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What makes a child likeable... or not...

(19 Posts)
TheNewWitchOfSWL Thu 18-Dec-14 21:35:33

I hope this thread makes sense.
I am getting the feeling that my child (7, Y3) is not being liked at school at the moment.
Or maybe it is me, my paranoia??

When my child was at Nursery I had the impression that only one TA liked her, the other TAs just about tolerated and to the teacher she was almost invisible. The teacher knew nothing about my child.
At YR in other school, the teacher was great and liked my child as well as another TA but I got the feeling that the other TA didn't.
At Y1 I got the feeling that the teacher didn't like my child and the TA that didn't like her in YR was also working there, so 2 of them that didn't like her…the other TA was indifferent.
At Y2 I got the feeling the teacher didn't like my child, one TA was indifferent and the other TA was so lovely I can't see her disliking anyone really.
Now in Y3…I can't read the teacher, who she likes or dislikes BUT I can tell that the teacher is kind of getting exasperated with my child. Child has been having a very tough term messed up family life (separation and eviction in the mix) and this is reflecting at school. The other 2 TAs are impartial and I don't get any negative vibes from them.

I guess I am asking this because now I am working at school myself and I hear a lot of comments about favourites etc.
Also as now I am 'in' I want to make sure that my daughter behaves well and is not the subject of negative comments. I know I can't control this but she is a difficult child with a range of learning difficulties but very high functioning. I am sure her behaviour is worse at home then it is at school but she used to be so popular amongst all the children and now it is changing too…

lemisscared Thu 18-Dec-14 21:37:55

Is your child happy at school?

Muchtoomuchtodo Thu 18-Dec-14 21:42:49

You don't say how you feel that your dd is being treated differently by not being a 'favourite'. i assume that you feel not being a favourite is having some kind of negative effect?

I'm not a teacher but I would assume that as professionals, all teachers treat their pupils equally even if they find some pupils easier to relate to than others.

YoungJoseph Thu 18-Dec-14 21:47:58

From their professional stance I think that they always like the clever well behaved children, after all what's not to like? Pretty easy types to teach.

Beyond that they will like different children in the same way you have certain people you get on with better.

Always had the impression that they didn't like my DD.

Not sure it matters if your DD hasn't picked up on it. Seems like you are worrying yourself unnecessarily.

Millie3030 Thu 18-Dec-14 21:49:07

Teachers do have favourites, it true, there will be students that remind you of your niece/nephew or are very polite, or funny, or that you think are really cute. But that doesn't mean you will dislike any of the other children. I have always had my favourites but they wouldn't know they are, I don't treat them any different, and difficult challenging children, with higher needs, emotional, physical, or any type of learning difficulty wouldn't make any difference. You may think 'blimey they are hard work', but that's about it really. You still like them and want the best from them. Well I do, and I work in a mixed comp and have had a student spit in my face. Still don't dislike him though.

YouAreMyRain Thu 18-Dec-14 21:49:43

It's just down to individual personalities. As a teacher, some children have really irritated me but been adored by other staff and vice versa.

You really are over-thinking this. A lot.

No child will ever be universally liked by all staff. If your child is being treated differently, address that, otherwise just ignore.

It's really odd that you have evaluated all staff members' attitudes to your child. Do you have any other children? As PP said, is your child happy at school?

Pointlessfan Thu 18-Dec-14 21:53:03

While there have been kids at school who have driven me mad I cannot think of one who I actually dislike. All of them have good points even the really naughty ones!

Artandco Thu 18-Dec-14 21:56:27

I don't think they like the kids with the constant nose drip who wot wipe it!

Guilianna Thu 18-Dec-14 21:59:22

I honestly like all the children I teach, they are all different but there's always something to like! it sounds like things have changed for your dd, from what you are saying, if there are friendship issues too. She could well be struggling with all the changes in her life - sounds v stressful! would it be worth a chat with her teacher to find ways you could support her together?

slippermaiden Thu 18-Dec-14 22:02:58

Another mum always used to remark in a nasty way that my child was a favourite in y1. It was neither his nor my fault, I don't know what she expected me to do about it!

almapudden Thu 18-Dec-14 22:11:30

I teach secondary and there are some children I like better - not always the clever or well-behaved ones though! But it would be very unprofessional of me or any teacher to make that obvious; it's my duty to ensure that I teach them all to the best of my ability and that all my pupils have a positive learning experience.

in any context one comes across people with whom one 'clicks' better, and that can't be avoided, but it shouldn't make a difference to the way a teacher treats a child.

