Feeling very sad about it all - NQT woes

[IneverwanttohearOMAMagain]

Namechanged. Did PGCE 3 years ago, mature and single parent. Year from Hell but survived with glowing recommendations from tutors, though at huge cost to confidence, stress levels and family life. Since then, completed part of NQT doing part-time temporary contracts in 'challenging' schools with little support and further dents to confidence. I have been especially poor at behaviour management, although I do work very hard - it has been very important to me for many reasons.

Today's lesson observation was positive in many ways but graded Requires Improvement overall. After all this time, hard work and stress, it would appear I have made very little progress.

I have come home and I feel shaky and sick to the stomach. I know I can't carry on, I simply cannot have this level of anxiety and stress in my life anymore. I have another job lined up for next year in something else.

I just feel so very sad about it all.

[Orangeanddemons]

I wish I had another job lined up.....

Teaching is hideous at the moment, so do not blame yourself. Lesson obs are the absolute pits, and just pointless. I think you should be really thankful you are getting out instead of berating yourself. Go off and celebrate your good fortune!

[IneverwanttohearOMAMagain]

That made me smile! So thank you for that!! The something lined up is a slight stop-gap really, rather than a long-term solution, but you are quite right, it is better than nothing and I am lucky to have it. First time I've smiled today. I think that partly I feel so sad about it because I wanted it to work so much - I like the students, I remember how some wonderful teachers inspired me many years ago and I wanted to do that, I thought I could that, and I don't know why I haven't. Thanks for listening.

[LooksLikeImStuckHere]

If the the job you have lined up is temporary, you could go and have a breather and then come back if you still feel the call.

The trick to it (I believe), is finding a school where you fit. Every head/SLT member etc, is looking for different things and they have varying ideas on what is and isn't good teaching.

My old head decided that I was RI and was generally vile. New head within a month had graded me as outstanding. No real difference just the right year group and the right school. Plus a head who actually knew what she was doing (although I guess I would say that!!)

Don't be disheartened. If you want to try again do, if you don't then use what you have learned and be happy in your choices. Life is too short

[saadia]

I am similar to you OP - trained as a mature student. Have also worked hard on behaviour management and struggled with stress and self-questioning. I am now in a school where I feel happy but have had times where I've wanted to do something else.

I have accepted that I don't love the job - ie like the teaching part and the class but not the rest - and have accepted that in the long term it probably isn't for me.

[bronya]

Go and have a normal life, with time for your own family and a normal level of work related angst. Teaching is mad at the moment. I had a decade of fantastic progress, successful results and happy children behind me when the new Ofsted framework came in. Got an RI one lesson for not challenging them enough/applying AfL. Why? I taught them a concept I knew 100% from the previous day's assesment they did not understand BUT I taught it too well, in nice short graded steps so everyone understood from the beginning to the end of my teacher input. Obviously, according to the observer, they must have already understood it....

[noblegiraffe]

You're probably not bad at behaviour management, kids just don't behave for new teachers on temporary contracts, especially in challenging schools. I teach in a nice school with excellent behaviour and the kids there would play up for you and test you, so a challenging school would probably be hell, especially if you are getting no support.

[peacoat]

Thing is, I think a lot of us are sad at what the job of teaching has become. I know I am. It's nothing like the job I wanted to go into. Hence I'm now trying to get out.

It's not your fault that it is what it is. It's changed so much even in the past 3 years.

[EdwiniasRevenge]

I could have written your OP. Also single parent. Also as a mature student. Also in challenging school.

I've just had 3 weeks off with stress. Dreading going back Tues.

Like you I don't feel my behaviour management is stunning. I'm also in a very challenging school. I also feel I don't get the support I need - its just not available.

I also know I'm far too hard on myself. Far to self critical. I know a lot of the kids aren't learning much/anything because the behaviour is shite and I can't teach. I know my lessons aren't particularly engaging because I can't do more interesting stuff with them because they won't behave. I know that if my lesdons were more engaging behaviour would improve. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I just want to try and get to the end of term. I plan to do supply in sept as a stop gap...decide whether to find a new school or a new career. I don't know if I can get to the end of term tho.

a big part of me is gutted I haven't made it work. But I also know that it will be a brave decision that takes a lot of courage in itself to admit that it is not for me after all the investment in training.
I think I'm far too

[superram]

I atman experienced teacher and usually get good lesson observations. I have just moved to anew school and am much happier. Slt do the same cpd as everyone else and seems less them and us. Behaviour is not great-all low level but hopefully I will get there. Have some time out and see what happens.

[coolaschmoola]

Can I recommend Bill Rogers Classroom Behaviour? I trained with challenging kids and now teach teenagers with behavioural issues. Brilliant book. Kept me almost sane through PGCE.