers at my kids primary with children. Most have left over the last few years citing "work life balance" or have much older children.

I couldn't make it work. I wish Id chosen something else.

My friends a deputy head and has made it work though'

[DandelionAndBedrock]

I'm a few years behind you so nothing hugely constructive to add, except I went on a training course at a school fairly near mine and it turns out they have an on-site (public) nursery that offers wraparound care from a fairly young age. The teachers were all able to get places for their children at that nursery, and told me how much easier it made trying to juggle timings of everything. I know it's probably a fairly specific situation, but I wouldn't have known that it was there at all, and it is a 10 minute walk from my school! Might be worth looking at other schools in your area in case they have similar set-ups.

[ConfusedWannaBeMum]

Yes country? I have to say I know very few as well. And the ones who do have very young children usually seem to have some sort of family network to support them. We are pretty much alone where we live so that's not an option

[QueenieGoldstein]

I started off using a nursery attached to a private school so offered term time only options and now use a local childminder (very local as she is in the next street to me!) and she offers term time only options as well. Childminders are better equipped to offer these hours so many of my colleagues use them over nurseries.

[Shockedwife]

I'm going back 2 days and DH will have baby on those days we will be poor but happy.

[Pinkandwhiteblossoms]

Three days in childcare is fine, it really is.

[ConfusedWannaBeMum]

I know it's fine Pink, although I guess it depends on personal preference? I have no idea how I'll feel at that point so I couldn't tell.

But three days is only the case if school is happy with part time work

[Pinkandwhiteblossoms]

Well, if what you're asking is, are there any jobs that mean I can stay at home, keep my hand in teaching and earn some money, probably not tbh :)

[ConfusedWannaBeMum]

No very true I know that. I think I'm just worried to make the wrong decision at the wrong time. But then I guess you never know how life turns out

[Pinkandwhiteblossoms]

If you want a baby, then try by all means. Numerous people teach and have a child and all is well :)

[LikeaSnowflake]

I worried about this a lot before I had my first child. Teaching just seemed all-consuming.

I went back to work FT when my DD was 8months but my parents looked after her so my childcare costs were zero and I was leaving her with people I trusted implicitly which helped my return work.

I was very ready to go back by then. Staying at home was not for me and I loved being back at work.

Fell pregnant when my DD was 10 months old and have asked to return 3 days a week this time after my mat leave which has been agreed. I will put DD in nursery and my DS will go to my parents.

Like you however, I do think about whether there are other routes for earning to balance better with having young children. For me though, I want to return to FT teaching once my children are in school so do not want to lose my skills and cpd during the intervening years. Just a thought.

[missanony]

It depends what your DH is going to be doing. Try to view it that you're both going to be parenting and will both make adjustments. It's not just your life that'll change.

Stopping working has implications for your pension and is short sighted for most, especially if you do like your job.

My DP is a teacher and is out the house from 7.30-5.30. They have dinner and do bed every other night, help with homework and then usually mark and plan from 7-10 Monday to Thursday. Weekends and holidays are free for family time.

It's so doable. I have quite a few PT teacher friends who think it's a great balance.