TheNewWitchOfSWL Thu 18-Dec-14 22:15:35

I know it is odd that I am analysing all the staff that worked with my child so far…I have been working with kids for a long time but I am new to a big school setting with so many different kids from a range of age groups and backgrounds.
It doesn't bother me that she isn't anyone's favourite and I do not think she is being treated unfairly. Whilst I communicate well with the teacher and TAs so they can have an insight on what home life is at the moment I also make it clear that I don't want they letting my child use it as an excuse for misbehaving.
She has always be very happy at school, I noticed that this year hasn't been as good as previous years but it is due to her friendships being getting complicated as they children are getting older (specially girls), all the changes in the home/family and Y3 being more difficult then previous years which is knocking her confidence down. I suspect she needs a lot more support then she is being given at school but I know how much they are all streched and no one can do miracles. I have been working hard with her at home but she just finds learning very difficult. She tries hard but it is very slow to get it and gets very frustrated too.

I also have my favourites but it is nothing to do with behaviour or cleverness. Yes I am very impressed by bright children and the ones that behave well and are eager in following the rules make life a lot easier BUT some children sparks more to me than others for some reason. However they don't notice it and I am very fair.
OTOH there is one little boy who doesn't like me and other who pretty much hates me I think. This is tough to accept (specially when all the others love me) as I never did anything to them…I wish I could understand.

TheNewWitchOfSWL Thu 18-Dec-14 22:16:11


YouAreMyRain Fri 19-Dec-14 07:42:25

I don't understand what you are asking.

FloozeyLoozey Fri 19-Dec-14 08:28:53

I think you are over thinking this. If your daughter is having friendship problems, or not being treated fairly, or is unhappy at home/school then of course those issues need addressing but I'm not sure what relevance to any of that is the analysis of each adult's imagined like/dislike of your child.

thecatfromjapan Fri 19-Dec-14 08:39:27

What's going on with you, my dear?
Sorry to be blunt but your question is odd and insecure. I think you are anxious about something and projecting massively. So what is going on really?
Are you worried your child is troubled? In that case, take a deep breath, and ask for help - you and she will get it. Really.
Are you worried about your child not being loveable? Why? Do you find her difficult to love?
Are you worried that she is vulnerable? Then accept this fear and work through it. Accept that she is precious to you but must practise her resilience. At the risk of being a hippy: the world is beautiful and challenging - your daughter must be allowed to enjoy it and find her place - she will!
Your post reads like someone who is a bit frightened and a bit traumatised by something. Did you find school hard?
The reason I'm suggesting all this is because I really do like all the children in my class. They are all special and unique. Yes, some I find quite easy to get on with and click with but I was just thinking today that all of them have done something wonderful at some point.
I'd have thought that you would be getting that kind if feeling if you're working in a school.
So all of that makes me wonder if there is some kind of anxiety underlying this feeling of yours.

DontGotoRoehamptonUniversity Sat 20-Dec-14 14:01:16

definitely overthinking.
Agree with Alma (even tho' she did sneakily eat the bottom layer. grin)
As a supply teacher I seem hundreds! And the ones I may find initially trying, always turn out to have hidden depths of niceness when treated consistently and fairly - sanctions according to the behaviour policy. They are often wary the second time they see me id they have been sanctioned the first time. However any professional teacher ( ie most of us) start afresh each time we see a child, and they are always relieved to see that they are praised/rewarded for good effort and behaviour, and sanctioned for poor effort and behaviour.
Unless your DD is constantly rude and disruptive and unresponsive to sanctions and rewards (very rare - if so I would suspect SEN and would therefore refer accordingly) very unlikely the teacher has negative feelings towards her.

TheNewWitchOfSWL Sat 20-Dec-14 21:59:26

Thanks for all the answers.

Yes I know I was totally over thinking and having a particular hard day with DD at home who chooses to behave very immature for her age sometimes.

I think thecatfromjapan is spot on. I didn't have a good time at school (mostly problems with teachers then peers) and I am sure that DD is having a better time than I ever had BUT because I am new at working in a school setting, I am always wondering how DD's behaviour and personality is impacting her schooling experience.

It is her journey not mine so I will concentrate in worry about accepting her and understanding who she is and doing my best to keep providing her with a nice childhood and a good role model.


Quitethewoodsman Sun 21-Dec-14 12:37:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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