Boy looking under toilet door at DD

[Honeymoonmummy]

Hi, DD told me last night that a boy keeps looking under the toilet door at her, it's happened a number of times and she's told the teacher every time. She thinks it may have happened to at least 1 other girl. She feels "bullied" (her words) - the same boy keeps ruffling her hair (I said the latter is probably because he likes her, then she told me about the toilet).
This boy is the class nightmare, he's previously bullied other children eg making another boy pull down his pants or he would force them down.

AIBU in writing a strongly worded letter to the teacher insisting this boy is accompanied to the toilet until this desists or am I overreacting? Need to know before she goes to school at 8 if poss. TIA

[Honeymoonmummy]

Oh they're both 7, in Y2.

[Honeymoonmummy]

Oh and as I understand it there's often 2 adults in the class, teacher and TA.

[TheEagle]

I would ask for a meeting with the teacher and relay your concerns to her.

What is the toilet set up? Are there 2 toilets, male and female? Are the toilets within the classroom?

We had an issue with an older child knocking on the toilet door when the younger ones were in there. We organised for the TA to accompany him to the bathroom whenever he needed to go and she stood in the corridor until he was finished. He soon stopped.

Some teachers ask that children go to the toilet in 2s so that might be another option.

[Honeymoonmummy]

Hi Eagle, thanks for your quick reply. There's a unisex toilet (this changes next year) on the right hand side as you enter the classroom with approx 5 cubicles I think. It's a small school. Going to the toilet in 2s is a good idea, although I should have mentioned he's done this once before to her a while ago and that time it was him and another boy. Thanks, I'll ask to have a word

[Patterkiller]

Yes I would go and see the teacher. I think going in twos and asking for the boy to be accompanied by an adult for a time would be reasonable. Your poor Dd.

[Honeymoonmummy]

Thanks Patter. It's by no means the worst thing this boy has done to others and I certainly don't want him to turn nasty on her but glad to know I wasn't overreacting.

[TheEagle]

I hope you get this sorted OP.

Children can have all sorts of anxieties around using the toilet in school without behaviour like this being involved too.

[Honeymoonmummy]

This is the think Eagle, she has anxiety issues as it is!

[DonkeyOaty]

Do let school know in the strongest terms that the behaviour is upsetting your daughter and is not acceptable

As an aside please PLEASE don't say "he scruffs your hair because he likes you" because this normalises aggressive, crossing-boundaries behaviour in boys and instils compliant behaviour in girls; it's quite subtle and ubiquitous. Be the change for your girl (sorry for hector lecture but it's so important)

good luck

[SloppyDailyMailJournalism]

I wonder if something is going on for the boy for him to behave like this. Definitely raise as a concern.

[Honeymoonmummy]

You're quite right Donkey and yes Sloppy that occurred to me too. Had to speak to teacher when she was in reception because same boy was pointing and laughing at her when she had her top off changing for PE which seemed weird for such a young age. she wears a vest for PE days now even though she dislikes wearing one

I texted another mum who DD said had had the same thing re toilet and she confirmed yes it happened quite regularly but there were 3 boys who did it - I think the one doing it to DD is the ringleader. Other mum also said an unnamed boy is picking on her DD at the moment - probably the same one.