Teachers with children...(41 Posts)
....retraining next year as a teacher, how do you all find juggling the childrens day with your own? I know I will miss out on assemblies, drop offs and pick ups because I'll need to be at my school and wondering how you 'deal' with this emotionally? Thanks
To be honest, you just have to get used to it. My dh tries to go to assemblies etc. and if he can't go, then my MIL or FIL go.
I see dd for about half an hour in the morning, and a couple of hours in the evening if I'm lucky. When she was little, I saw her for half an hour in the morning and about an hour in the evenings as her bed time was earlier.
The holidays make up for it.
I am part-time which helps as I take DD to school and pick her up on my days off plus I get to do all my work while she is at school so don't have to work weekends unless I have a ton on. My head is really good at letting me have unpaid time out for really special assemblies about once or twice a year. Other times, in -laws or DH will go to things.
On work days, I only see her as I am leaving the house as she wakes up and then for an hr or so before bedtime.
Excuse my poor grammar and punctuation please. I am shattered after a long day at school!
Can only manage it because I'm part time. I haven't been to any assemblies ever for one of my children as they always fall on a working day though
I hate it though-I hate how the job has changed and am miserable and plotting my escape.
Good luck to you, though-are you doing primary or secondary?
You get used to it. I think it's probably easier if it's always been that way - there's no 'expectation'.
I am part time so get to drop off/pick up and help with trips on my days off. My dds understand that on the other days I just can't be there- except for primary one Christmas nativity when my head teacher lets me go to watch . It is hard feeling like you spend more time with other peoples kids than your own at times. But the holidays are great and I enjoy my job.
You just have to put up with it. Never went to any of my kids assemblies, sports days, open book mornings, nativities, or even ever took them or fetched them from school. I've even had to miss their parents evenings as I had my own. I know it's not just teachers that face this, but sometimes I'd have given anything to book a mornings annual leave to go just the once. It is hard, thinking I've missed all these things and I'll never get another chance.
I tell them that if I had any other job I'd also miss the holidays, and this thought sees us through.
As a SAHM/carer who went to every appointment ever, I think that being the only one to go to all these meetings and assemblies probably isn't the best thing. It is probably healthier for children to know that there is a wider group of adults taking an interest in them. Hope that makes you all feel better! The guilt that parents are made to feel about this stuff is unfair and unproductive. Back in the day it just wasn't like this.
Instead of saying 'I can't come to x assembly, we'll have to get x to go instead', say 'let's see who is coming to x assembly this time, who would you like to come?'. My guess is they won't say 'Mummy' every time.
That rather depends on you having a collection of available adults around you though Wilkommen
Thank you for all your responses . I'll be teaching secondary. The only constant adults in dd and ds lives are myself and dh so I guess he will have to try and cover most. I'm axed at how much there is to attend, lovely but only if you or an other significant person in their lives can make it? I'm holding to the fact that I'm doing it in part so that they won't be in childcare in the holidays. I've had a primary teacher friend be a bit judgemental about it though so thank you for all being honest and positive about the hols
I miss everything in term time but the holidays do make up for it. Not that I'm not working in the holidays, but at least I get to do it from home.
It's a bit sad missing every play. assembly etc but you just have to prepare the kids for it and bear it yourself.
It is probably healthier for children to know that there is a wider group of adults taking an interest in them.
If it's just you and your DH though, you are pretty stuck. My DH would spend all his annual leave on covering assemblies/parents eves/sports day/their insets/my insets. He has a long commute, so being there for a 9.30 assembly or a 3.30 appointment (which all their parent consultations around here are) would involve a half day.
Who will be doing your childcare? The only full time teachers I know with young kids have lots of family support doing childcare. Most nurseries/childminders aren't keen on doing 7am to 8-9pm on parents evening days.
It's worth finding out what the deal is at the school you end up in for assemblies and such.
At my last UK school (secondary), there was much verbal commitment to enabling staff who were parents to attend such things. For the whole of DD's nursery and primary schooling, my free periods coincided with the need to pitch up, so never an issue.
Except for once. It was big deal, famous theatre, filmed, etc.etc. It cut across a teaching period and I was turned down. Until I pointed out that a member of staff was given every Friday pm off (she was free) to get home for her DC. The point I made was that when she wasn't there, then all other "free" staff were more liable for covers than they might be were she available. I also reminded the HT of their professed practices.
I got my cover.
The thing is to discreetly sound out the practice, as opposed to the rhetoric.
Day to day stuff we had au pairs, but very rarely used them after 6.00.pm.
It helped that DH's employers were EOPs minded, and he is the arse from hell when crossed in such matters.
It is really difficult. I have missed so many sports days, assemblies, etc.
Since going part-time and being able to attend some events, I feel even worse. The last class assembly I attended resulted in the headteacher announcing to the children they could go and see their parents at the end. The two children without anyone remained on the stage and both burst into tears as all their friends ran off happily.
I'm a HT & I try to let my staff got to assemblies & other events if possible - not all the run of the mill ones but certainly ones that are important to them. Its definitely worth asking wherever you end up.
Enjoy it - regardless of how teachers are often portrayed (work-shy moaners) it really is a great job
Thank you will definitely see what the situation is and I am really looking forward to it, I'll just have to toughen up a bit I think and sell the holidays to the children as the bonus :-)
Our head will allow us to attend one or two events, at her discretion.
My head would tell you to fuck off.
My department are slightly more sympathetic and would cover you on the sly.
To be honest, its one of the reasons I'm not going back. I want a more family friendly job, with some chance of seeing my children during the week. That and not being able to afford childcare starting at 7.30!
I was a teacher long before I had DC so it has always been the norm to me, DH covers the big occasions where he can and ILs are on hand too (my DParents live too far away). I think because it's always been that way in our family our DC have accepted that I can't come to everything of theirs unless I can jiggle PPA or arrange cover for a non exam class.
I worked part time 3-4 days a week, learning support , worked well when children were at primary. Now class teacher again, my children at secondary, I am working 4 days a week, do my planning on my day off, it's ok. I'm a single parent no family support.
I am on stress leave planning my escape. My HT is a parent herself and has absolutely no idea that most parents meant to be there for their own kids as much as the kids they teach.
The job is no way family friendly. My two year old doesn't understand that for 6-8 weeks he needs to be 'locked away in a cupboard' (not literally) because I don't see him until 6pm and even then I am lucky to get 90 minutes with him in an evening and at weekends he has to be with his dad, like it or not, for a least 5-6 hours on one of the days just so that I can plan, mark and resource my lessons. Also I work EVERY night. By the half term breaks, I am knackered but even then, work is still undone.
Think very carefully about retraining and going into the profession. 8 weeks in and two NQTS that I know of are at breaking point; one is quitting already and the other is having second thoughts.
If you've got a husband or grandparent who can go to things it might be different. We don't and my husband works away. There's a string of performances, special assemblies, visiting classrooms etc. I've been there for the reception yr and wouldn't want to miss it. I'm also in an area where nearly everybody has somebody turn up and you just can't with teaching.
It's also v tricky if your kid is ill - your partner/relative really needs to be able to drop everthing as it causes havoc as a teacher.
I like the idea of fa-ing or other and returning when mine are senior school (if I'm not considered decrepit!)
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