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Meeting an ex-pupil for lunch in a pub

(95 Posts)
partialderivative Thu 19-Jun-14 20:34:31

He's a lovely bloke, far more responsible than I was at his age.

I have told him that we would buy him lunch, and I have agreed to meet him beforehand in a pub for a pint or two.

How much booze is reasonable to drink in these circumstances.

(I taught him last year in an International School in the Middle East.)

Nigglenaggle Thu 19-Jun-14 22:13:09

I'm a bit disturbed that you need to ask!

wooldonor Thu 19-Jun-14 22:17:51

What a funny query smile.

Who is "we" and how much do you normally drink when you go out for lunch?

Are you asking about normal alcohol consumption or do you have designs on the student?

TwllBach Thu 19-Jun-14 22:24:15

Erm. I have to say that I don't think this is ok, even working on the assumption that he is what, 19? Unless you were an nqt last year and you are 22. Even still, it makes me feel a bit iffy.

mineofuselessinformation Thu 19-Jun-14 22:30:25

As a general rule of thumb, I have kept 'polite' contact with a few ex-students for a few years after they left school. Then, if they still stayed in contact, it became more of a friendship. Some of them are parents themselves now old gimmer!

Spinaroo Thu 19-Jun-14 22:31:27

Wouldn't do it, sorry. And definitely wouldn't drink.

AnyFucker Fri 20-Jun-14 06:50:46

why ???

AuntieStella Fri 20-Jun-14 07:11:41

What is the purpose of the lunch?

Is it say, career advice? In which case, no booze.

If it is social, what is your normal drinking pattern with former students? Adopt that.

If this is unprecedented, play safe and no booze. Make sure no part of your meeting would be a career limiting if he put an account of it on social media (not necessarily wrong-doing, also reputation).

AntoinetteCosway Fri 20-Jun-14 07:17:59

I've kept in touch with some past pupils and I've met them in pubs before but not one on one and I would usually have one or no drinks. I wouldn't risk getting even slightly tipsy to be honest-I don't want to let slip that I hated that PE teacher or always thought child X was mean or whatever! I think until several years have passed you have to really maintain that professional boundary. For instance, I never instigate any kind of contact or attempt to stay in touch-if they do then that's fine. My oldest pupils are now mid-20s (I taught them when they were 17) and there are a few that I have a 'friendly but not friends' relationship with. One of them is a musician and performed at my wedding and a couple of others have gone into fields related to my subject so we have things in common.

HSMMaCM Fri 20-Jun-14 07:19:05

I met a teacher for coffee when I left school. It's probably relevant that we are both female and not interested in same sex relationships. It depends why you're meeting him?

RainbowsStars Fri 20-Jun-14 07:22:59

No. Just no. Don't do it, but if you do no alcohol either.

EvilTwins Fri 20-Jun-14 07:34:40

I'm going to buck the trend here and say go and have a nice time. I'm in touch with a few ex-students, some of whom are in their late 20s/early 30s now and some of whom are not. Two ex-students babysit for me. I recently spent a lovely evening in a pub with a very nice man whom I taught 14 years ago and is now doing a job in the field I taught him. I had a couple of glasses of wine and we had a lovely catch up - just the two of us.

partialderivative Fri 20-Jun-14 11:06:31

When I said 'we' I meant my family. We all know him from his school days.

Obviously I am not going to get at all pissed, but I just wanted to know what others felt. I have been a little taken aback.

We have planned to meet in a pub, then move onto a restaurant. He has told me that he likes real ale, as do I.

bigTillyMint Fri 20-Jun-14 11:11:43

If it is your whole family, then that is a bit different to just you meeting him on his own.

How old is he?

partialderivative Fri 20-Jun-14 11:21:38

I taught him two years ago, so I imagine he is around 20.

We, as a family, are me, DW, DD1 13 and DD2 11. (I hadn't realised I would have to expand on 'we' in my OP)

Some of the raised eyebrows on this thread have made me smile. I hope I will not be accused of drip-feeding.

HenriettaTurkey Fri 20-Jun-14 11:24:40

It sounds lovely. I kept in touch with some of my teachers for years after I left school.

As for drinks: 2 pints. Possibly 3 if neither are driving. No more.


LaurieFairyCake Fri 20-Jun-14 11:24:41

You're a male?

If you're meeting him with your family there it's just a social occasion so do what you like.

Alone? Be much more circumspect. My dh (also a teacher) doesn't meet ex pupils.

AnyFucker Fri 20-Jun-14 11:32:09

Why your raised eyebrows at our raised eyebrows ?

You obviously thought this was an unusual enough situation, or potentially littered with pitfalls enough, to ask a bunch of
strangers what you should do smile

partialderivative Fri 20-Jun-14 11:33:32

Yes, I'm a bloke.

Tomorrow I am meeting an ex-pupil in a Starbucks who is female, we'll be alone while DD1 gets her haircut, is that a problem to people? (she asked that we have a coffee and a chat)

partialderivative Fri 20-Jun-14 11:45:04


Yes, it is an unusual situation for me, though I have bumped into ex-students elsewhere an shared a couple of beers with them.

I can see that alarm bells have gone off with some posters, the concerns that seem to be raised surprised me. But then maybe people did not realise I would be taking my family to the meal (at Jamie Oliver's in York if anyone wants to join us)

unrealhousewife Fri 20-Jun-14 11:49:26

No way. Professional suicide. Your job is done, move on. If she needs careers advice direct her appropriately.

partialderivative Fri 20-Jun-14 11:52:42

Her dad is a good friend of mine

unrealhousewife Fri 20-Jun-14 12:11:28

Even less way.

thetoysarealiveitellthee Fri 20-Jun-14 12:34:23

So if you don't think its a problem why lie?

I know why - because you know it is a problem.

exexpat Fri 20-Jun-14 12:42:48

My mother was a teacher and over the years has kept in touch with quite a few ex-pupils, including some who have stayed at our house and drunk quite a lot of alcohol while they were there. I've also kept in touch with some of my ex-teachers, including going to stay with one of them.

I really don't understand the hysteria about a teacher having a friendly social coffee/drink/meal with an adult former pupil. Admittedly, I don't really understand why the OP needs to ask about how much to drink either.

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