Pregnancy & Stress

[sparklydinosaur]

Have name changed for this one, but have posted on this forum a few times in the last few years and always found it useful.

I'm on the verge of being signed off, with stress if we're being honest, though I think my lovely doctor will happily put it down as exhaustion, and I feel dreadful about it. I'm six months pregnant and bloody shattered, teach in a challenging (in terms of SLT, kids are generally fine) secondary school in my seventh year of teaching, my fourth in that particular school, and have a very minor TLR within my department. (Trying to be semi-vague here!).

There have been a lot of historic issues with my department, huge staff turnover in the last two years due to workload, pressure, scrutiny from SLT and the like. I was one of the few staff that wasn't pushed out, because SLT seemed to quite like me. I did have a week off with stress last year (it was workload related, we had a lot of people off sick and I was expected to set all their cover work, among many other things, and I was basically a general dogsbody for all the crap that needed someone to do it). Work put this time off down to my former HoD's regime as many other people in my department were also off with stress and we've all moved on, though they are now aware I suffer from anxiety (I didn't before I started working there!). New HoD started this year, and I had hoped things would get better. I will say he is really nice, and will be great when he is established I think, but at the moment is trying to get EVERYTHING up to date and sorted that wasn't due to the chaos of the last few years, and the workload resulting from this is insane.

Unfortunately I'm just at breaking point again. I recognise the signs from last time, not sleeping, crying at work and at home, the general feeling of hopelessness and feeling like a failure. It's horrible! I am barely on top of my own workload, I have told HoD this three times, and have just been told I need to 'work smarter' and been encouraged to take more work home. In addition due to my tiny TLR, I have been made responsible for setting detailed long term cover for a colleague who is on long term sick, setting their homework and marking it, and marking several sets of their books, on top of my own timetable, which I really don't think is part of my job description. I am also being chased for some substantial pieces of paperwork for a member of SLT, am expected to be doing loads of other extra pieces of work (there's pretty much a new email every bloody day saying 'do this' 'do that' 'can we all sit down for half an hour after school and sort out x y and z') and I just CANNOT do it anymore.

I am at the stage where this cannot go on, I cry on the drive to work most days, DH would like me to have some time off (and usually he's the one encouraging me to keep going). My colleagues are even encouraging me, the 2nd in Dept who I've worked with for a few years and get on with well was astounded I was in yesterday (Monday was a huge breaking point, I was given a substantial amount of work with a tiny deadline, and he found me sobbing after reading the email), and told me I need to put myself first. Another colleague has said quite frankly that he wouldn't blame me, they can all see how stressed out I am. When I saw my doctor to tell her I was pregnant we discussed my previous time off with stress, and she did say I was to come back if I got that bad again, and that she would happily sign me off. And I know it's the right decision, but I just feel awful about it.

The guilt is just eating me up, I can't bear the idea that all my groups will have cover teachers (they already have quite a few elsewhere, and I know they value me), but equally I know that I need to put myself and the baby first, and I know that I would advise anyone else in my shoes to be signed off. I just feel like such a crap failure for being unable to do my job, I'd be struggling if I wasn't pregnant (everyone else in my department is!), but I am just exhausted, stressed and cannot do this any more. In my head I was trying to keep going to show willing as I want to ask for part time on my return, but realistically I know they probably won't let me do that (they hadn't allowed anyone to go part time since I've been there) and I will almost certainly end up working my 13 weeks and going on supply when I return. But I worry that they might allow it, and if I have time off sick I'll be shooting myself in the foot.

The worst thing about it all, is that I've noticed my baby barely moves when I'm at work, even when I'm sat quietly in PPA or at the end of the day. She goes nuts at the weekend, and on days when I'm off. I know stress is probably affecting me more than her, but I can't help but feel that's telling me something important. Also, I haven't dared tell my mother how bad it is, as quite frankly she'd frogmarch me to the doctors, and I think that tells me something as well!

I just feel really shit about the whole situation. Has anyone got any decent words of wisdom? Sorry for the massive ramble, I could just really use some advice and support right now!

[MrsPCR]

How many weeks are you?

Can you give up your TLR so that you're not lumbered with everyone else's work?

Is there anyone you can speak to about workload? It seems v unreasonable that you are marking someone else's books and homework.

Your health and your baby come first. If you can't find a solution with work, then you need to be signed off. What is your long term plan. Do you really want to go back there?!

[cansu]

I think you need to be clear with work that you are struggling. start saying no. Do it in writing if you like. First of all stop marking and setting work for absent colleagues. Send an email to head of department saying that you are struggling and feel unwell due to the additional work and that regretfully you can no longer do this task. When you receive emails asking you to do additional work with an unreasonable deadline, send back a polite reply saying that unfortunately you are unable to do this. You need to get tough with these people. Do it in writing, in a polite but assertive way. Continue to do your job and fulfil the responsibilities of your role but refuse attempts to add to your workload. If this is queried with you, tell your employer that you have consulted your doctor and have been advised to slow down. Make an appointment to discuss how you are feeling with your doctor.

[sparklydinosaur]

Thanks for replying, I appreciate it

I'm now 27 weeks, I have thought about starting maternity leave earlier than I had planned in few weeks time, but quite honestly I am the main breadwinner in our family at the moment, our finances are a bit of a delicate balancing act, and quite honestly we just can't afford it. I know that sounds awful.

I've considered giving up my TLR, and broached the subject with my Head of Department a few weeks back, but he told me that I should keep it as it looks 'bad' if you give up a TLR.

I emailed my union rep to ask advice regarding workload, and she said it was a huge grey area, and did seem far too onerous. She suggested an alternative solution that I suggested to HoD and that was rejected. I know two other people are now seeking advice about workload, so at least it's not just me!

Long term is a tricky question. In an ideal world I would return after maternity leave on 3 days a week; in reality I doubt they will give me 3 days (they are not keen on part time teachers, and haven't granted any new part time contracts since I've been there) - I imagine I will end up returning for the 13 weeks I have to, and then will probably end up doing supply work. But I'm trying not to burn all my bridges on the off chance that they might possibly give me 3 days a week!

I was thinking earlier that at least if I'm signed off, my doctor can write that my workload needs to be looked at, and then hopefully my HoD has to take it seriously when I tell him I'm struggling. I just wish it hadn't come to this though!

[sparklydinosaur]

Cansu Thanks for your advice, you're probably right, I do really need to be more assertive and make sure I put things in writing I think. I have already told my HoD that my doctor has advised that I not work through lunch or at home (I know that's a bit of a crazy idea for us teachers) and that fell on deaf ears!

[cansu]

The thing is that if you work with someone who is prepared to do all this shit in a school where the culture is to work till you drop, no one will tell you to slow down. This is why you have to call them out on it. Don't apologise for how you feel or try to come up with compromises. The best way is to express regret but be firm. Eg unfortunately due to concerns about mine and the baby's well being, I am no longer able to take on the additional role of planning and marking for an absent colleague. Copy to your line manager, head or whoever then sit back and smile sweetly. They are undoubtedly taking the piss and if they get arsey about it, get signed off. This kind of shit really pisses me off. Thank god I now work in a much less hysterical place where people are really not expected to work like this. In the long term finding a more family friendly job might be an idea. I hope it all works out.