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Confessions of a teacher

(73 Posts)
PenguinBear Sat 07-Sep-13 21:10:00

Saw this thread on a teaching forum and thought it might be good for the MN staffroom!!

Anyone want to start? smile

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 08:44:34

History. Level 3 was dk thing like describing change

At what level? PhD level ?

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 08:45:10


Bet levels were invented by a maths teacher

killpeppa Thu 31-Oct-13 08:54:07

I used to love married teachers!!
we had 6 married couples when I was in secondary school and 3 who were dating.
we had teacher who gave a girl a not to his girlfriend teacher saying could she meet in in a class room at lunch time as he needed help with some marking.
she turned up to a room filled of flowers and a proposal envy

mineofuselessinformation Thu 31-Oct-13 10:15:05

LordP - and what's that supposed to mean? grin

LordPalmerston Thu 31-Oct-13 10:37:13

easily measurable.. - other subjects not as clear cut

zingally Thu 07-Nov-13 17:41:35

I have at least one, every year, that I just want to take home, give them a good tea, a hot bath, some games and tuck them up in a nice clean bed.

Some really do have horrible little lives and I'm surprisingly often the only reliable person they know. In that I do what I say I will and will react in predictable ways. And I won't just randomly hit them for no reason. They break my heart, those ones.

BobbyJones28 Fri 01-Aug-14 17:23:23

I have favourites and we used to make jokes about other students - sounds awful i know but I don't even care

MrsJoeDolan Fri 01-Aug-14 17:50:20

I still have every card and most of the mugs gifts kids gave me over the years.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis Fri 01-Aug-14 18:00:39

I love it when they call me mum too. <looking at you big scary stoner in year 11 a few years ago> oh how we laughed.
My kids went to my school and some kids didn't realise that thing one and two were mine, so when they called me mum...

Feenie Fri 01-Aug-14 18:31:07

Bobbyjones, why are you upping zombie threads?

Pennies Fri 01-Aug-14 18:37:31

I have a pair of very bling silver wellies at school which look a bit like astronaut boots. My Reception class believe that at weekends I wear them to visit the moon.

Also, when I start a class sometimes I'll go "Right then, you horrible lot..." a which point they all delightedly cry that they're not horrible and then I spend a few minutes making up a story about some really horrible children (that never existed) I once had that I momentarily got my current class confused with. These fictional horrible children have been "responsible" for all sorts of things and the class love hearing about them - the time when they all brought pet snails into school, the time when they all pretended to be asleep during the class, the time when they painted the windows black and we couldn't tell if it was night or day, or when some of them brought in the most delicious looking biscuits that were made from playdoh etc etc etc. They know it's all made up but sometimes you can see them just wondering...

minecraftismysaviour Sat 02-Aug-14 00:22:18

heymickey maybe it's a secondary school thing... I don't think that what you posted is bad. I've been doing this 17 yrs and back in the day when we invigilated we'd play " who is the student who..." and stand behind the relevant student who smelled/ was ugly/ had slept with most of the year.
I tell all of my gcse students that if they don't get a c they owe me 50 quid note. grin not collected one yetgrin

MysteriousCircusZebra Sat 02-Aug-14 00:33:33

Crikey minecraft, yeah it really is that bad. You play a game standing behind the student who smells, was ugly? Ffs. Not good teacher material. I wonder what a secret note would say about you and heymickey? Nothing complimentary thats for sure. Neither of you sound cut out to be good teachers.
Lovely comments/insight into the rest of the teachers here who sound like they actually enjoy their job and care about younger people though.

2kidsintow Sat 02-Aug-14 01:39:34

I am going to miss my last bunch of kids a lot even though a few were hard work.

I job share and am always being called by the name of the other teacher by accident , especially as I was ill this year and she covered the class full time for a couple of months).

My stock answer or a joke sonetomes is "I'm not Miss S, do I look like Miss S?' Miss S is younger, far prettier and much thinner than me. It cracked me up when one of them answered "no, she.... has yellow hair.'

Oh and the hilarity of the sex ed talk is amazing.

minecraftismysaviour Sat 02-Aug-14 08:22:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Oscarandelliesmum Sat 02-Aug-14 08:50:01

I have cried and worried over some of the kids.....wake up at four a.m type worrying. I remember being so disillusioned the first time (of many sadly) that I took a child protection concern to senior management. I expected social work to sweep in on white chargers to make life better for this poor child. But nothing changed. I did start bringing food into school with me every day to hand out though. I know a lot of teachers that do the same.

PittTheYounger Sat 02-Aug-14 08:53:41

Weird zombie thread a year old bobbie

PittTheYounger Sat 02-Aug-14 08:54:35

I do laugh though on this that no teachers are allowed to admit to thinking kids are ugly smelly or vile. We are SAINTS I tell you.

DownByTheRiverside Sat 02-Aug-14 09:22:25

I don't see the point and never have, about being nasty about children because of their appearance, their body hygiene or many other issues that they have little or no control over. It's not soemthing I'd tolerate in the class, so why would I participate even in my head?

What I do find funny is when some egocentric poppet thinks that by arguing and wheedling, they will change the odd in their favour.
The shock and adjustments they have to make when the answer is still 'no' or my judgement is that they were wrong, or that they will still have to surrender the item/deal with the consequences. That I won't lose my temper or shout, I will be consistent and calm despite provocation.
It's a whole new world, and it's hard not to laugh sometimes.

Oscarandelliesmum Sat 02-Aug-14 09:37:16

Yes, some kids are vile! But when you look at the parents you can usually see why a seven year old thinks it is acceptable to call his teacher a stupid fat bitch because he has been asked to sit down.
To be honest I think a lot of the less repeatable staff room chat is a human reaction to quite an extreme environment ( not all schools obviously, lots make you want to skip through the door and you find yourself rehearsing little jokes to make them laugh in the car).
But certainly in some schools when a colleague says that they have had a bastard of a morning and that little Johnny has been awful, she is probably telling the truth and needs to vent for her own sanity before going back in to do it all again.

DownByTheRiverside Sat 02-Aug-14 10:25:39

I agree that most of the children who exhibit vile behaviour, are aggressive, abusive, manipulative or just horrible to try and teach have identifiable reasons for their unpleasantness. Often the way they have been parented, or the lack of it.
It's why it's even more important that school staff stay reasonable, fair and mature when they are dealing with them. How else will those children have a chance at changing?
Yes, of course I've had a rant about some of the shit that happens in class and out of it, and it does help you stay sane and put things into perspective.
But to play nasty, bitchy games on a child? Not acceptable.

Feenie Sat 02-Aug-14 12:11:52

Totally agree.

MysteriousCircusZebra Sat 02-Aug-14 13:15:50

minecraftismysaviour I know its the past. Does that make it better somehow then? confused I don't think so.

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