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Part time teaching WITHOUT partner's support

(18 Posts)
Ridingthestorm Fri 19-Dec-14 14:42:04

Did anyone switch from full time teaching to part time teaching without their partner's/DH's support? Wondering how this affected your marriage/home life etc, etc.
I know going part time is best for me, best for my children and ultimately would be best all round for the family.
I know it would mean a drop in household income but I am confident that we could manage. DH has a very lucrative salary (think more than twice the average income and annual bonuses) plus my part time salary would mean that an income drop would barely be noticeable.
DH vetoed me going part time eighteen months ago. Now I am off work with stress and I know that going back part time would actually help with the workload pressures as well as my guilt at putting DS in childcare for 50 hours a week (10 hours a day).
I gave DH a print out of the financial state of affairs for going back 0.6 or even 0.8 as I don't know which part time hours I want to apply for. He read it, scribbled notes on it (more like noted the drop between the two in household income and childcare fees) and has left it on the sideboard for ten weeks, and not discussed it.
I plan on telling him after Christmas and new year that it is what I want to do but not sure what to do if he says no. Do I still go ahead with it? Or do I 'abide by his wishes' and let him suffer the consequences in eleven months when I go back after maternity leave and am struggling to work full time with two children under the age of 4?

MillionairesShortbread Fri 19-Dec-14 14:45:28

Gosh he sounds very controlling sad

Quitelikely Fri 19-Dec-14 14:50:08

Your health and happiness comes before wealth. Is money his concern?

Jingalingallnight Fri 19-Dec-14 14:52:46

Ex and I argued about this constantly. After my second dc, I wanted to go part-time and he would never support it. Eventually the strain of working ful-time, all the after school meetings/clubs events etc meant family life suffered until it broke down completely.

I eventually went part-time when he left. It was the best thing I ever did.

I can't say it was great for my career however although long term it could recover if I eventually went back full-time.

Looking back, the only reason he would not support it was financial. All the burden was on me to bring home a decent income. In your case, your husband is earning a decent salary.

FabulousFudge Fri 19-Dec-14 15:57:43

Definitely go part time. Your health and time with your child is paramount.

GingerbreadPudding Fri 19-Dec-14 18:48:02

I went four days a week for a few years and I loved it. Perfect work for balance. Four days meant I never felt I'd missed anything and it just gave me that extra day to sort stuff so I could relax at the weekend. Three days is a bit too much part time and is feel I was missing stuff.

YonicSleighdriver Fri 19-Dec-14 18:51:10


Do you share money?

Phoenixfrights Fri 19-Dec-14 18:51:11

Why does he get to call the shots?

dwarfrabbit Fri 19-Dec-14 18:55:17

you can always lie and say that cutbacks mean that some staff have to go part-time. I know I'll get blasted for posting that, but he's hardly likely to check is he? I did that for a couple of years, and then when things were more manageable hey presto the extra hours were needed again...

YonicSleighdriver Fri 19-Dec-14 19:07:25

Dwarf, he does seem like the type to check, or to suggest OP challenges it, probably using her own money...

runningonwillpower Fri 19-Dec-14 19:36:05

Wow, I've never lived with a man with the power of veto. He gets to call all the shots?

Family life isn't just about income. It's about the best interests of your children. Fair enough if you are struggling for cash. Because if you are struggling for cash, providing the basics is the priority. But that doesn't sound like the issue here.

Why is he not listening to you? That would be my main concern.

Why does he not respect your opinion? You have a plan that best meets the needs of your children and your family finances. At the very least that should merit discussion.

threepiecesuite Fri 19-Dec-14 19:41:57

I teach part time 0.6 and DH fully understands that I could teach full time but we'd have a messy house, no food in, no washing done, and dd in full time wrap around care and I'd be a right grump. The extra money is absolutely not worth it.
We go without a few things (I've not got a flashy car like the other teachers in my school) but money's not everything, it's really not.

museumum Fri 19-Dec-14 19:48:59

does your dh do all the nursery runs? Half the weekend childcare and the household tasks and chores?
If he doesn't do this then by expecting you to work f/t he's expecting you to work harder than him. Why is that?
And does he not think your children will benefit from some time at home. My dh knows my ds really benefits from Fridays with me, he wouldn't try to make me work ft unless we were struggling to feed ourselves.

Phoenixfrights Fri 19-Dec-14 19:58:33

I noticed you said you are currently off with stress. So, your 'D'H wants you to do full-time despite the significan impact on yoir health. That is not kind, to put it mildly.

Are you sure he is not actually a cause of your stress? Sorry to be blunt but he sounds like hard work...

Ridingthestorm Fri 19-Dec-14 21:17:57

Well he saw this thread. Glad he did really. He has denied a lot and even denied he has vetoed me going part time. He has otherwise I wouldn't be in this mess.
Anyways, he has agreed to me going part time, though I get the distinct impression, reluctantly. He doesn't seem fully supportive (yet) but I am confident he will see the benefit of it if part time is accepted, which is likely as it was the head teacher who suggested it at a case review meeting a few weeks ago.
Yes, he was a third of my stress though I had pushed it to the back of my mind. The workload pressures was the trigger for me going off but DH's support for me going PT would relieve some, not all, of those pressures. Don't get me wrong, whereas I agree he is controlling, a lot of his behaviour isn't malicious or him trying to control my life like stopping me from having friends etc, he isn't like that.
I used to drop DS off at the childminders in a morning which was only three days per week as my DM used to care for him two days and DH picked him up two days and I picked him up one day. That changed in September when my mum had to withdraw her childcare services for personal reasons and it coincided with DH beign told to change his hours at work. He takes DS to the childminder - 50 minutes later than I did, which works well for us both but I pick up on a evening but that means I have to leave at 5pm which some days isn't convenient. That will change again come January when he starts nursery. DH will still take him but MIL is picking him up (she lives with us) and will have him an hour before DH gets home. This will give me a chance to do a lot of school stuff at school and not bring it all home.
But with me going part time as well, I can see light St the end of the tunnel! Thank you ladies (and I don't think of you pall as internet weirdos as he described you!) grin

MillionairesShortbread Fri 19-Dec-14 21:48:14

Part time teaching just means normal full time hours but the benefit of long holidays (instead of super long hours term time but evened out over the course of a year).

I couldnt return to full time teaching and stay sane post kids.

YonicSleighdriver Fri 19-Dec-14 22:08:17

Take care, OP. Hope it works out and hope you share finances.

dwarfrabbit Fri 19-Dec-14 22:47:53

internet weirdos?! the cheek of it! Glad you've got it sorted - good luck.

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