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WWYD? Meeting dilemma

(34 Posts)
EvilTwins Sun 30-Mar-14 18:50:10

I have a staff meeting tomorrow. We have meetings every Monday. This meeting was due to be led by the (lovely) deputy head but now he's not going to be in school do is going to be led by the HT instead. She's usually ok BUT has a bee in her bonnet about people missing stuff because of their own DC. I have to get my own kids to a concert ( they are performing) for 4pm which would mean leaving the meeting pretty much as soon as it's started. Would you
A) tell her up front (last time I had to leave something early because of DC her response was "no it's not ok, but there's not much I can do is there?"
B) invent an emergency and HAVE to leave without giving up-front notice
C) something else I haven't managed to think of yet.

Merefin Sun 30-Mar-14 19:01:10

Staff meetings are part of your "directed time" and are therefore part of your working day. Why are you arranging things with your family during the working day?

You'll have to arrange transport for your DCs as any other working parent would.

I used to work in a school... surprised you think missing staff meetings is OK. And your DHT isn't 'lovely', he's weak/ineffective for letting people miss meetings. Surely your staff meetings are about curriculum/pupils/training? Important stuff, no?

Merefin Sun 30-Mar-14 19:08:28

Sorry, I said that more harshly than I meant. But you must know it's not on, missing staff meetings don't you? Are you an NQT?

It's not a professional attitude at all and it leads to people saying that teachers "only do 9-3.30" etc etc.

hootloop Sun 30-Mar-14 19:13:33

I think that part of being a teacher is knowing that in term time you are a teacher first and a mum second. The trade off of missing school events is getting most of the school holidays with your children.
Staff meetings are part of your contract and you can't opt out your head is right.
This is yet another reason I have decided not to return to teaching.

Roseformeplease Sun 30-Mar-14 19:15:27

I am afraid this would piss me off as well. You are expected to be there as part of your job and so should be there. Perhaps a medical appointment or some emergency might be excusable, but not a concert.

TotallyFoxed Sun 30-Mar-14 19:23:45

I'm a teacher too and I'm afraid I'd be having an 'emergency' around 3.30pm. Family life is much more important to me and I'd be gutted to miss a concert to attend a meeting which could be caught up on or which would, in all likelihood, be repeating stuff I'd already heard. In 15 years in the job I've yet to attend any meeting so earth shatteringly important or original that I'd be happy I'd missed the DC's doing something! In many other lines of work you'd be able to book time out. Whatever the rights and wrongs, that's how I'd feel and wouldn't blame anyone else for doing it.

EvilTwins Sun 30-Mar-14 19:24:16

Bit harsh, Merefin, and no, I'm not an NQT - far from it!

I would need to leave the meeting early to drop DC at the theatre, DH was going to do it but is away with work (last minute change)

I am well aware that staff meetings are directed time. However, I do far and above "expected" time and think that a bit of give and take is a reasonable expectation.

WandaWitch Sun 30-Mar-14 19:25:17

Yes, I agree with the first reply -sorry, you need to go to the meeting - it is what it is - you shouldn't have arranged for your dc to be in this performance or if you wanted them to do it, then you needed to come up with some way other than you to get there or they can't go. Can their Dad or a friends Mum take them? It's just the way it is - it's directed time - you don't have a leg to stand on here. Your HT is not being unreasonable - my one would be exactly the same - I wouldn't even think of doing it - it's not professional. My DC wants to go to things on meeting nights - I just have to say No. They're upset but I understood that when I took the job that, this would be the way it is.

EvilTwins Sun 30-Mar-14 19:25:52

Just to add, I'm not missing a meeting to go'to a concert - I just need to get the kids to the theatre. The concert itself is later on.

WandaWitch Sun 30-Mar-14 19:27:05

Can they not just get there later on then?

EvilTwins Sun 30-Mar-14 19:27:53

Hmmm. The DC are in a choir. They normally rehearse on a non-meeting day. The concert is a one-off and dates were not arranged at the beginning of the term, I'm not going to make them miss something they've been rehearsing for weeks for.

EvilTwins Sun 30-Mar-14 19:30:09

Wanda - that might be the solution. Performances are at 5pm & 6pm. I guess they want the kids there for 4pm to run through things but if they arrived at 4.30 it wouldn't be so terrible. Usually DH and I are very organised and this kind of thing rarely occurs.

WandaWitch Sun 30-Mar-14 19:31:53

We all do above expected time - that's the nature of the job - I'm afraid you can't use that as a reason to miss directed time. If DH was meant to be taking them and is now not able then surely it is his responsibility to come up with a solution. Your job is just as valid as his and you need to be at work. I'd pass the problem back to him to solve.

Claryrocks Sun 30-Mar-14 19:32:06

Is there anyone else who can take them? A parent of another member of the choir? I'm afraid I'm with everyone else and think it's part of your job to attend.

WandaWitch Sun 30-Mar-14 19:32:57

Sorry - keep cross posting with you!

AgentProvocateur Sun 30-Mar-14 19:33:06

Can you find another parent to take them? If not, I'd leave it up to your DH to find a solution, as he was originally going to take them.

Totally unprofessional to miss a staff meeting to take your children to a rehearsal. I wouldn't be impressed.

WandaWitch Sun 30-Mar-14 19:35:51

So hopefully that'll be a solution then - they just get there a little bit late but can still do it. I've found the getting them there early bit is usually just to hang costumes up and do a head count etc- I would not think there would be so anything crucial in the first half hour!

EvilTwins Sun 30-Mar-14 19:36:44

No one else from their school is in the choir. I know we all do above expected time - actually that's not true - I do a hell of a lot more than a lot of my colleagues. The meeting is about a new praise system. I cam find out almost all the info from the website and the asst head has already told me the gist of it. I don't normally do this (ie consider missing meetings) but this is a one off for my DC. I think I'll talk to the head and ask her when I can leave. Meeting is supposed to be am hour but she always runs over. I can certainly leave after the hour though - that would be perfectly within my rights.

WandaWitch Sun 30-Mar-14 19:38:46

Hope it goes well!

WandaWitch Sun 30-Mar-14 19:39:40

The concert and getting them there I mean - am sure the meeting will be like all meetings....

tethersend Sun 30-Mar-14 19:45:58

Talking to her is a good idea.

I was going to say invent an emergency, but you'll be stressed all afternoon if you do that. Just be upfront, say you have an unexpected childcare situation due to DH working away at short notice, and you will only be there for part of the meeting. Ask her for handouts etc. too.

Then floor it out of the car park grin

MrsYoungSalvoMontalbano Mon 31-Mar-14 19:49:50

In this case surely down to DFH to arrange something, or miss HIS mtg?

MrsYoungSalvoMontalbano Mon 31-Mar-14 19:50:08


MrsYoungSalvoMontalbano Mon 31-Mar-14 19:51:33

In my previous school, there were a lot of mum-teachers having to leave meetings early etc for their DC arrangements - really does not come across as professional.

HedgeHogGroup Mon 31-Mar-14 20:06:28

I'm a HT and I wouldn't mind as a one-off as long as I was confident that it would be paid back in goodwill.
I learnt soon after becoming a HT that letting people have time off to go to their child's concert/attend an urgent appointment/stay at home to see a builder etc pays back in spades in staff goodwill & effort.

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