Confidence has vanished

(22 Posts)
daisiesinthespring Sat 09-Apr-16 11:12:10

This is more of a general moan than anything but do join me as it helps to know others are in the same unhappy boat.

I know the final few days of a holiday can be really difficult (and I often wonder how much non teachers appreciate how much of every holiday we spend dreading going back!) but I've worked in a really horrible place where there was lots of targeted bullying and managing people out and where other people's lack of ability to effectively do their jobs was blamed on others and ever since I worked there I've felt as if I'm running on pure adrenaline. I feel very anxious a lot of the time, and the mindset of others drags me down too.

It's as if I feel that people are waiting for me to make a mistake so they can pounce which is really irrational!

Added to which behaviour seems to be getting worse. The children refuse to cooperate with anything we ask them to do, but rather than us all supporting one another it's causing divisions and tense feelings.

I can't look for another job as am trying for a baby and yet I know stress is very likely what's stopping successful conception sad

ImperialBlether Sat 09-Apr-16 11:17:27

Apart from the bit about the children's behaviour, this happened to me and I left teaching. It's happening all over the country and it's a really horrible situation to be in.

I know what's said about stress affecting conception, but there are many, many successful pregnancies all over the world in war torn and extremely poor countries, where the mums must be under incredible stress.

Best of luck with getting pregnant. If I were you I'd be planning an exit, even if it's long term.

daisiesinthespring Sat 09-Apr-16 11:20:33

I am thank you, yes smile (planning an exit that is!)

I'm just feeling really low about it all right now - ignore my whining flowers as I know its probably unfair to blame teaching on lack-of-baby (and haven't even been trying long) it's just I keep having this really horrible sense that it's all going horribly wrong.

I have been a bit depressed lately, though.

ImperialBlether Sat 09-Apr-16 11:27:59

Anyone would be depressed in that environment. How old are you? Can you afford to get out and get a different job and then aim for a baby?

daisiesinthespring Sat 09-Apr-16 11:34:33

I could and I think I will, to be honest - am looking into buying an (existing) business but can't do that immediately due to needing to sell something first.

I'm 34 next month so could do with getting a move on. I'm speaking to the HT on Monday about a part time timetable next year - hope he gives me the green light.

My fiancé is lovely but I think he thinks he's being helpful when he gets angry on my behalf and it's just not as then I have to calm him down and feel pressured to say it's not as bad as all that!

DitheringDiva Sat 09-Apr-16 13:05:33

I have worked in a school you describe, and it is awful. I left there 3 years ago, and the experience still massively affects decisions I make eg. even now I will not apply for a permanent job unless I have insider details about what it is like to work there.

Also the saying "just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're not out to get you" applies. I felt like the management were waiting for me to make a mistake, and for ages, thought I must be going a bit mad, getting all paranoid (something I've never suffered from before). It turned out eventually, that they were waiting for me to make a mistake and they were out to get me!

I now have a lot of sympathy for people living in dictatorship regimes - they must live with that feeling in every aspect of their lives. At least for me, it was "just" at work (although work affects everything anyway really).

You need to get out ASAP, keep trying for a baby as well - things will pan out somehow. Even if it means you have to tell the Head on the first day of work that you are pregnant, then so be it - it's happened many times before, and a good Head will take it in their stride - that's what they're paid for. I had a baby in the middle of my PGCE! These things happen, and it all worked out fine.

daisiesinthespring Sat 09-Apr-16 13:08:56

Thank you for that supportive post. flowers

I do feel better really now I have a plan to leave but I'm finding this last stretch so tough.

ImperialBlether Sat 09-Apr-16 13:56:55

I wouldn't go part-time, OP. If you can afford to do that, you can afford to do a different job and work full-time. It'll have such a knock on effect on everything if you do that.

I was in a similar position to Diva. They were out to get me, too! Well, they were out to get everyone, so they could pay everyone except the top heavy management an hourly rate. (College.)

daisiesinthespring Sat 09-Apr-16 13:58:44

I know; I'm looking to open a business but that can't happen for a bit - I want to go PT so I can focus my energies and attention on that.

ImperialBlether Sat 09-Apr-16 14:01:21

I've just looked at my last employer's website. At their recent OFSTED there were links for employers, parents and pupils to enter their opinions. Why are there no links for staff to do that? I know this is an OFSTED decision, not the employer's decision and I know it's the staff that are inspected, but there should be somewhere that staff could discuss what it's like to work there. There's very little guarantee you could speak to an inspector during inspection.

daisiesinthespring Sat 09-Apr-16 14:05:06

I know, I think we're the last ones who matter to be honest.

To be fair our HT is a decent man but I find our immediate line manager very difficult (so does everybody, it's not just me!)

Doowrah Sat 09-Apr-16 14:53:45

I read in article in The Times last week that they are thinking of getting leaving teachers to complete anon questionnaires so patterns of SLT/HT behaviour can bemonitored and be accountable for it in Ofsted inspections.

Doowrah Sat 09-Apr-16 14:54:41

Sorry, about butchered English am in serious ill earth holiday mode.

daisiesinthespring Sat 09-Apr-16 14:55:05

That's interesting. smile

I used to love this job but I've just had too hard a time and am a be of a wreck now!

Doowrah Sat 09-Apr-16 14:55:10

Health,,,,,Jesus...

CheckpointCharlie2 Sat 09-Apr-16 15:00:38

I resigned and now feel much happier about going in for what will be my last term.
Will also,pm you another idea.

daisiesinthespring Sat 09-Apr-16 15:04:21

Thank you Charlie smile

I knew what you meant Doowrah, don't worry!

MrsKCastle Sat 09-Apr-16 15:20:32

Daisies I know exactly how you feel. My last school was just as you describe. I was labelled a failing teacher and then signed off with stress/depression for a few months. It really knocked my confidence and for a while I thought I would never teach again. Then after I returned, we had an independent inspection- not Ofsted but taken just as seriously. The person who observed me was singing my praises and I thought 'actually maybe I can do this.'

Now, a year on I am working in a lovely school where I am well respected and my temporary contract has just been made permanent. So it is possible to move on from a bad experience.

daisiesinthespring Sat 09-Apr-16 15:29:29

That's great, MrsK

It's awful how it impacts on every area of your life when things start going wrong. It's possible to move on, but difficult.

Fyaral Sat 09-Apr-16 18:30:18

I am leaving school in a couple of weeks to do something entirely different. Sadly teaching has been really fun since handing in notice. Its the lack of slt peering over my shoulder. I was on a 'support' plan.

daisiesinthespring Sat 09-Apr-16 20:28:22

Oh i feel for you thanks

MrsGuyOfGisbo Mon 11-Apr-16 09:07:39

Why are there no links for staff to do that?

Indeed. And also supply teachers who have worked there. We see an awful lot from the inside and in different schools - morale varies drastically!

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