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Reception teachers - would it be bonkers if I asked for a friend list?

(9 Posts)
SusanAndBinkyRideForth Sat 14-May-16 19:01:01

My 4yo DD is almost certainly ASD and cannot seem to tell me if she has any friends, and she just seems to recite the register confused
AnyWay, it will be her birthday near the end of term and I would like to invite some children to a small birthday party - I think she is now capable of surviving or even enjoying a party!

Would her teacher think I'm bonkers if I asked for a small list of the children she seems to enjoy playing with?

DH does the school run so I can't even ask the other mums - and they don't really talk to him either.

parrotonmyshoulder Sat 14-May-16 20:35:06

That would be a very normal request and absolutely fine.

Doraemon Sat 14-May-16 20:41:19

I did exactly this with DS1 in reception when he seemed to have no idea who his friends were (he was diagnosed ASD in year 2). His teacher was happy to help and had a chat with him about who he liked and helped him come up with a short list - two of the friends on the list were the guests at his 11th birthday this year so she obviously helped him choose wisely :-) Once she knew there was an issue with developing friendships she also gave him extra support through a small nurture group to help him build relationships with the other children.

I work in Foundation stage now as a TA and I know we would be happy to help parents in a similar situation - the official line in class is 'we're all friends in Reception' (trying to fend off the arguments about who is whose best friend - but could well be taken literally by a child on the spectrum), but we do also keep an eye on how different friendships are developing and try to support those children who are finding making friends tricky for whatever reason.

SusanAndBinkyRideForth Sat 14-May-16 20:57:38

Doraemon - I think that's exactly what has happened - she's been told they are all friends and so recites the register.

Parritonmyshoulder - thank you - I have no idea about this as I'm a secondary teacher smile

monet24 Sun 15-May-16 19:25:57

I am a teacher and happily give class lists out for Christmas cards, first names only though no surnames. Other way around it is invite everyone, write 30 invites and give to teacher to give out. I have done this in the past.

monet24 Sun 15-May-16 19:29:14

Sorry just read only want to do a small party so 30 invites might not be the best idea grin

SusanAndBinkyRideForth Sun 15-May-16 19:32:29

I can't do the invite everyone thing - there is no way she would cope with it. When she's been invited to all class parties she has generally been really excited, then refused to go through the door and freaked out. She has managed to actually enter one party this year when I sent her with DH who is more "hardcore" than me, but apparently she never got off his lap the whole 30 minutes she managed to stay there.

For her previous parties we have only had family (grandparents only) and maybe one or two friends. She didn't cope well with her sisters 2nd party when we had ahuge 5 children over plus parents - and we spent 30 minutes upstairs with her calming her down....

SusanAndBinkyRideForth Sun 15-May-16 19:33:40

X post smile

MidniteScribbler Tue 17-May-16 01:53:46

I'd have no problem helping out a parent with this query.

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