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How to help DP leave teaching?

(50 Posts)
losingit100 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:11:36

I'm after some career advice please.

My DP is a teacher (a bloody brilliant one!) and is the main breadwinner. My salary is small and low-paid as my job fits around the school-age children. I'm happy to work all the hours in the world, but we have no family help so we'd be paying for childcare if I was out of the house more.

He had a long period of mental ill health (caused by work). He recovered from that and went back to work.

Now he's got "bogged down" in his job again. His mental health has gone downhill again. It is affecting me and the kids. I can see how he's got to where he is, but by the same token, I'm not prepared to live like this any more.

I'm convinced that we will never be a happy family unless he leaves teaching. It drains him so much that he has little left for himself or us. He does literally nothing for himself, preferring to give his last drop of energy to us.

He keenly feels his responsibility as being the provider for us and refuses to believe that there is an alternative. He just wants to continue to provide the level of income for me and the children at his own detriment and suffering. He has said for years that the job will kill him in the end.

I feel powerless to help him change as we just keep coming back to the question of how he can earn a similar amount. He also feels unemployable because he's been a teacher so long and he doesn't have any other skills!? I'm sure he's wrong, but I have no specific answers as I don't know enough about it.

Has anyone been in a similar position and successfully made a change? What other jobs can ex-teachers do that aren't poorly paid? Where could I point him for career advice?

ImperialBlether Sun 16-Apr-17 19:17:42

Could he take some time off to make a decision and recuperate? Is there any way he could do another course to retrain, starting in September? What sort of thing do you think he'd be good at?

losingit100 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:48:55

He's already had months and months off sick imperial. Can't really ask for a sabbatical as well. Nice idea though!

Redlocks28 Sun 16-Apr-17 19:59:10

I feel the same. The salary is ok but type workload is absolutely immense and the impact on mental health just not worthwhile.

Although people talk about the skills being easily transferreable-I don't know of any that left that have found it easy. Some do supply but that has really dried up. Some work for charities but can only afford to do that with the salary of their husband. Others took very early retirement (again-wealthy husbands) and others work as a TA on virtually minimum wage.

Could he do supply for a bit (so is home early and has the eveninvs marming/planning free) and you find evening work? That will give him a breather from the responsibility and he may be able to 'see' a bit clearer what his other options are.

I don't think he will be able to do it easily without you taking up some of the earning slack sadly.

Redlocks28 Sun 16-Apr-17 20:00:19

Sorry for all the typos! I can spell really!

redexpat Sun 16-Apr-17 20:02:53

Book a life coach?

thereinmadnesslies Sun 16-Apr-17 20:05:37

Depends where you live, but are there any jobs with exams boards as subject specialists? They often recruit former teachers.

losingit100 Sun 16-Apr-17 20:05:48

Sorry you feel the same redlocks and thank you for the ideas. Need to find out if supply is a go-er around these parts.

Redexpat never thought of a life coach, thanks, I'll look into it.

namegechanged Sun 16-Apr-17 20:08:02

He keenly feels his responsibility as being the provider for us and refuses to believe that there is an alternative.

Does he realize that unless he carves out some time for himself then he can't continue what he's doing? Is there any chance of him seeing a counsellor to look into his motivations behind not doing that? Or read some books (not that I can recommend any I'm afraid) or take up a hobby that requires he do something entirely different to school and family?

I don't know if it's too late for that though.

Also depends on whether he actually wants to remain a teacher or whether he wants to retain that level of income and can't see another way to do it.

2Creamteas Sun 16-Apr-17 20:08:14

He would be very employable in the civil service or in finance field. Think of organisational skills and people skills. He might have to start at the bottom though but could soon work his way back up.😀

scurryfunge Sun 16-Apr-17 20:09:44

I left teaching after 8 years and joined the Police. This career also has stressful demands but you do not take workloads home with you. I have now finished this career after another 20 years. Both DH and I have had enough of ridiculous commutes and stressful demands. We have relocated to a much cheaper part of the country with no mortgage and have accepted a simpler way of life. Totally do -able. What are your lifestyle desires? These days we are easily pleased without the new cars and Caribbean hols.

2Creamteas Sun 16-Apr-17 20:10:11

Or some sort of advisory role in the LEA

Dozer Sun 16-Apr-17 20:10:42

Sorry your H is unwell and that this is affecting the family.

Could you begin to work or re-train towards something better paid to take the financial pressure off, in the medium term?

Bishybarnybee Sun 16-Apr-17 20:10:58

Look on the TES website. Many teachers ask the same question.

community.tes.com/threads/possible-other-careers.723480/

I also came across this little book recommended on TES and found it useful:

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01MY3SNLB/ref=oh_aui_d_detailpage_o05_?ie=UTF8&psc=1&tag=mumsnetforum-21

It was only 2.99 on kindle and though it's not rocket science, it does set out some of the dilemmas and possible solutions very clearly.

TES is also the place to find about supply in your area.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 Sun 16-Apr-17 20:15:11

Buying the book and checking out that thread...

2Creamteas Sun 16-Apr-17 20:16:10

Childcare worker for social care. Have been looking recently at this sort of job in my area. Basically looking after children who are in a care home. Would involve shift work, evenings and sleep ins. Opportunities for progression into management roles, he will need to be able to deal with challenging behaviour.

pardrej Sun 16-Apr-17 20:23:49

Is it a state school? Could he find better conditions in a private school?

losingit100 Sun 16-Apr-17 20:26:53

Thank you all, I appreciate every reply and there are some great ideas I could raise with him.

I've also racked my brains about what different job I could do.

We don't have a 'luxury' lifestyle so although reductions in outgoings could be made, it wouldn't make such a vast difference.

He is brilliant at challenging behaviour, teenagers, special needs, pastoral care...Probably better at that than the academic bit!

BringOnTheScience Sun 16-Apr-17 20:30:52

What subject/age?

Anywhere that hosts school group visits or has a public engagement element to their work uses people with education backgrounds. This is particularly common in science, technology and engineering companies, or historical sites / museums and nature/wildlife reserves.

You get all the best bits of engaging with young people without any of the marking, data, parents... I'm ex-primary now in education outreach. It's wonderful smile

thecatfromjapan Sun 16-Apr-17 20:31:28

Supply + tutoring + re-training in another area (eg. Child Psychology)?

And perhaps making up wages by researching teaching abroad during holidays? I have friends who have taught in HK and Singapore during holidays. I have no idea how that works - but people do seem to do it.

Moving into museum work, organising their children's out-reach stuff?

thecatfromjapan Sun 16-Apr-17 20:31:54

Ah! *BringontheScience beat me to it!

Iggi999 Sun 16-Apr-17 20:42:02

It's unlikely to find a job making the same money. Maybe best to stop thinking of it that way. He could work part time - that might be enough of a change and improve work/life balance. You could then work on the days he was at home with the kids.

ImperialBlether Sun 16-Apr-17 20:48:15

Interesting that "mumsnetforum" appears in the link above.

RainyDayBear Mon 17-Apr-17 02:02:23

If he's brilliant with challenging pupils, would a job in a PRU suit him? Or a pastoral role as a year head / behavior support?

Lowdoorinthewal1 Mon 17-Apr-17 08:51:28

He is brilliant at challenging behaviour, teenagers, special needs, pastoral care...Probably better at that than the academic bit

He might love an SEMH School, PRU or job in the secure estate. These places are marmite and many people would hate to work in one, but there are many incredibly happy teachers who love their jobs in these environments. He might go there and realise he's found his people. That is certainly how I felt when I switched into it.

It is totally worth trying another sector before quitting.

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