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Parents finding and contacting you via Facebook

(22 Posts)
TwllBach Wed 09-Dec-15 23:27:57

This has never happened to me before - my Facebook is set to the highest settings possible and yet somehow around a sixth of my class have parents that have searched for me, found me and contacted me.

It has made me feel really uncomfortable - especially as one has sent me a video of their child at home. I'm a teacher in a school in a small community (that I don't live in) and I really don't want to be contacted by parents on my personal social network site.

I realise I could delete my profile... But I don't want to!!

Has this happened to anyone else? How have you dealt with it?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Wed 09-Dec-15 23:31:46

My friend had a few issues similar to this and ended up changing her FB name away from her married name to her birth surname and using her middle name instead of her first name. You could also block specific people.

Haggisfish Wed 09-Dec-15 23:32:43

Yes I know lots who have gone down the maiden name route.

TwllBach Wed 09-Dec-15 23:35:45

I'm still a Miss so no option of using a maiden name as such. Could definitely do middle name.

Having thought it over, I'm wondering if it's a friend of a friend thing... The on site (but not school run) playgroup leader (who I have links with as I teach nursery) recently added me as a friend, along with all the parents it seems. It could be that they see my name if I like something on her page?

AliciaMayEmory Wed 09-Dec-15 23:38:01

All my teacher friends go by their first and middle names and omit their surnames for this very reason. They also obscure their profile picture as this can be seen when people are looking you up even if your settings are really tight.

IguanaTail Thu 10-Dec-15 06:16:37

Agree with above. Go by first 2 names - they can't search that. You could put a bit of your surname. So if your name is Emma Linda Saunders you could rename yourself Emma LindaSa for example.

BertPuttocks Thu 10-Dec-15 06:27:07

If you have a mutual FB friend with the parents, it's highly likely that you're coming up as a "Person You May Know" on their pages.

The only way you will be able to escape this is to change your name as suggested or come back off the playgroup leader's list.

TwllBach Thu 10-Dec-15 07:23:55

I've just changed my Facebook name but I'm slightly irritated that I had to. I'm sure they wouldn't like it if I snooped for them!

I might also let my head know...

TwllBach Thu 10-Dec-15 07:24:28

Oh and I will also remove myself from the playgroup leaders friendship list after I've spoken to her today

amysmummy12345 Thu 10-Dec-15 07:36:25

I had a grandparent of one of my pupils try to add me as a fb friend, she happens to also be a cleaner at the school. I explained that although I'd love to add her it's against our schools cyber policy to have children's parents etc as friends if we teach them... X

namelessposter Thu 10-Dec-15 07:40:48

The teacher at my sons class is a FB friend with some of the mums in class (I see her on their friends list), which I found very odd She has even been known to discuss children's school issues with their parents on the open pages of the site. She's a nice lady, but that's got to be trouble waiting to happen..

Keeptrudging Thu 10-Dec-15 07:46:59

We weren't allowed parents on our FB. Any time a parent (or child!) tried to friend me I just ignored them/deleted the request.

WombatStewForTea Fri 11-Dec-15 07:45:33

I'd let your head know. It's in our social networking policy that we have to if added by any pupil or parent.

eltsihT Fri 11-Dec-15 07:48:38

I have a few friends in the nhs who have put a - in their user names to help keep them away from searchers so ja-ne sm-ith which seems to help.

MidniteScribbler Mon 14-Dec-15 06:06:31

I use my kennel prefix as my name on FB. Pretty much all of my friends on FB are dog people so it's not that big of a deal. I always tell my placement students to go first name middle name or something similar before they graduate. I only got found once, and I ignored it. The parent said something a few weeks later and I just shrugged and said that I don't really log on very often and left the conversation at that.

CharleyDavidson Mon 14-Dec-15 22:34:52

I go by first name and middle name. Those of my colleagues who haven't done it this way have deliberately used a nickname instead of a surname (one that might mean something to a friend of theirs still) or have mis-spelled their name wrong somehow.

One of the teachers in my daugher's school (who is friends with people I know from teaching there ages ago) had her wrist slapped as her profile was easy to find, completely available to view by the public and had pictures of her posing in her underwear on it. Not any more.

CrotchetQuaverMinim Mon 14-Dec-15 22:44:45

You can also set it so that nobody can send you friend requests, or only friends-of-friends. (At least you used to be able to. You have to do all the requesting then, and if you find someone else with the same setting that you do want to be friends with, you'll have to contact them otherwise).

You can also set it so that nobody but you can post on your wall. (or your friends, or whatever), and so that nobody can send you messages, either. So really they shouldn't be able to contact you at all that way, if you have it set tight. The only thing that they should be able to see, if you have your settings completely locked down, is your current profile picture and cover photo, if you have one. You can even make previous profile pictures private, but it doesn't do this automatically - you have to keep on top of it. You can hide your list of friends; you can hide your location, job, anything else like that - there can really be no info at all about you, other than name and profile picture, and if you set a generic profile picture, they won't be certain it's you.

GasLIghtShining Mon 14-Dec-15 23:30:45

I am a parent and it never occurred to me send a friends request to the teachers. I was clerk to the governing body so technically the teachers were colleagues but still I wouldn't. I didn't really want teachers knowing that I was out on the piss on a school night (not a regular occurrence I hasten to add!)

I don't understand parents trying to add teachers, just why? Even if they wanted to, surely they'd know that the teachers aren't supposed to, so what are they trying to gain by it that they'll ignore commonly known social media workplace rules?

WhoKn0wsWhereTheMistletoes Fri 18-Dec-15 09:25:51

There's quite a bit of overlap in my DCs school, several of the teachers are also parents there, in some cases we have known each other as fellow parents long before the DCs started at the school, so I can see how it can happen in that way. I defriended one of the cover teachers when she became the SENCO as my DS has SNs and we were going to be having a lot of professional contact, it would have been totally inappropriate to be FB friends.

TwllBach Sun 20-Dec-15 21:32:01

I did notify my head in the end, and changed my profile name to Full Name (go by an abbreviation of in RL) Middle Name and defriended the playgroup leader, as she has all of the parents on her friends list.

I also suggested that she might want to look at employing a social media policy for the playgroup...

thelaundryfairy Tue 22-Dec-15 15:43:08

I have had friend requests from parents but ignored them all. If the parent has sent you a message via Fb I would just delete it. As others have said, you can also block them.

I had to give out my personal mobile number on a trip once because the school´s mobile phone didn´t work. There was only a small number of students on the trip, all sixth formers. Unfortunately, one of the kids was using his dad´s phone and weeks later I had his dad sending me a WhatsApp(!) to ask for the homework as his son was sick that day. I have hardly been so surprised in all my life! After that I had to go round each student individually to ensure they had deleted my number!

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