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Parent/teacher confidentiality

(5 Posts)
gillsid Fri 17-May-13 22:00:57

As an ex Primary school teacher I was always careful never to share one parent's concerns/complaints with another parent. I always believed if a parent had a worry that whatever they told the school would not be passed on.

At the end of Year 6 when the children pick their friendship groups I went to my sons teacher and expressed my worries over my son being with one child in the class through high school. I never have had a problem with this child, however he had real difficulties with all the other boys in his class except my son. My son often stuck up for him and I was proud of that. What I was worried about was the boy would be so reliant on my son, and my son's ability to fight his battles, that my son would never make new friends. I was worried they would be isolated together.

I confidentially mentioned my concerns to the Primary school, who I expected would mention it to the Secondary school.

I have now found out from the parent of the other child that she was told I didn't want my son any where near her son, that I had a major problem with him! I imagine this was a complete shock and made her feel more than awful! She is disgusted by what looks like my betrayal of her and her son- it was nothing personnal and I like the other boy.

I am disgusted with the secondary school, who I believe betrayed my confidence to get themselves out of a sticky situation, but they didn't confirm anything with me and made things so much more personal than it was.

Was I really wrong to believe I was in a situation where my confidence should have been upheld?

deleted203 Sat 18-May-13 00:57:52

Absolutely not! I'd have been fuming too.

FWIW I was very grateful that my DS1 did not get put in the same class as his primary best friend when they swapped schools. I didn't approach school, simply hoped for the fact that with 4 form entry there would be a 75% chance that they would be separated, which they were.

Friend was a lovely little boy, but definitely slightly odd. Friend was a bit of a 'train spotter' type - he had very elderly parents and was inclined to begin sentences with 'do you know?' and then tell me a lot of long, dull information about the Latin name of birds grin. He was like a pompous, little old man - and although very polite and well brought up I hoped DS would make a wider circle of friends. I could see the pair of them being the odd, weird geeks at high school! I, too, worried that the pair of them would be isolated together.

I think in your position I would be asking for a meeting with the secondary head and expressing my concerns that a personal matter I had raised had been passed on to another parent without my knowledge or consent. Particularly as they have (apparently) never spoken to you about it, simply relied on second hand info from Primary.

gillsid Sun 19-May-13 11:37:08

I've had a meeting with the head and wrote him an e-mail. He says he has fully investigated this and feels they had no choice to disclose to this parent as no other child wanted to be with her son (I feel they have broken confidence here too- I didn't need to know that) He basically said I should be grateful they adhered to my wishes and that they dealt with the situation in the best way they could.

My husband and I are due to see him again tomorrow after school- should I just give up? They are never going to admit fault and it's not going to make the parents of the other boy feel any better. I just feel it was unnecessary to put them through this, couldn't the Deputy Head just have insisted it was impossible to place them together!

SgtTJCalhoun Sun 26-May-13 19:09:17

sowornout he sounds like he might have Aspergers.

I'm actually quite saddened by your post. Understand your concerns but as the mother of two with ASD it makes me sad that this is probably how other parent are viewing my dc.

justreallysad Mon 27-May-13 18:47:18

My son has Autism and some behavioural difficulties. We moved into a new area and shortly afterwards it was the first parents evening. There, a boy in his class and his mother were informed by a teacher that it was best if he didn't become friends with my ds shock.
Of course the boy then told ds who has emotional difficulties too so you can just imagine the effect on him sad. Before confronting the school I spoke to the mother who confirmed that this was what the teacher had said. School just brushed it off and said 'it's for the best'. sad It led to nothing but trouble between the 2 boys in the end and I do believe that some staff should really think before they speak.

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