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Friendship advice for DD Year 7 (nearly 12)

(8 Posts)
Brighteyes27 Fri 27-Jan-17 08:51:25

Sorry it's long. What advice would you give my Year 7 DD? She has a lovely group of 3 friends they have all been friends since July with never a cross word. Occasionally others come and go but the three of them have been pretty solid. Anyway another girl who caused my DD (and a few other kids lots of trouble at primary school and at the start of year 7, she's also in DD's form just with her manipulative bitchy and excluding behaviour) has started to target DD's little friendship group again. Just quite girly but quietly manipulative behaviour turning up when they are walking to school by waiting for them offering the other girls sweets but sorry I don't have enough for you x to my DD. I am maybe going to have a sleepover next weekend ow sorry I can only ask 3 people so I am going to ask you 3. One of the girls had snap chatted about looking forward to going into town last Saturday and low and behold this girl just happened to be waiting near the underpass (the only way you can walk into town) with her dad and £20 and asked if she could go into town with them. They are nice girls and agreed to let her come and she buys the other girls some socks each and sweets but didn't have enough to buy my DD any sorry giggle giggle etc.

The last time we advised DD to stand her ground when this girl tried this a few months ago amy DH advised her to fight for her friends so in frustration after quiet goading from this girl she flipped and sent her an abusive nasty totally out of character but just trying to fight for her friends. The girls mum forwarded it to me and phoned me I apologised and explained how her DD had been behaving (I think my DD is worried she still has this and will try to use it over her in some way). She also contacted the school and the girl kept taunting my DD that her mum would make sure my DD got into a lot of trouble over it etc. In the end I notified the school as DD was petrified.

This girl knows my DD well from Primary but doesn't really know the other girls just to say hello to. They go to a massive Comprehensive school and this girl has fell out with more children and caused more friendship rifts than mad Mick in her all consuming quest to be popular. I think she is maybe running out of options and is resorting to following people and probably enjoys winding my DD up. Any advice please DD is a lovely quiet girl and what you see is what you get she doesn't play games and enjoys spending time with her friends and hasn't got a manipulative bone in her body. Thanks

Brighteyes27 Fri 27-Jan-17 09:17:14

Sorry the friendship group is four friends including DD.

Magzmarsh Sat 28-Jan-17 16:35:31

Friendship groups at this age wax and wane a lot. They've only been friends since July which isn't very long. Chances are this time next year she'll be in an entirely different friendship group.

Don't get too involved in it all, she needs to figure it out for herself, by all means be supportive but don't minimise her appalling decision to send an abusive text and painting the other girl as the cause of all the problem isn't healthy either, she's just trying to make her own way too.

Magzmarsh Sat 28-Jan-17 16:40:27

You will get much more response in aibu if you repost there op.

Brighteyes27 Sat 28-Jan-17 18:05:14

sorry I reposted in 30 days earlier. I went mad with her about the text she will never do that again that's for sure.
Trying not to get involved but DD struggling asking what she should do.
They went out today one of the girls was a way but somehow this caused an argument on the way home the most gullible and most easily duped member of the group ended up in tears and the other two ended up in an argument. The easily duped one was saying but what can we do she's lonely and she has no friends.

Magzmarsh Sat 28-Jan-17 18:13:50

I sympathise, I really do. My dd is almost 20 now and in 2nd year at uni but I remember this awful stage with horrible clarity. Everything was a drama, the simplest arrangements like a sleepover/cinema/shopping trip were turned into a power struggle. It was exhausting. All I can say is high school was shit for dd and she has thrived away from it. Hang in there, it does get better 😊

cansu Sat 28-Jan-17 18:20:31

Have had this with a girl in my class who caused all sorts of grief by inserting herself into friendships pushing out someone and then eventually moving on to someone else. The only thing to do is encourage your dd to maintain her friendship with others be assertive when other girl is catty and be aloof with this girl. The girls in my class weathered this after a few tears and the other girl moved on.

Brighteyes27 Sat 28-Jan-17 18:33:50

Thanks Cansu this is exactly it. She causes trouble out of nothing and manages to manipulate and get the kids or the teacher or whoever to take sides and it's usually her side.

She is the eldest of four kids they are not badly off by any means but she probably struggles for attention at home and is used to getting one over on her brother and sisters and manages to go on special shopping trips with her grandma and her mums friends without children.

The four of them have walked to and from school together almost every day since September. Tonight one of them ended up saying well we can't just leave her to be on her own and walk to school on her own can we. She is making mugs out of them all but hopefully will get tired and move on sooner rather than later but by the sounds of it she'll break the friendship up before she does. I can imagine it'll be DD that ends up walking on her own.

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