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Does your DP 'get' how stressful this job can be at times?

(17 Posts)
captainflash Sun 17-May-15 22:03:59

Just that really. I've been teaching a while but this is my first year in Year 6 and it's been a heck of a year. Last year we were below floor and had Ofsted and HMI sniffing around. I was asked to do Y6 this year with a really tricky class who, as well as being very emotionally demanding, have needed a huge amount to get them up to ARE. We are 1 form entry so all results down to me.

So, fast forward to SATs week and what a week it was. I think I held them (and myself!) together with few tears from them and none from me. I feel amazingly proud of them and myself- regardless of the actual outcomes. Me and my DH were out shopping today and I mentioned buying a new lipstick as a treat to myself and was basically told to 'get over myself' and that it 'was just my fucking job' and shouldn't need to reward myself for doing what everyone does every day. He also mentioned I'd been a misery all week! I've still managed all the childcare, pick ups, dinners, laundry, chores etc. No wonder I've been a bit stressed!!

Gosh, sorry that's a weighty rant but is it just me? AIBU? Does anyone else have this?

SharonCurley Sun 17-May-15 22:15:24

Wow-he doesn't sound very nice.No wonder you had a hard week.He sounds very unsupportive.Teaching is very rewarding but it is also extremely mentally and emotionally demanding.Why do you have to do all the childcare and housework?

peacoat Sun 17-May-15 22:18:22

Wow. Sorry, but he sounds rude. Nope, my DP gets it. He sees how tired I get without me having to explain that I am, and even puts up with my moaning, which I admit can go on a bit.

My best friend (also not a teacher) never expects much from me during term time either.

You've done an amazing job to hold them together. A lipstick should be the start of your reward journey I'd say. Also, it's not what everyone else does every day. We have a new bursar who is new to education, and he told me he found schools incredibly pressured and fast paced compared to life outside school (and scrutinised to death).

pasbeaucoupdegendarme Sun 17-May-15 22:22:22

My dh doesn't "get" it, but he would never make snide remarks like that if I said I'd had a tough week and wanted to treat myself! He'd just keep his mouth shut which I would be annoyed enough about..!

MsFiremanSam Sun 17-May-15 22:24:32

Mine gets it, and is mostly sympathetic, but he finds it frustrating how much of our family time I spend working. Last week he said he sometimes felt like my job consumes our lives. He thinks I do too much - really I do what it takes to be good at it and to meet the school's minimum requirements.

PurpleDaisies Sun 17-May-15 22:27:03

He sounds like a prize wally. I think lots of people underestimate how hard teaching is because they went to school once and think it can't be all that difficult really.

I am married to another teacher which makes it easier but we are boring at dinner parties.

I hope you bought the lipstick and your half term is not too far away for a bit of a break.

Littlefish Sun 17-May-15 23:22:37

DH is very supportive in lots of ways, but doesn't get that when I get in from work, I really don't want to be hugged and touched. I teach nursery and spend all day being touched and just want a bit of personal space when I get home.

captainflash Mon 18-May-15 06:52:51

Thanks for all your replies. No, I didn't buy the lipstick. It felt a bit sullied then and then I'd remember what he said whenever I wore it. Kind of defeating the object of treating myself.

He's never said anything in the past like this really. I honestly don't think he realises how stressful it is and how much pressure has been piled onto us in the last few years. I've been a teacher the whole time we've been married so he should've known what he was getting into. But he's never been mean like this and I feel really hurt. When I tried to say why, he still didn't get it.

With regards to the housework, childcare etc, my DH is a good dad but he is bloody lazy. It's like having another child sometimes. He needs asking to do basic things around the house. We share pickups and drop offs between us but if anything goes wrong it's always me that sorts everything. I earn a lot more than him too so everything financial falls to me to pay for and organise too. Oh I make him sound like a right peach!

It's nearly half term and town for a break. I'm off to visit my sister for a few days just with the kids which will probably do me the world of good.

KinkyDorito Mon 18-May-15 07:01:44

What are his good bits?! Are there any? sad

DH gets it and hates my job with a passion. He's done the housework this weekend whilst I worked.

MrsUltracrepidarian Mon 18-May-15 14:30:56

I earn a lot more than him too
maybe stems from that?

Duckdeamon Mon 18-May-15 18:05:30

Whether or not he understands the pressure of teaching that was a shitty thing to say, and he is not being a good father if he isn't doing his fair share of things resulting in you being run ragged (and then he makes a comment like that).

captainflash Mon 18-May-15 18:19:40

Thanks all. Well, I did buy myself a lipstick today- a Chanel no less- AND a maxi dress. grin
mrs we have been together for over 15 years. We met when I was just a student and the tables have definitely turned in terms of earnings. Without giving too much of me away, he can't do what he used to and his earnings and have gone down accordingly. That being said, he has zero ambition to do anything else. He is happy to plod along. I am not sure if there is any jealousy over earnings but it is definitely something to consider.

He's still in a sulk today but is cooking dinner at least. It's just quite draining at times. Full time demanding job, one DC in primary, another toddler at nursery and then this and him not pulling his weight. We talk and he pulls his weight for a couple of months but then it slips again. I'm not sure if this has changed my opinion of him too much. I really thought he understood but was quite clear he thought I was just making a big deal of things. Thanks for listening.

Phineyj Mon 18-May-15 22:18:23

I don't think this is a teaching problem. This is a relationship problem! My DH doesn't always 'get it'. He is a university lecturer and I think a lot of the time he thinks I'm making a fuss over nothing -- but I would love to see how he'd manage a week as secondary school teacher. The main things he doesn't understand is why I don't simply re-use exactly the same lessons from year to year, why I feel personal responsibility for students' achievement if they don't work very hard and the pressure to do extra than the basic job (trips and things).

However, he isn't lazy around the house and accepts that he needs to take DD out for big chunks of the weekend when I've got a lot on. He also does all the morning drop offs if he possibly can, as he knows it's a lot more of a problem for me to be late than for him. He also lets me 'teach' him things when I need to practice, which was very helpful when I was beginning. He also spent half a day last summer holidays building shelves in my classroom. To be honest, if he was like your DH I'd have to reconsider the job or the marriage (I have had to drop a few friendships where they don't get why you can't go out on a weeknight in termtime/can't be on social media/can't commit to weekend things in termtime).

Phineyj Mon 18-May-15 22:19:29

are why. Wish Mumsnet had edit function.

SharonCurley Tue 19-May-15 21:53:11

Captain flash you may find some helpful advice on the relationships board.I really feel for you.

stillenacht1 Tue 19-May-15 22:21:27

Yupsmile DH is a teacher toosmile

leccybill Fri 22-May-15 18:52:00

No, mine doesn't get it. He sympathises though, and brings me brews all day long when I'm marking books, as well as taking DD to the park on a Sunday afternoon when I'm grumpy and stressed.
Couldn't do the job without him. Even had him marking assessments for me on the odd occasion.
But as for getting it? He wouldn't understand half the shite I have to deal with, and wouldn't believe half the things that go on at work.

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